The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi every one, Iam new to this site and Al-Anon. I met my partner three and a half years ago. He had been in recovery for two years. He had a dual addiction drink and cocaine. He was a lovely partner but very hard work mood wise very up and down. I started to read the signs of him being moody very self absorbed, he would say things like why can i not get a good job, why do i never get the chances other people in recovey get, I hate where i live I dont fit in every one drinks, the fellow ship is rubbish they do nothing for you. I do not drink through choice even before we met. But i would just console him and usually talk it through, oh how we would talk about him. Even going through all this I loved my relationship with him but do recognise i was enabling him to an certain extent to be self absorbed. But he is the only partner who bought me flowers presents and told me I was a wonderful woman.
We moved in together after a year and a half and were happy but he got disallussioned with AA and started going to Church, then Gym, then the 3 principles meditation. Then he got to the point he absolutely hated his job moaned constantly about it the people and the town we live in, we are in Scotland, I am Scottish he is English. Well his father and Stepmother took over a pub and were basically putting a lot of pressure on him to come back to help them move into the Pub. Eventually he relented and said he needed to go and help them. I said i felt very nervous about him going but he said not to worry he loved me and would be home soon as a pub enviroment was no place for him.
Well he was just home a week with me and told me he was leaving, he was crying i was crying it was awful but i felt if it was what he needed to do i had to let him and i did, even though i felt he had been influenced by his Stepmum and Dad. Well we have stayed in touch, one minute he is getting on ok then he tells me i miss you so much but i cant come back because that town did nothing for me and it goes on like that. Well last week we decided to meet up and he was aw I want to come back I love you but the town, dead end jobs. I have got to the point i feel i Need to speak to people who understand. When we lived together i for some reason did not want to go to Al-anon. I love this man and I know he loves me but the emotional see-saw is awful.
I know why I didn't want to go to Al-Anon...I thought I knew it all and I didn't want interference with my process...which of course truthfully yet unknown at the time, wasn't working. Aloha Clarkangel and welcome to the board. You've found family and lots of ESH...Experience, Strength and Hope...keep coming back and reading and listening cause MIP and Al-Anon can and will change your life if your work for it. We don't give advise cause we are not pros and we can share with you what we learned and what works for us today. Quite often you will find lots of similarities in our recovery and so many similarities in how we enabled the alcoholics and addicts and others in our lives and lost a lot of our own lives in the process. I was once asked "how would your life be if you put in as much effort as you don with your alcoholic/addict wife"? I couldn't answer cause I didn't know cause I wasn't doing that until I got to Al-Anon for real. It took me two trips into the program to finally find my chair and hold on to it and then it took many one day at a times to get up to speed. I'm in support...keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Going to alanon face to face meetings might save your sanity.
Alcoholism is too much for most people to deal with alone. You
Learn new tools to help you live better and it is a program all
About you and your growth in spite of the effects of the disease.
You learn about self care, self love and self acceptance. It is
A program to help you take care of you. We can lose ourselves
In the addict so our wants desires and needs are on the back
Burner. That is not how it is suppose to be.
Your goal would be your Hp first then yourself next. Your hp Is not
another individual. Most people its God of their understanding.
Sometimes alanon, mother earth. Then others come after that.
At meetings we talk about ourselves and our journey. You
Can mention your qualifier but its not about them.
In person Alanon meetings offer wonderful support from those of us who have lived with this sort of insanity. We can't change others but we can regain our sanity by working the program. Wishing you the best on your recovery journey. I hope you're able to find an Alanon meeting in near where you live and experience the gifts of the fellowship. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Took me some time before I recognized alcoholism as a true disease .. had always heard that but couldn't quite get it .. what helped me is to Hear alcoholism is not just a 'drinking disease .. it's a 'thinking disease .. and it's also a Family disease .. all who are involved become effected .. the behaviors are sometimes Confusing, baffling, powerful, manipulating, cunning & many times hidden ..
I hope you will consider and find a way to attend face to face meetings nearby where you are ... they can change our lives .. I find for me .. having others in the fellowship with experience to share that gives me strength and hope ? It's a 'we program .. 'we is so much better than 'me alone in my confusion and unclear thinking going on in my mind .. good luck from me too .. much hope for serenity your way ..
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. I'm going to keep coming back. Everyone has something valuable to say, I keep reading and my head is going exactly I know what you mean that is just what it is like. At the moment I just cant bring myself to go to a face to face meeting, it has taken a lot for me to do this as my way is usually to keep everything in, but it is nice to know i have found somewhere to go.
Clarkangel i did not speak for close to two years. I went listened,learned
And absorbed. You can pass, most newbies do not speak! cry yes!
Most of us end up at alanon because we have hit bottom and are in
immense Pain and hurt. You are not alone believe me!
We have all been there, face to face mtg is to break the isolation and to learn
And hear wisdom from others. You need to do your own work nobody can
Learn your lessons for you.
Do not be frightened to go. You will be welcomed. Nobody is any better
than the other person. They are all there for the same reason some
difficulty With alcoholism. It is a group of equals.
There are 3 daily readers you can purchase 12-14 dollars each. That
Helps with learning the alanon thinking and ways. Sponsors are also
A great resource to help show you the ropes and explain things to
You.
I just joined this forum and I know I will have to go to a face to face meeting but I'm scared too.
I've finally admitted to myself that my husband is an alcoholic and it's probably only going to get worse.
I can also see that we're no good for each other, there is manipulation on both sides; he blames me for his failures and I am using his sober moments to complain about his drunken behavior so that he can make it up by doing things for me....I just realized this through reading these boards...so yeah, I must be sick too.
I will have to start this.
Where I live there is only one al-anon meeting per week and this week I can't make it because family will be in town (no idea how to deal with that!) so maybe I will go next week.
In the meantime I will be here, reading, learning and trying to face what my life has become.
