The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Doing step 4 was an eye opener for me on so many levels...I do it routinely b/c I love this step...yea, it stings at times, but it is so freeing.......
Before i got to step 4, .I was treating my "symptoms" I was not digging at the roots of my problems... I was just hacking at the leaves....
doing a worksheet on family of origin issues, old back memories of stuff that happened to me, helped me get at the root, causes of my "growing" a survival tool in order to cope....doing family of origin work on my step 4 worksheet helped me understand me and therefore, come to finally forgive me....
When I was a child in that horrible family, I learned how to lie real good so I could get out of the house....thus, now , in my free life, i hate liars b/c I had to lie to get out of that nightmare..I hated ME for lying......honesty is BIG to me.....
Because I was unable to be honest and save me at the same time...something very sacrosanct to me (honesty--openess) was , for a while, taken away from me.....i had to survive at all costs and it did cost me.....
I had to forgive me for this...forgive me for being a child liar and con b/c i was only trying to escape the darkness i was imprisoned in, if only for a short while....
I seek the roots of my problems so i can #1, understand me, #2, work through the feelings about it and #3, come to a place where I can make my peace with me and move on to healthier ways of living...I am not in that prison anymore...i am free....Free to be the real me.......Thank HP for Al-anon........
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hi Neshema I agree step four is about digging at the roots and not the leaves that sprouted off from the root. It is a powerful step and once I experienced the freedom that it afforded me I understood why the wording of the step stated a "fearless inventory".
My first attempt at the step, I picked at "the leaves" and was very fearful. Once I became more comfortable with being me, and accepting my imperfections and my motives, it was much easier to understand the importance of going deeper and digging out the roots of my issues. Then I became fearless.
I agree, step 4 was a scary thought at first but its liberating. Owning and taking responsibility for my shortcomings, not justifying them. This allowed me to grow up.
Looking back and digging out the root causes of negative behaviiurs was also helpful for me. Step 4, for me gave me clarity, i stopped looking around for someone to blame when things went wrong for me, stopped playing the victim, it was very confusing and started looking in at me for my own discomfort. It becomes easier to do with practice.
