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After being emotionally beaten up again today and treated like the enemy yesterday by my A boyfriend I know in my heart I have to get out of this sick relationship. 12 1/2 years with him and I am feeling so broken and torn apart that I don't think I can heal being with him even though he's in therapy working on himself which doesn't seem to be working well at all I can't do it anymore. I was a single mom of one when I met him this time I will be a single mom of 2 young children and one 20 yr old who still lives at home and I am terrified I won't be able to find a way financially to do it. That is the scariest part for me. My 10 yr old is on the autism spectrum so it will be even harder because of those issues. I don't think I have ever been so terrified in my life of having to do something. Any words of encouragement are welcome and any stories of similar situations I would love to hear. I was feeling good and making progress with myself before yesterday and once again the demon rears it's ugly head. I'm so emotionally exhausted I have nothing left to give him or our relationship.
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
I hear you Holly, i am in the same boat except no children.
So i have no esh to give on children my ah has been dry
For 30 years and has been attending aa for 3 years. Still
Not Much in the way of emotional sobriety. He started his
Recovery but refused to be honest or really work it.
We are getting divorced but it has been brewing for 11 years.
There has been much emotional and verbal abuse when he
Started attending AA. He has demons he wont face and he is
Also acting very immature and has an aa gf.
Are you attending ftf meetings? They really helped me be
ready to deal with all this upset of divorce. I been attending
Ftf For 2+ years mostly listening,learning and absorbing the
Wisdom of the rooms.
When ah announced he wanted a divorce my dam broke open
and i spoke about my reality and started my true healing journey.
You Need to get out of the abuse to start to heal and trust again.
My ah had been gone for 6 months i still struggle daily after
29 year marriage. I am still grieving and hurting, he refuses
To be accountable or honest.
You may be surprised how much easier the financial things are once you are no longer with the A. I was... if not it will still be easier. Keep going to meetings they may save you life like they did for me.
Please keep coming back here to this board too. No one can care or understand as much as those in similar situations.
Yes all our stories are similar.. please feel free to read my old post if you want to read about emotional abuse, emotional abandonment and basically emotionally torture... I know how you feel.
I recently left my alcoholic fiance, after he left me for his addictions. I am new to this site, but its biggest help to me is in hearing that other people have gone through similar situations. I suffer from feelings of terminal uniqueness ('I am going to be the one that can never be happy again', 'Him and I were meant to be - if I give up on us, this is a permanent sentence of misery', etc...), and even if just for a few seconds - reading that I'm not alone is comforting. I know the pain you're in - so those few seconds are a lot. I wish I had more wisdom to offer, but I am at the starting line with you. Sending good thoughts your way.
I left my A boyfriend a few months ago,I was scared to death,the odds were against me making it financially,but things are working out,it hasn't been easy but I am doing it.I was so miserable,I was willing to do whatever it took.When I left I didn't have a car that ran so I took the bus to my therapy sessions,now I have a car and I have gone back to school.I never would have been able to do these things before.As far as financially I am better off really because he spent it on his addictions,now I control my money.
When I left I had a 2 year old and a 12 year old and moved into a shared house with other people. It was time to go and I knew it was time after 15 years and I made it happen, because I needed a change. You will know when it is time for you to make the changes you can and when you are ready. Sending you love, strength, support and courage!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
You guys are all so amazing in your accomplishments and for having the courage to share with others. I feel better knowing others have been successful and that I am not alone. I am not afraid to end our relationship as we've been in fights many times that he says he doesn't want to live in it either I know there will come peace for me when we separate he has a house in another town I know I will stay at our house with the kids, it was actually my house before it was ours anyway. I have sat down and figured out the finances and how much it will cost me so that I can see if I can get some more clients (I work for myself cleaning houses) or get a part time job, I still need to be here to get the kids on and off the bus one of my children is on the Autism spectrum and I wouldn't help him at all to have to be somewhere especially after school homework can be daunting enough for him with me. I have a plan but I know it will be slow going to save before I can separate from him. I know this is what is best not only for me to heal but I believe for him also, and most of all for our children. I am so thankful to have people in my life that understand what this is like and to have encouragement from them also.
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
Having a plan is a great start. Dig into your alanon meets if you can
It will give you inner strength to slay your dragons. I still struggle
Daily with mine but i am healing inside and growing. I try only to
Deal with positive and encouraging people that offer loving support
And acceptance. It is truly an inside job with the help of your HP.
I left my AH last March. Luckily I am a nurse, so my income is pretty good. But he lost his job and I've been on my own financially. It isn't easy. My mom has helped me. I am starting a new job soon with more hours, since I am only part time right now. I am actually doing better overall not living with him. Can your 20 yr old work and help out financially?
What helped me is just doing one thing at a time and putting one foot in front of the other and everything fell into place. at least you wont have to go through a divorce. I am going through my second one. ugh
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Tuesday 10th of February 2015 12:24:52 PM
-- Edited by Newlife girl on Tuesday 10th of February 2015 12:26:22 PM
Oh Holly..it IS SO DIFFICULT...but oh so worth it...I know you feel like you are about to jump off a cliff but when you do it you WILL land on your feet. I left a marriage of 30 years....he was sober but still an emotional alcoholic (dry drunk). The financial part is scary but does work itself out. have faith in yourself..you can do this and what a great example you are setting for you kids...your are showing them what courage looks like. There will be initial sadness followed by times that get a little better each day.. and you will then be working toward the life you deserve rather than just existing and getting through life...Just do one day at a time....and trust in yourself....praying for you Holly....
