The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I understand it, (and I am still pretty fresh, I move very slowly in this program, after 1.5 years I am still not all of the way through the steps but I believe in the process and work at it daily), but anyway as I understand it al-anon is a space where I can be safe to grow flowers instead of weeds in my heart and soul (I borrowed that idea from a good friend). And a place where it is OK for me to take care of me, instead of taking care of everyone else and then getting angry and hurt when they don't return the favor.
This simple concept as worked amazingly well for me. It's actually a wonderful, kind and caring thing to do, taking responsibility for your own spiritual and emotional health, leaving other people to their own journeys, not expecting other people to rescue or defend me. Not making every interesting situation about me. Not having people walk on egg shells or worry about upsetting me.
I go to al-anon, and write on this MIP forum so that I can practice this new understanding in a safe place and sometimes, when I feel I have something to offer, to encourage other people to do the same and help direct them to the same tools and wisdom I have been gifted.
I am not directing this post towards anybody specific by the by, and at the same time of course I am thinking about it because there has been some unrest and division in the air and i just want to state out loud, why I am here, why I want to be a art of this group and why I do not usually respond to controversy, fight picking or calls to arms. I do mess up occasionally of course and involve myself in someone else's business. I am a work in progress.
But that is simply not why I am here. I am here to learn how to DROP the rope, find serenity even when under fire and be happy and at peace with myself no matter what is going on around me.
Sometimes, in al-anon meeting groups and online, people have disagreements and ask me to pick sides. That is counter-productive to my own recovery and I won't do it. I sometimes have to fight my instincts to be silent but I am determined to do so because that is what is at the VERY HEART of my recovery. Learning to be able to be silent, let people have and be whatever they chose and keep my side of the street clean.
I am here to learn to be the best Melly that I can be. Not the best friend, not the best wife, the best mother, the best al-anoner or the best advisor. Just the best me, the most honest and comfortable me that I can be. The most comfortable in her own skin, unafraid, non-judgemental and happy Melly I can be. With that as my foundation, i believe i WILL be the best friend, partner, mother that I can be. The only thing I was better at before al-anon was being a doormat. I was awesome at that.
I hope that the more I learn and grow, the more I will know instinctively how to share this with other people when they seek help and direct them to the right tools.
Anyway I just wanted to state why I am here and what this program and forum mean to me.
I love everyone here and I am honored by and grateful for the wisdom, patience and understanding I have found here as well as the gift of learning through other people's shares. This forum was my first contact with al-anon and the people here have stood by me while I learnt to challenge myself and make sometimes very painful changes I never thought possible before and because of it, my life looks very, very different to the way it did 18 months ago when I first came here to complain about my drunk A and ask for ways to "force him" to do right by me.
Thank you all, very, very much. What you have given to me through your fellowship has been absolutely life-changing.
(((everyone)))
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Mel
I may be a little bit rough around the edges, and I may not do everything right, but a post like what you just wrote lets me know why I do what I do, in the face of so many obstacles and hardships sometimes. It is not the people that have come and gone that make this site the home it has become. it is those who stay and weather the storms, and plant their feet solidly to make the difference they can from within. Betty, like yourself, and many others are those people who turned the house I built long ago, into the nice home it is today.
Thank you so much for being you!!
John
PS. sending you a pm
__________________
" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
Mel: I am so glad you found us. This is a better place because of you. Your posts are so real & from the heart. I wish I had found MIP sooner but they tell me you get here right in time. Wherever you are you belong here.
I enjoy your post. I'm not sure what (if any) hardships or negative things you may have experienced here or anywhere in al anon but we are all human so if it was perfect I'd be afraid I was communicating with aliens LOL ... thanks for your share.
I would like to add that this board has really helped my life! Someplace to come when there seems to be no where else to turn and a safe place to be even when it's not so bad..
I think al anon is what I wish all programs could be to me it is a non judgemental safe place where we offer support the best way we know how without the expectation of anything in return...
And by the way I'd like to add : "I'm proud of you! " that 's not an "al anon" thing... I just feel like I am proud of you and for you!
-- Edited by glad on Sunday 8th of February 2015 07:42:32 PM
-- Edited by glad on Sunday 8th of February 2015 07:44:46 PM
I've shared a lot here. I've been nurtured by you guys and I've tried to give it back as best I can. I've shown my ass a few times but grown leaps and bounds too. I've been on MIP since I had 60 days sober and its now six and a half years later. Its pretty much been part of my journey the whole duration of my recovery. I've met people from the site in person. I've talked to many over the phone. I have had people comfort me here when I had horrible break ups and when I was scared and and didn't know what to do. I think I tried to give back to others to help them grow stronger the way I did. It's more than just some website. I will never forget how when I was getting married half you guys changed avatars to church hats. Those are things that make the site very dear to me. Several of us have gotten pretty close on here. I am grateful for these relationships.
I am glad you are here too. I don't post often anymore. But I come here often for the wisdom that I need to live my life to my best ability. I am grateful for all of you.
"Taking care of me and not others then reacting when they don't return the favour"
This is definitely where I am at The moment!
I am hoping that taking on this job will give me time for me. No longer will I just be mummy and housewife. I will have other adults around me who will ask me to help them get things done, I will not be stuck in the house making sure everything is immaculate and perfect. Partner has even suggested getting a cleaner in twice a week so I am not left doing everything when I come home at nights and has said when he is home he will do the school and nursery run. This helps a lot and frees up time for me to enjoy my morning runs. I love running, maybe slightly obsessive about it but that comes from being obese and losing!
Your post helps me in more ways than I thought possible.
What you said I can see in myself, I guess before coming on here I thought I was totally alone in this journey but far from it! I know now that no magic pill will fix this, that no matter how much I do for people it will never be appreciTed as much as I would appreciate it being some for me, I do walk on egg shells at times but I think the more I talk and the more I can relate I realise it is the illness making him be this way and nothing I have said or done.
X
As has been said before Mel, you are a good writer and you've said this well! I like "let go of the post" myself, same concept. Thanks!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I agree mel. Im here for me and my own recovery. In giving we receive so giving my esh is helping me. The conflict that arises from time to time i admit to becoming involved. The dis-ease is still alive in me. Thats why im here really. I spent so long not sure of myself and not really having much to say but i do now and i dont really care too much what others think of me either. Im free of a lot of the rules i used to live by. Its balance im looking for. I want to be able to work out how important something is and is it any of my business or is it good for me to respond or not. Ive met some great people here who i would call friends including you. I want to take my progress further now and i think i can do that through service work. Thanks for the post.x
Love this! I too am so thankful for Al-Anon meetings and also this board! I read these days more than I can comment but I am very thankful to be able to come here and keep myself in check!
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