The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and guess what I thought and felt before saying I was gonna do that? This is a test so lets see your answers. Remember "He's got a lot of time in" and "Progress not Perfection" along with your own experiences. Ready GO!! No time limit or ESH limit. ((((Hugs)))) Go head and take my inventory ...lol
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
You were pissed off and tired of letting go so you took the day off and let everyone know what you thought of them, what their doing wrong and you are completely right.......SO THERE!!!!
Hell I don't know.... LOL
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Well given that you've been ill and by your own admission not in your right mind; my guess would be that you thought but what if they NEED ME, maybe I SHOULD go in.
I say this only because you've been "sick." lol
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Going to put the focus on Me & Take care of myself ! .. listen to Me for a change .. (go jerry .. hell I don't know either but I couldn't resist ! lol )
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Tuesday 17th of February 2015 10:42:18 PM
My brain carries an old belief that life has to be hard. comes from my alcoholic mother who believes there's a premium spot waiting for her in heaven if she works until she bloody exhausts herself. Took a lot of inventory work for me to uncover I picked up that insanity too.... the idea that the more I accomplish somehow makes me a more valuable human being.
So, staying home, relaxing and maybe even enjoying myself (gasp!) can bring on guilt and fear that I am not enough. Thank God for Al-anon because today I can catch it. hopefully before I start re-painting the kitchen again... or the neighbors (yes, I've done that. for free. with loads of expectations that were never met. lol)
Amazing and then not huh cause we know our disease and what it takes help us keep detached and hopefully out of its reach. I continue to find out that my native character is one of the enabler/helper/supporter and so first I resorted to those thoughts and feelings necessary to keep up that character or as oftentimes is called "relapsing back into enabling thoughts, feelings and behaviors". I went into fear, guilt and shame automatically...those who cited this as first get an A and thanks for the feedback cause I'm reminded I am a work in progress not perfection.
Having recognized that I was in the toxic thoughts, feelings and spirit I had only two choices...stay in it and get worse or turn myself over to whatever I have available from the program of Al-Anon and MIP to counteract the symptoms I was in and again I can say. WOW!! our program works and I got relaxed enough from the plague to get in and remain in our justifications and evidences for peace of mind and serenity. Yes I came here and read and then participated and at the same time focused within our literature which is huge. The ESH from our fellowship is nuclear for my recovery. I am a fighter. My inventory work revealed me to resort to fight before if not instead of flight when I am attacked and also that I hurt a lot of others and myself by that and not coming to the program and my Higher Power instead. So I came and I sat and I read and I listened and returned to perspective. I am part of "WE" and when I reach out for help I don't get rocks, I get help beyond my wildest expectations. I read here and read in my literature and I cried and I laughed and I nodded in awareness and that negative self centeredness drifted off. This morning I slept for 10 hours and was able to put my mind and body back to sleep from the rages of this sinus virus by turning myself back over to the ESH I have centered around me for the last 5 days. SURPRISE!! the sun was up and not my guilt or shame...I can go on from here now in much better spiritual, emotional, mental and physical shape...carefully.
Those of you who remember my prayer habit went right to where I would end up. "Place me where you want me...Tell me what to do"; my constant conversation with HP...all of our HPs. I know you don't mind that I poke yours for guidance also.
While reading and listening I received many spiritual thoughts and ideas...which were strengthening and one of them I will share now'
God's Will
will never take me
where
God's Love
cannot protect me.
That removed the fear and the power of the unknown of what it is that I am dealing with. Like the disease which has brought us all together in support and love there are others which can and will still trigger fear and suggest relapse behaviors rather than recovery. I have arrived at gratitude still, without the feeling of fight or flee. I have the other option which is wider, stronger and more valuable and useful; this spiritual recovery family we refer to as MIP and Al-Anon.
The consequence of this exercise for me was the feedback...priceless. I understand that we all know each other and know that we know each other well and there is no rejection of the feedback, just grateful expectation that it will result in progress. I want to laugh at some of the impressions I got one being "Hey do I have "FROG" dna flowing in my body and another, "Did I think...? LOLOL...I AM the enabler and have more angles at looking at and fixing a problem than I can list...I also use to work for NASA so have scientific angles I keep locked up and away from me. I went to college on our disease and was told that "if anyone would get it (this disease) I would". I still don't get it though I understand more...just enough to send me back to program and all the tools to get what I need.
Over work the program? I came into Al-Anon suicidal and after a bunch of meetings came to a mantra...just for me. "Do it or die" scary"? That mantra kept me coming back to be a part of a world-wide fellowship and to lose my feeling of aloneness. Like this exercise...I don't have to do this alone and of course by what I am feeling now...it works as we work it. Mahalo for your being a part of my recovery. Gonna finish reading. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 18th of February 2015 01:17:17 PM
My thought is simple. If you think you might be overworking the program, and thinking too much, maybe it's time to go to Punalu'u and have a day with the honu.
considering the below 0 weather my town is coming into, I would love to be able to do that!
Great suggestion from Kenny...the honu is one of my aumakua and often abides with me when I go shore side. It has been that way since childhood and Mahalo Kenny because I will be going shore side within the hour to continue to be a part of the spirit (mana) which evolves around us (even here at MIP). It won't be Punalu`u and then that's not important. I'm glad you remember it and that it abided with you there. Good on you. Malama Pono...Take care. (((hugs)))
I like that message Jer - God's will will never take me where His love cannot protect me - thanks its a keeper! When I am finding myself fearful of something I am facing I remind myself that HE did not give me a spirit of fear!
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I kind of needed to read that right ow too jerry. Thank you, my minds being racing today, feeling the fear and what ifs as if they have actually happening. Thank God for these tools and these members.x
Go head and take my inventory ...lol
lol