The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is no surprise to my husband that I hate his drinking! He will start in about 7pm with, your not talking to me because I am drinking! I only discuss alcohol when he is sober, but I joined the forum yesterday and have found a local chapter in my home town! Do I tell him I'm going??? I am looking for a counselor now to help with the depression that this is causing!
Good going to a meeting. Some people do not tell their
Spouse if there will be problems afterward. Depends on
Your relationship, mine was fine actually both my therapists
Highly recomended alanon for me. My ah was attending AA
And i was slow to start alanon but i did and started then
stopped I was much too raw.
Then i started again in ernest once a week meetings.
I could have stood many more mtgs a week but work load
Prevented me from going to more. I still only listened, learned
And absorbed for two years and of course i cried alot. I too
Was depressed and traumatized by my dry ah actions and
behaviors. They were horrible!
Then when my ah asked for a divorce and moved out my dam
Broke open. My true healing and recovery journey started, i still
Am have Growing pains.
Use your judgement on what to say to him. Your recovery is yours
And not really any of his business to know what was said or how
You felt. Some people say i am just going to a support group for
Me nothing else.
s Miranda said, some people tell and others don't. In my mind honesty is the best policy. My wife was happy that I was going, but she was just starting AA and heard that Al Anon would be good for me to go to to help support her. Little did she know it is about me, not her, but she is finding that out now as well.
If you do tell your husband, we have a slogan that says "Mean what you say, say what you mean, and don't say it mean". I kind of liken it to when Officer Friday says "Just the facts, ma'am" on Dragnet. I would feel advised by that in what kind of attitude you bring to the table, no matter what you discuss with him.
Aloha Loving...In time the program will also help us with the fear and guilt and shame that sometimes arises when we want to do what we need to do for ourselves with out someone else's blessings. You don't have to use the word "He" if you justify...you can use the word alcoholism (you're entitled to your own experience and wisdom) or concern or any other honest thing. My situation was just a bit different than Kenny's in that my alcoholic/addict wife got "itchy" about me going to Al-Anon because I sat around and talked about her all the time. I just had to tell her "Honey it's an anonymous program and no one knows anything about you". Alcoholics are self centered to the max and she never got itchy ever again. I recovered and still am.
If you are allowed to go shopping without his permission or anywhere else...try this yourself and let him have his own reactions if he cares. Keep coming back here (((((hugs)))))
