Courage to change - Al-Anon Family Group

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Courage to change

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks again Neshema for sharing your thoughts on the reading in the C2C for today. I love this page as it reinforces the fact that in Al-Anon we are participatin in a fellowship of equals.

As you stated, many who attend meeting have elected to climb down off that ladder of competition and one upmanship which leads to compare and despair and entered a circle of equals which widens to include everyone that enters. What a powerful vision and experience that truly is.

I love the thought that reinforces the fact that being humble means climbing down off the ladder of judgment of myself and others and taking my rightful place in a world wide circle of love and support.

Thanks for your service and the topic

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you, Neshema, for sharing all that you have learned in this program and for being so willing to share what has been true about you and how you have been able to make many shifts that have helped you to be the person you have become. There is no secret of the affection I feel for you and how powerful your shares can be for me.

One of the things that appeals to me in face to face meetings is the humble state of people who have been in the program for awhile or have just entered it. It is near impossible for anybody to put on airs because most everyone sitting in the chairs have learned how isolating being puffed up or low down can be. It is one of the few places one can go where folks do air their dirty linen in public and are affirmed for doing that. Slowly letting our masks down and our truth up is so healing for me. We might all be at different stages of our healing process but meetings sure bring home to me that none of us are "there yet." And that truly doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is being able to express myself honestly and openly with others who know they need help and are willing to accept it in the company of other healing and humble people.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Love this one and how you brought it into your words, thank you.

I used to vascillate between (will use your words Grateful) begin puffed up and puffed down, honestly there are remnants of that, still. I find, most often, though, I can stay pretty even keeled wherever and with whomever I am around. I learned how to be humble and authentic through al anon. I am not so much feeling inferior or superior around anyone, and, I have found, the more genuine I am, I sense in the other a relaxing of their persona. This is what step 12 is about, for me.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
Love this one and how you brought it into your words, thank you.
I used to vascillate between (will use your words Grateful) begin puffed up and puffed down, honestly there are remnants of that, still. I find, most often, though, I can stay pretty even keeled wherever and with whomever I am around. I learned how to be humble and authentic through al anon. I am not so much feeling inferior or superior around anyone, and, I have found, the more genuine I am, I sense in the other a relaxing of their persona. This is what step 12 is about, for me.

yea as i feel better about me, I can look at others and say "ok they have their good points/assets and so do I" its like , and as you said, the more genuine I am , the more relaxed I am and the more relaxed the others in my life or in the outer circles are....its like being a phoney takes bad energy to keep it going....and folks sense it...........hope this post made sense......

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
It is one of the few places one can go where folks do air their dirty linen in public and are affirmed for doing that. Slowly letting our masks down and our truth up is so healing for me. We might all be at different stages of our healing process but meetings sure bring home to me that none of us are "there yet." And that truly doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is being able to express myself honestly and openly with others who know they need help and are willing to accept it in the company of other healing and humble people.

oh yea, for me it was #1 to be BELIEVED....no accusations of "oh they didn't do THAT much bad to you" or out and out calling me a liar (FOO) #2, to be ACCEPTED and LOVED ---AFTER I drop the bombshells what my life was like and they still LOVED me (alanons) it sunk in that this was never my evil..never my crime...so thus it NEVER defined who/what I was/am, but it was HIS bus ticket to hell.....oh yea, meetings and chat room meets and boards like this were each responsible for my being able to cut the chains around my heart and let them drop to the ground......i can be open, honest and even crying and fearful and not everyone responds to my shares, but the ones who do??? are enough to help me see that I am part of the healing family.....I am HOME......

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

smile I agree, N. You are most certainly "home."

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
It is near impossible for anybody to put on airs because most everyone sitting in the chairs have learned how isolating being puffed up or low down can be. It is one of the few places one can go where folks do air their dirty linen in public and are affirmed for doing that. Slowly letting our masks down and our truth up is so healing for me.

I remember my first meeting fac2fac...i was scared they would shun me if i shared MY stuff....so i sat and listened....heard stuff and the more i heard the more i knew I had come home...gradually i began to share, but still most of it i kept on the boards or in on line meets b/c i didn't want folks to see the pain on my face but little by little my airing my dirty linen in public began to accompany emotions....real emotions.....b/c i knew i could be the REAL me.....it was like walking out of the darkness and into the light.....

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
I learned how to be humble and authentic through al anon. I am not so much feeling inferior or superior around anyone, and, I have found, the more genuine I am, I sense in the other a relaxing of their persona.

being humble at first scared me...made me feel threatened..vulnerability was opening me up for attack.....as the years went by in recovery, i began to see humility and vulnerability as empowering....and made me more approachable by the safe people.......i always DID want to be real--genuine.....somehow those traits "hid" b/c in that home, I most certainly would not have survived.....now i can be me....and i am grateful....

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hotrod wrote:
I love the thought that reinforces the fact that being humble means climbing down off the ladder of judgment of myself and others and taking my rightful place in a world wide circle of love and support.

so sad for me...I used to think my story was just too awful and therefore i had no place anywhere.....I am glad al-anon showed me that that is not true.....for me it was being so low on the ladder that i had to to chin ups on the bottom rung........now i see that i am as good as , as acceptable as anyone else....

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.