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This topic came up in a meeting this week and I thought I would throw it out to the boards. What does surrender feel like to you? What does it look like in your life after being in program for a while?
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
That was the subject of my home group this evening also and I remembered the lesson by Harry Tibout inside of our ODAT which helped me so much and still does....The difference between "submission" and "surrender" Submission coming on the conscious level with the lingering thought that there will again come a day when I will be able to control an outcome and "Surrender" coming on the sub-conscious level which then becomes a part of my normal thinking and behaving...the fight is over. Knowing the difference intimately is growth. ((((hugs))))
When I finally surrendered, it was when I finally acknowledged reality. I felt like I finally "got" it. It was actually a relief. Trying to control the uncontrollable was so stressful and exhausting.
Jerry, that makes a lot of sense to me because i was submitting my power over a few things in my life over a couple of years before i finally surrendered. So it wasnt an isolated moment really that i thought it was. It was a process of letting go. I remember how i felt when i surrendered. I knew something was different. It was the moment i felt really powerless and i knew i needed help. I realised my thinking was negative, my attitude was black and i saw myself in this and knew i wasnt always this way and its not right and i need help. That day, i made a doctors appointment, registered with a counsellor and looked up my first alanon meeting. That was my moment of surrender. In the end there was only one place i needed.
.H Andeomeda To me surrender now looks like acceptance of life on life's terms. I no longer try to change the situation. I just look to see how I can live within the situation with a healthy outlook and constructive actions. The first time I surrendered, it was very painful and felt as if I was hanging over a bottomless pit and if I let go I would be destroyed. I had to let go because it was too painful and wonder of wonder HP was there to lift me up.
Today surrender is easier.
Great topic! Surrender for me is when I let things go and fully just flow with what life brings me and deal with it as I need to and only control things after thinking it through and realizing yes it is something in my hoola hoop for me to make decisions on and if not let it go as the song goes, lol. I am not always there in my flow zone, but when I am wow life is nice! I am glad you brought this up and need to let go of so much and get back on my game! Sending you love and support on your big move and now the settling in part.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Jerry, I had to pull out my ODAT for that one. If anyone is interested it is located on May 14th. Wonderful reading about surrender and acceptance. Thank you all for your sharing on this because it was exactly what I feel but I wanted to read others' perspectives in their own words.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
LOL...I needed that investigation Andromeda because I often go to that page and his wisdom and after I get it again I "let it go" and forget the page...now I have another way of finding it....Month of May ...14th day. LOL Mahalo (((((hugs)))))
thought of hanging out of the window ledge hotrod; never thought of the bottomless pit .. yep that's maybe a better image for me of what it's felt like at times .. I too appreciate that odat reading Page number .. I ripped out my table of contents my books are So old & Used !!! lol ty .. also appreciate the reminder of submission vs surrender .. thx Jerry !
Surrendering for me was not living in denial about my AH and my life. I looked at everything openely and realized I had to surrender any control over him I thought I had. It has been a relief to me to surrrender to HP and let him take care of my problems.
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Sunday 22nd of February 2015 06:49:02 PM
I had a full on surrender. I ended the relationship with the A, moved out on my own, started AA and got sober all at once. I was so very DONE with being a self sabotaging, needy, clingy, self-hating, drunk. I truly surrendered everything. I let my ex have pretty much everything and put all my faith in the program. I went to meetings daily, talked to m y sponsor daily...It was like ripping off a super painful bandaid on an infected wound and healing correctly for once. So...yeah....I fully surrendered, did not know what I was going to become...I just knew I could not stay the same. I had to change. Mark the victim and chronic sufferer died that day October 1st 2008. Mark the survivor, the learner, and liver of life was born. I do understand the saying "surrender to win."
