The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my 1st post and I have fought this battle for year of ups and downs. The man I love most in this world is an alcoholic and I have finally realized without intervention I will loose him and may loose him in the intervention process anyway. Almost 3 years ago I broke every bottle of alcohol in our home and told him I would never buy it and that if hard liquor ever returned to our home I would leave. He went from a Gallon of Crown a week to 6 pack of beer a day to now the lovely higher alcohol content beers at a 12 pack a night! I love him till about 5 or 6 every evening and then find myself isolated from watching. His mother was bipolar, alcoholic 5 time in rehab, rx addict and eventially killed her insides and later took her life. His father is also an alcoholic but denies it! My kids love him like I do but hate his behavor at times. I struggle with understanding how I can love him so much but yet let him inflict so much heart ache and pain! I am searching for a treatment facility before I start the intervention process, I want everything in place before then including being ready to pick up and move should he not take the path that is given to him. I feel like I have waisted 20+ years but yet I still cling to moments that hang at my heart.
Lovinghim you are not alone. Please go to the nearest
Alanon face to face meetings for support. It is a journey
About caring for ourselves and learning tools to help us
Dealing with an alcoholic. It is too much to do alone
Without the support of others who have walked in your
Shoes. We get as sick as the alcoholic in a different way.
Alanon is a program about helping us deal with the effects
Of alcoholism and the effects it has on us. The main tools are
Loving detachment and boundaries with consequences.
Most interventions do not work, they cause more trouble than
They are worth. The addict must want to get sober and healthy
Not stay sick and addicted. AA is for him, alanon is for you.
In Alanon you learn the art of self love and self care. Having
Your HP walk you thru your journey of self discovery and
Self acceptance. Alanon is all about helping you to emotional
and Spiritual health.
Hello Dee Dee, welcome to the board. In my beginning, I liked the thought expressed to give yourself time, not make any major decisions right away; seek out Al-Anon face to face meetings and work on recovery for you, leaving his recovery in his hands. That helped me a lot, slowed down my "gotta solve this now!" frame of thinking and allowed me to think and breathe and step back to figure out what it was I wanted and how to get there. I'm glad you found us, I hope you get as much out of it as I did!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
As Miranda mentioned, my experience was that my wife didn't get sober until she was ready to. I talked/yelled/pleaded til I was blue in the face. And I am pretty sure, if I would have had an intervention, we wouldn't be togehter today, because she would likely have forced a walk-out when intervened on.
Please come to an Al Anon meeting. You will get good advice there on how to help yourself so that you can help the rest of your family,. That may eventually include leaving him, staying, who knows? But until I got some peace for myself, I couldn't have made the correct decision for me, I know that much.
Keep coming back here, and see if you can get to an Al Anon face-to-face meeting.
You are certainly not alone. You have come to the right place and as others have mentioned, face to face meetings are great and will help you focus on yourself. I remember hearing 'it is too much for most people to live with an active alcoholic'. That is true and that is why there is support and help for us. As Kenny wrote, there is nothing you can do or not do that will influence whether your A will seek sobriety. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Hope you are able to get to face to face meetings and there are also online meetings available here as well.
Hi Dee Dee...most of what you hear right away will run counter to your thoughts and intentions because we have learned to rid ourselves of those same thoughts and intentions. Pouring it out, throwing it out, drinking it before she got to it, yelling, screaming, fighting etc...been there and done that and came to understand that my wife was suffering from a life threatening disease which altered her mind, body, spirit and emotions and therefore she wasn't my wife...she was my alcoholic and I didn't know anything about alcoholism early on, coming to the rooms of Al-Anon. I couldn't say it, spell it or understand it and yet I was born and raised in it. There was lots I had to come to understand and most of it immediately was in the second part of our first step, "our lives had become unmanageable". The first part I didn't get until a bit later, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that..." Since I was born and raised in the disease of alcoholism I made no connection between the bottle and the insanity.
Interventions don't work the majority of the time and maybe one reason is because they are initiated by others who are not the alcoholic. It is known from experience that what works best is when the alcoholic decides to find help from those who can help him/her because they know they need help and then become committed to getting and staying with that help against all odds. So if your alcoholic isn't ready...he isn't ready and still you have to do something about Dee Dee. What is your part in this? That is tough and wild question I had to learn how to listen to and then consider when I reached the doors of Al-Anon because I thought that none of it was my cause and I was being victimized. We play a part. Its not about fault or blame ...its about cooperation and enabling. You will learn the differences in the face to face Al-Anon meetings most of us participate in for our own healing. You will also find the solutions here in the MIP family. Glad you have found us...keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I hear your pain. My husband went to rehab on February 5th of this month after I left him due to his addiction. He says he did it to save our marriage.
