Well we're in and this will be our 3rd night in our own place and the first night that it is just daughter and I.

So this is awesome and at the same time, there are large teething problems, I won't lie,  daughter and I are both very grumpy and tired but hey, we're in our own place. She's settling in at her school. The difficulties are managable and that's a lot more than I could say 2 weeks ago when we had nowhere to go and the sky was falling. Still there s quite a way to go before we are settled and in any way comfortable.

I am having a little bit of a hard time with resentments right now and I think if I can get a handle on those I will be able to enjoy sorting out everything else a bit more. So whilst I am very happy to be in my own place at last I'm going to write out the stuff that's eating at me if that's OK because it helps me get a bit of perspective and turn the negatives around where I can and start working out what tools I need to fix up all of the mess in my head and heart!

Firstly as I have moaned about before, I allowed myself to be talked in to having my stuff stored at my parents instead of putting it into a storage facility which I should have done. So I hired a truck and A drove it, and he was actually awesome, moved all of our stuff by himself and was super friendly and positive for an entire day of moving stuff and truck driving. Until late in the evening when he clipped the fence backing the truck in and it caught on the gate. It was dark by then and he couldn't see me waving or hear me yelling and he ripped the gate right off my front fence wrecking the brickwork and tore a huge hole in the metal box that houses the hydrolics on the back of the truck. This could cost me very, very dearly; I don't yet know what the rental company will charge me as the truck was already fairly banged up and it might go unnoticed or it might cost me hundreds. So I was OK and didn't get upset but A reacted very badly and had an instant personality change that lasted for the entire night and most of the next day, which was horrible. Of course it was my fault he had damaged the truck and he sat up all night drinking and kept me awake and was super nasty although I had told him it was OK and I was just grateful he had helped and I could see it had just been an unfortunate accident and not his fault. I thought he had done well to drive a big truck which he had only done once before and move everything on his own so I wasn't at all angry, I just shrugged and said "oh well, s.. happens". He finally passed out and then got up twice during the night and peed in my room and also in a box of electronic things in the bathroom which was not really on my list of things I was hoping he would do. Then he was vile and nasty the next day, when he finally woke up and by then the truck was late being returned, I had to spend about 6 hours on the road with him being extremely nasty telling me over and over that it was my fault he damaged the truck, and because we were late and I was charged for an extra day so it cost me $500 to hire the truck and I could have had 2 men and a truck for that price and not needed help, and who knows what the cost will be if my security deposit is kept, as they hold it for 7 days, it could end up costing me over $1000. I am not annoyed with A, he really worked hard to help and then did what he does, got drunk and turned mean which I had anticipated. Then when his hangover wore off he was sweet and apologetic and  helpful again and asked if I wanted him to stay another night to help but I told him I thought he should go home and relax and thanked him very much for his help, and he left in a good mood. So I don't have any hard feelings towards him I am grateful that he helped me when I was really stuck and he didn't say anything about my brothers and stepdad all just sitting around while he moved everything by himself, even the huge heavy stuff. I wish i hadn't had to have help from anyone and in the end  also had to borrow money from my mother to pay for the extra day and extra fuel for the second trip, ugh I so wanted to just do it without having to ask for help but I am kind of disgusted at the fact that my brothers are happy to ask me for all kinds of hings but couldn't spend an hour helping move some of my things into a truck. As for stepdad, he's just been awful and was throwing my things around in the end and I was mortified to find that the furniture he had taken back to his house was all broken and dissasembled with parts missing. When we loaded up for the second time he came out and "helped" by throwing my stuff into the truck and breaking things as if he was loading it into a garbage truck, so yes I DO feel angry and sad about this. He's been really weird and horrid to me. I have just spent my last dollars transporting a bunch of what is now broken useless junk and I feel very sad looking at my belongings which are all ready to go to the tip at this point. Well today I was looking for the screws to assemble my bed (they are nowhere to be found) and one of the bed posts fell and smashed through my glass bedside table destroying it, I think that was my last undamaged item and I am sorry I know I should just be happy and grateful to be in a new place but I am mourning my belongings to some extent, I don't care much about having expensive stuff but all of these are things I have found in op shops etc and restored myself and now they are all just trash. So on one hand I am thinking hey, that's OK, I can go now and find new old things to restore and have fun with but of course I wont have money to do that for a while because i just went into debt just to move all of this broken trash here!!!! Gah!!!  So it's just stuff and money, I know but it's annoying all the same and I am honestly wishing I had just put it into storage, that would have cost me $240 for the last 3 months and my things would still be in tact and I would have money to replace some things too. Ugh!!!! Plus the storage facility is only around the corner from this house and I could have brought my things here over a week or so instead of in a huge rush because my parents wanted everything out RIGHT NOW.

Now the house is just a pile of boxes and bags, and there are no cupboards or benches here other than under the sinks and about 2 feet of bench in the kitchen, the rooms are big but no storage at all so daughter and I are at a loss, we can't put anything away and the mess is making us both pretty agitated. Strangely I remembered the kitchen as having lots of cupboards and benches and being big and it is not at all so I'm not sure what house I was remembering, I looked at so many. But this kitchen is small and pokey, oh well. Like to get to the bathroom we have to move a heap of boxes then to get into the bedrooms we have to move the boxes back to the bathroom doorway, it s a little like living in a garbage dump to be honest just broken furniture and junk piled to the ceiling, ugh. When i have some funds and can go out to the recycle shops and start buying cupboards and bookshelves etc the we can get this pace into some kind of order and then it will be great. But just for right now it's a bit dreadful and we're both feeling pretty unhappy living in such a mess.  In the meantime I will have to go and buy bricks and planks and make some shelving to create a little bit of order. Where does one find cheap or free bricks and lumber I wonder.

Also the house is a lot more run down than I realised, and it wasn't cleaned before we moved in! I mean it was filthy, even the toilet and shower were absolutely filthy and gross and the bathroom ceiling covered in mould (tagging mjferg here lol), the last tenant was a student and he obviously didn't clean at all when he lived here and has just left it as it was and the agent hasn't had a cleaner in as I expected they would. On the condition report the agent has written that everything is dirty as in, take it as it is....this isn't how it is meant to be done and I feel resentful cleaning some strangers toilet mess, shower scum etc and the rest of it. A lot of the electrics don't work, there is no outdoor light fittings at all so outside we need torches, the kitchen tap isn't just dripping its running hot water and will cost a fortune in gas if I don't fix it, and the hot water heater is in the kitchen and smells like a sewer when it heats. So it's cheap for a reason and I need to just find ways to make the best of it.  Also the next door neighbour is a very friendly fellow however people come and go all day and night, cars pull up constantly and someone waits in the car while another person goes inside for 5 minutes and comes out and off they go...not very hard to see what is going on there. Not my business....but I do think I need to be very careful with security and need to get a padlock for the garage and not leave windows unlocked etc as these visitors don't for the most part look very trustworthy.

Anyway you might remember I spent days cleaning the previous house to perfection, and was made to go back 3 times just to remove a few cobwebs and spiders, and then even though the lawn was mowed I paid for it to be mowed again so it really bugs me that this place is filthy and the lawn is overgrown and a mess when that stuff should have been done before we moved in, it's extremely poor that they have rented it to me in this state and I feel resentful about it. Now do I want to make a song and dance about it and get off to a bad start when experience has taught me that it rarely achieves anything? I need to think on this. They are certainly not following any legal standards; the place is meant to be clean and in good order at handover. I took photographs and could probably force them to clean the place and fix some things if I wanted to but that is never without repercussions and i do nt feel like havg repercussions right now.

OK so that's the stuff that is bugging me. 

Now for the positives. The rooms are nice and big and the ceilings are high. The windows are nice and let in a lot of light, the light fittings are nice. The place is pretty trashed and I think the whole area is being re-zoned and they plan to demolish these old houses in the next few years so I am anticipating that if i ask if I may repaint the kitchen and fix up some things it wont be a problem and I can personalise the place and make it a bit nicer while we are here. Of course I will ask first but I'll be surprised if it's a no because its very shabby at the moment.The lounge has been freshly painted however the rest of the rooms are cracked and peeling and very marked, i really had my rose coloured glasses on when i first saw this place, it's a shambles!!! But it is home for now and it has potential. What else is good? It has a big bath and it seems to be in working order. The back yard is very private as on one side the neighbor has huge sheds along the fence line and on the other he has some kind of huge shade-cloth and green-house arrangement that obscures all viewing from either side, I wonder what he could be growing in there? Perhaps he grows particularly nice tomatoes and that is why people come and go from his front door all day and night; perhaps they just love his tomatoes....lol. Anyway at the moment it s just a big square of dead grass that gets lots of sun and I think we can make it into a nice little yard that we can enjoy, I have a very green thumb and am great at growing things from cuttings and getting them to flourish. There is room for trampoline, a bbq (I will need a new one as apparently mine was thrown away along with my outdoor table and chairs, my washing machine, my couch and quite a few other things). But anyway it has potential and I am nothing if not resourceful. I can turn that square of dead grass into a little oasis, just watch me.

The garage has had the floor removed and is just recently dug up earth and the wiring has all been ripped out and it has a familiar smell....this house is actually half of the "tomato"-growing house and we share a wall so I suspect the garage was formerly used for tomato growing as well. It's a real house of horticulture lol. We will need to find old pallets to put our stuff on otherwise next time it rains the floor will be a muddy swamp and the boxes will turn to sludge and more stuff will be ruined.

You know I'm glad I decided to write this out because I can see that the negatives can mostly be overcome and once we get settled it is going to be fun finding furniture to fix up, fixing up the yard etc. I enjoy that kind of stuff. The place is cheap and I have some work now so I will be able to afford to start fresh and have fun re-making a home for us. It doesnt atter tha the house itself is on its last legs because I can fix up some nice furniture for us to take with us when we move on again in a couple of years,  I can build a good solid renting reputation again and I think we will be left alone more or less by the agent and landlord which will be a nice change.

So my family have been kind of jerks. That just makes me feel great that I have a place now and only had to live with them for less than 2 weeks and can now resume a distant and amicable relationship with them. So former housemate lady has also been a jerk. That actually makes me feel a bit relieved because while I was staying there I was often confused and feeling sad that she liked me and then didn't and then did and then didn't. Now that she is being so unpleasant and demanding money from me well above and beyond reason I feel a bit released; no more confusion about whether we should remain friends, that chapter of my life is now closed. So A got drunk and was horrible. That again just makes me feel very relieved that we have our own place now and he has his, I'm very happy and at peace with the fact that we no longer live together and can appreciate some of the good things about him from a bit of a distance. 

Oh, he kitty-napped Michael Douglas for me yesterday too. So MD is very happy to be back with us and has shown his appreciation by peeing on daughters bed just a few moments ago (she said a bad word and slammed her door and went to bed after dumping her stinky bedding outside her door) and just now I have found him eating from the electric frypan i have been using until we can get the kitchen in order and find our cookware. So it's great to have him home lol.

And finally, I went to daughter's school office today to discuss the possibility of paying her school fees in weekly installments and the lady was very agreeable and kind. Daughter seems to already be making friends and enjoying her school. 

So basically there are many positives. There are also obstacles to overcome and opportunties to let go of old stuff that I just don't need or want anymore and seek out new friendships, things, habits etc. I need to remember that change is difficult and frustrating and often painful but there are so many positives if I take the time to look for them.

Now I took some photos but I cannot post them as the home internet has not yet been connected. 

So I am going to try attaching them. The first I took this morning when daughter asked me to get the bus with her but then refused to sit with me or acknowlege me when some other girls got on the bus. I decided to just appreciate the view rather than seethe and also vowed to not catch the bus with her again. 

The others are just our new house of boxes lol.

-- Edited by missmeliss on Friday 30th of January 2015 11:07:14 AM