The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays odat talks of the first step..ingraining it so deeply onto our conscious that it almost becomes second nature in the way we live. It also talks of practicing the step hundreds of times and still reverting to old behaviors. It also talks of surrendering to Gods will concerning other people And their Addictions,etc.
What a good reading this is..I am using a mantra lately.. I now allow God to juggle this situation.i got it from a non cal book. Realizing I don't have to have all the answers. I can just relax and do the next best thing. Realizing like it says in the book just in a different way, I cant god can I think I'll let him. Realizing my ego wants and my true self accepts and loves and is free. Remembering the insanity of my self will in the past, doing the same thing thousands of times, arguing, cajoling, begging, pleading and crying. Being grateful that's over now.
It snowed a lot here last night, the grand baby was up crying most of the night, during the night I realized my powerlessness over my getting to my f2f meeting And also over her parents taking her to the dr. Her lungs are congested. I realized I can just pray for what gods will is and line up with that. Do what I can for me, but let others continue to make their own choices. I may not be right and God may have a better plan that I do. I'm definitely not going to make it to my f2f , too much snow, however I can share on here, I can call my sponsor and my significant other is dropping me off at the gym for a while while he takes the baby home. I'm so blessed that the gym is three blocks away. I felt someone cross talked me at my f2f yesterday in a cunning way, I can let that go and not attempt to understand why they did it. I no longer have to have all the answers. I can also have gratitude, I called my mom this morning and she doesn't even have power. I can be grateful I have heat, electricity, the simple things in life. Thank you for letting me share :)
-- Edited by karma13 on Sunday 1st of February 2015 06:46:45 AM
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
Thanks, Karma, for ODAT's focus today and your response to it. Many prayers for the baby, too.
What a relief it was for me to finally surrender my son and his disease into his HP's hands. I anguished for some time as to how I could best relate with him and to him. I did all I could reasonably do without throwing myself under the bus with him or over him. The most difficult part for me was seeing him in memory at various stages of his growth and development. I kept wanting to protect him, to guide him, to offer him the benefit of having a safe place to stay where alcohol, drugs and violence weren't to be found and a structure was in place to help him establish a routine. Had he been an adult who wasn't my child, perhaps I wouldn't have experienced the anguish that I did. But, he was an adult who was my child and I had no modeling to help me know what to do or not do in relationship to an active A who was my son. It took one member of our fellowship after a meeting to ask me one question: "How old is your son?" to wake me up to the present reality and stop trying to protect, guide or offer him a safe place to recover and to work on his life. He was an adult. He wasn't working on his program. The safe space I was offering to him was becoming an unsafe place for me because he was bringing into my home the very things I didn't want there. Accepting him as he was and doing what I could do to make sure my own home was alcohol, drug and violence free was gut wrenching for me but utilizing the program tools and spending time with other parents of adult children who were As helped me tremendously back then. I couldn't have done what I needed to do for me without the help of the membership, my program tools and the guidance and wisdom of my HP. Step 1 became an action step that helped release me from living a life that wasn't one I wanted. It also helped me accept that I truly was powerless over my son and his disease no matter how much I loved him and wanted him to be healthy and happy. His life was up to him as was his health and his happiness. It wasn't up to me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 1st of February 2015 08:13:38 AM
I liked this reading too, ive got it marked from my first year in the fellowship. Like you grateful, this was good for me in relation to my son too. Learning there is nothing i can do to stop his self destruct button, i stopped contributing to the problem and it did get worse but i think thats inevitable. I had been his fix it person and when i let go he didnt believe it at first so continued. Now he knows i habe let go, he feels it, theres evidence now so he knows the mistakes he makes come back on him not me. My responsibility is to my life and my well being, noone elses. I remember thinking how cold and unkind is that but it is the exact opposite. Our sons have a responsibility to their own lifes too, making decisions for them not to please us. Thanks for this karma dn grateful.x
Dear,Karma, thank you for sharing your thoughts on the ODAT's reading for today. I have a long history in program. Working Step One with my husband 's alcoholism was really easy because when I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon, I knew deep down that I was powerless and my life un manageable.
Several other issues surfaced during the course of my time in program, and detaching and admitting my powerlessness and moving on worked perfectly. I thought I had this Al-Anon program nailed down and could cruise on the 10th 11th and 12 step for the rest of my life.
Then one dreadful day my son relapsed , big time. The steps especially the first one flew out the window as I attempted, unsuccessfully to save his life. My will was for him to live successfully and be happy and I was going to force this no matter what.
I can remember when I finally accepted that I was powerless, stopped trying to force my will, and just prayed "not my will but thine"-I felt a release and relief within that was amazing. I no longer needed to try to force solutions as I had finally reached acceptance of life on life's terms. Difficult but most important This was when I really accepted the fact that I did not have to "Like" HP's will but I had to accept it for my sanity and peace .
I could so identify with the thought that " God may have a better plan "and I'm not always right. I could see that it was "My pride and ego" wanting my will and my true self , wanting God's will. I had a difficult time getting to my true self in this situation. That was a powerful thought. I still miss him every day but living one day at a time, trusting HP, making gratitude lists and taking appropriate actions, enables me to live life on life's terms with courage serenity and wisdom.
I am sorry the snow will keep you from your meeting but am glad that you were able to get to the gym.
Prayers that your grandchild will be restored to health. Thank you for your service
Thank you so much for sharing this today as I sit watching the snow fall. I hope the baby feels better soon. I use this step always, from the big things to the little things. Sometimes I am successful in letting go, other times not so much. When I am not, I go searching for the pay off I get out of not letting go...pesky payoffs
What a great share! Thank you. I could relate to so many things you said i.e. the insanity I used to live in daily, wanting to control those I loved, etc., etc. Program has taught me many things and it has saved me from a live of misery, literally. Wishing you better weather and a healthy grandbaby, Lyne
the first step, i kinda visualized my self needing an operation and i am lying on the table, w/a scalpel...would i do my own operation??? No!!! I am not qualified/powerless/over my head in this, but someone else CAN do the surgery and so it behooves me to turn over the scalpel and let someone more qualified do it
b/c i felt so abandoned by HP as a child, its hard for me to do step 3, NO worries on step 1, realizing that i am powerless...no worries and i get angry, usually, b/c the old me thinks "omg..i am powerless and therefore screwed b/c i am the only one in my corner, interested in my behalf" so step 1 would bring about my feeling helpless and i would rage out of anger b/c i HATE being helpless....i want to be able to take care of all my problems but I CANNOT....however in recovery, i see that i CAN take care of me...I CAN focus on me, no matter what even if it means walking away and just taking care of me and dropping the other..........step 2 thinking someone else or to me a universal energy can restore me, in order for that restoration to take place i have to be willing to give myself over to the program and be open..willing for change.....i can do that now...I am open to put out better energy.....
i knew my life was out of control waaay back....unmanagable waaaay back...so yea, step one i guess i knew it b4 , even, i got into recovery....i got into recovery b/c if my life is unmanagable as it is, how does it become managable????? by being open, honest, willing, humble enough to accept new ideas/ways of doing something and also step ONE for me is kinda the detachment step re: things that are not within my own hoola hoop......
i still have a problem with "his will" concept...so i just try to ask for "what is in my life chart and how do i align myself w/the good , positive energy that is mine????" what did my HP (no gender--just energy) and I work out for my life path?? and how do i get back on that path????
thanks karma...nice share
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I always talk in meetings about how I have to work steps 1-3 on a daily basis. Thank you for sharing about this reading. I went to my book and saw that I, too, had it marked to read regularly.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
