I feel lost - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I feel lost

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Cathy - I'm sorry you feel lost, I can understand why though, a lot of uncontrollables coming up in your life and to top it off, like me, your weight disturbs your serenity. When I got done with my ex I told myself not worry about that part of my life, just get your head back on straight and give yourself time to heal. Well I'm now pushing 200 lbs and I have two pairs of pants I can wear! Cutting off my fingers set me back physically and I've yet to recover fully physically, but i'm working on it as best I can. One step at a time eh? I haven't slept well in years, take diphenhydramine to help and do the best I can to rest in between so it doesn't destroy me. I tried Melatonin but it gave me vivid dreams that left me more tired. I've been away from my main income job because of my hand and I want to get back to it because that's how I make it through the summer!

I understand and can relate to some of your fears - my weight is mine to get back under control (even though part of the reason is the wonder of menopause working against me) and the hand will recover better if I do the work to get there - I have to accept the time it takes to heal.

I hope you are feeling better soon!

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi cathy, so glad you came here. Just because your son is not actively drinkjng right now doesnt mean you dont need help or recovery for yourself. You have been through a lot. It takes time to reach that place of balance. Its like while we are in the chaos, its hign anxiety, hormoes flooding through our body, fight or flight. Then, theres the peace, just like that so we go back down to earth but its difficult to keep the balance and not sink into depression. In some ways its probably natural. Our bodies and minds dont knkw what to dk wjth all the peace.
It could be time to get back into the recovery program, not just the big toe but the whole you. Meetings, readings constant and regular. You have learned so much on this journey and youve got a lot to give and in my experience its the taking part and giving where the recovery gets deeper. Its lifelong cathy or we get our misery refunded.x

deacon · Senior Member

Cathy not sure about your age but a lot of the physical stuff you talk about happens around menopause. The anxiety, the sleeplessness, the feeling of unrest and the worry along with weight gain. That being said, I am well over menopause and I still worry about my son. While he is not drinking a huge amount, he is still drinking, living in another country and told us last week that he and his partner are expecting a baby in late August. I am just working so hard on realizing that I cannot control or change another person, I cannot go back and change the past, he knows the mistakes he has made so there is no use harping on them and we have to work really hard on detachment. I am finding that exercise is making a huge difference in how I feel these days.

I am also learning how to endure hard times from watching a dear friend. She lost her husband years ago after a prolonged illness. Then her 40 year old son, a very successful businessman, dropped dead one day and a year later her 41 year old daughter had a stroke. Then she herself had a stroke last November and, while she was recovering from that, her son-in-law ran a red light and collided with a car. He has brain injuries that mean he will never work again. And yet my friend still carries on and manages to find joy in her life. I know she must suffer but she also lives life to the fullest. So I watch her and I learn.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Cathy...that is almost exactly the description of my trip into powerlessness. I start thinking ahead in negative terms and of things I have absolutely no control of even in the present and then I bring out my crystal ball ...the black one that only does doom and gloom and then I wander into my "poor me room" and play with the ugly toys. This is my addiction and it is insidious. Add to that today, I'm ill and physically not feeling good though I'm getting better "its not good enough"...so there!! Sitting quietly in the palms of my Higher Power works for me. I don't have to do anything but sit there. I don't have to figure stuff out...just sit there. Nothing's gonna happen that won't be better for me when I just sit in the palms of my Higher Power's hands and just let the other small stuff (its all small stuff) go. Lets do it together. Go get a chair or stool and climb up into your Higher Power's hands and lay back and relax. Curl up, get warm, nap...don't take any worries with you at all. (((((hugs))))) smile

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((Cathy))))))))) You are awesome and I can relate. When I stress out I eat, when I eat I hate my body and weight. I haven't been making time to work out with school, kids and work, but I need to keep my body and head in the game, otherwise I go to the train station headed to crazy town and waste time stinkin thinkin and forecasting to a future I have no crystal ball to figure out. I know this story and have been there and am there now myself. It's not healthy and I too know what I need to do and the changes I can make, just don't wanna some days. Self care is huge in the midst of stress and so are healthy hobbies. Getting enough sleep is huge and can make everything worse, so I will send you prayers for some good sleep and send you some love and support on your journey!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi cathy sending you cyber hugs!

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Cathy! The only thing I want to point out is that your son isn't getting out today so not to minimize your fear and anxiety just pointing out .. Who knows where he will be in another year. There is no sense I worrying about today what has not come to pass. To share a little story .. One of my bffs her son went to prison and got his act together big time. He's now getting his counseling masters in addiction counseling and doing very well. She still can't believe it. I think it's been 4 years now .. Still it doesn't matter .. What matters is he lives his life one day at a time. ;) ago should you. I agree about the hormones abd age we women really very the short end of the stick in that regard so be gentle with you. Plus I would think after so much contestant chaos peace can feel awkward and even challenging. This too shall pass ..

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Bah! I am sorry you are feeling this way. Not sure I have any words to help you feel better...other than you rock and you are loved by many people and felines :)

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy:

I can relate too--especially to the food and weight issues. I know I am 'off' if my turning to food is on the forefront.

I don't know if this will help--but when I feel anxious in the ways you describe, sometimes it helps me to focus on one small good thing. Whatever positive I can find--a share I related to at a meeting? A tree I never noticed before? Something that made me smile?

Some of what you wrote about is future--your son getting out next year, your SO retiring...I know it's hard but do your best to stay in today; there's nothing you can do about those futures you wrote about?

(((((Cathy)))))

Mary

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you so much everyone....

Just to post and get some feedback helps a lot in getting your head straight when it's out of wack. It reminds me that it's one day at a time and tomorrow you can have a better outlook on things.

If there is one thing I can control and that's my weight...so I will work on that one day at a time and see if it helps feel better about myself. Like someone told me " cut out the bread "

I also see that lack of sleep can and will effect you greatly.

(((( hugs ))))

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I have the weight problem eating gives me comfort
But not very healthy. It takes time to shop and cook
And do all the exercising. I hope to someday conquer
That problem. The emotional eating, eating when you
Are bored,stuffing your feelings with food.

Keep working on yourself talk to positive upbeat
People. Negativity breeds negativity. My red flags
Stand on end when i am around unsupportive
People. I have a few in my life but i limit my
Exposure while i am on my healing journey.
I am too raw and easily hurt by unsupportive or
Non validating people. They do not have your best
Interest at heart they are in their own disease.

Sleep is very important for your frame of mind.
I work home health so i have crazy hours and
What a difference in my mood being well rested.

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, I can only add to what others have said here and say that you are loved and you are awesome! As for the weight thing: that's such a tough one for women because we do have to deal with menopause and the hormonal upheaval that goes along with it. I suggest going to your local MD, telling them about your concerns, getting hormones and thyroid checked, and then seeing if the doc has any medical suggestions for you. That includes the weight issue, too.

My MD has a weight loss program that he recommends with a dietitian who works with YOU specifically: looking at your lifestyle, your work habits, your ability to exercise, etc. FYI: I love my MD, he's located off the 101 and 59th Avenue at Paseo Family Physicians. Even my crabby AH likes him, his name is Dr Tolson. Very conservative doc, down to earth and real, doesn't talk over your head, great bedside manners so to speak. I've been going to him at least 6 years now.

Other than that, you could just try to get in a 20 min walk every day and see how you feel. Start small and make small changes. HUGS!

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Cathy~What struck me is that you have been through this before and found your way out, so I would bet you can do that again! I was lost for a very long time and it's only through doing all the alanon things that keeps me focused and going forward. And let's not forget that we will all have setbacks, I certainly do, and just have to trust this program to help me find my way again. I have faith in you! Lyne

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((Hugs)))))))) Cathy

Hope you are feeling better today.

A while back we tried a carb free diet - eating just veggies and protein. It was the easiest weight loss I've experienced.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I know one thing it isn't. because I went through memopause at 42. Thyroid was checked out a few months ago and it's OK. Guess what " I eat too much and don't exercise " Cathy's being a big pig eating just to eat. Has to have that full feeling all the time. God forbid she will let her stomach growl a little to get the body started on losing a little weight.

You guys are the best and gave me a smile today with all the great support.

(((( BIG HUGS ))) PS: Wish I could do it in person

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.