The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Living with alcoholism, I learned that plans could change at any moment and that rules varied accordingly". The reading goes on to state how difficult it is to count on anything, resulting in grabbing at opportunities out of desperation.
For me, living with the inconsistencies resulted in not grabbing opportunities or, if opportunities were taken, there were prices to pay. As I worked my recovery, I began to take more and more opportunities, that felt right. Even when there were consequences, I was steadfast in my choices (wobbling from time to time). For example, if a trip was planned, despite my husband opting out, I went anyway. Each time I took those kinds of actions, the next one was easier.
I still have the old cringes creep in and I project to the "what if's", but I throttle down to the present moment and listen to my HP's guidance. Like Ralph Waldo Emerson says in the reading "there is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening we shall hear the right word". Thanks for listening.
-- Edited by PP on Friday 30th of January 2015 08:12:16 AM
Thank you, Paula, for posting today's C2C reading and for your share. Giving an example of how you chose to do what you wanted to do that felt right to you even when your husband changed his mind was a powerful statement. For some reason, it helped me feel strong, too.
In my FOO, even though my parents weren't As, I experienced wanting to do things that I loved to do or planned to do, and then the rug would be pulled out from under me for reasons that never made sense to me. They didn't make sense because I'm fairly certain the real reasons weren't known and therefore not shared with me. In order to survive, I stopped saying what I wanted or needed because I didn't want to be surprised or tripped up again by primarily my Mom's changing the game on me. It was too unsettling for me. In some ways, this was a good thing because it helped me become independent and to listen more closely for that word that Emerson refers to in today's quote. In other ways, it cut me off from letting people get too close to me. I simply didn't trust them. I wasn't willing to let others "steal" my dreams or usurp them. I kept my dreams close to my heart and I kept the deeper parts of myself to myself as well. This served me well in accomplishing what I wanted to accomplish later in life. It also worked against me in shutting people away from me who wouldn't have stolen my dreams or usurp them.
Today, I am willing to live one day at a time, listening for the next right word and acting on it and trusting that my HP will let me know who to let in closer to me and who not to let closer to me. There are always opportunities to form healthy relationships with others who are right for me and me for them. I don't have to shut others out completely. I can slowly open the gates with some people to let them come closer to me. I can keep the gates open partially to others. I can close them completely with still others. I trust my HP and I trust myself to know the level of engagement I can enjoy with others one day at a time.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 30th of January 2015 09:04:27 AM
Thanks for sharing this PP. It's just what I needed to read this morning before starting my day. I'm learning little by little to live in the moment, and that when I'm feeling confused, to stay still and listen to the guidance of my HP.
It works if you work it!
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Grateful, I, too, learned to keep to myself and shut others out. Cloudyskies, little by little is perfect....staying in the present moment is difficult.
Ohh. I needed to see this. Inconsistencies. That was my life. Botched plans. FOO. And daughter. Now I just do my thing if it feels right. I used to just sit and stew. Not any more. I became independent almost too much bc of this. Now I want to be interdependent but always ready to fly solo if needed. Thank ((((p))))). For sharing this
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Dear Paula thank you for sharing your thoughts on today reading in the C2C..I can so identify. Alcoholism is a very subtle enemy that oh so slowly eroded my confidence and self esteem so that I too feared making change or taking a risk.
I think it is the booklet:" How alanon works" that refers to the "Irrational fear" that living with the disease causes within family members. . I know I felt that deeply as well. I can certainly identify with your experience of being hesitate because of the inconsistencies you lived with.
Entering program and slowly picking up the tools , I, like yourself ,began to take those chances , that felt right regardless of the projected fears. .I love how you used the term"wobbly at first". I can related to that feeling as well
Living one day at a time and reminding myself I had choices and could change my mind enabled me to return to work full time even though the voices of gloom and doom shouted not to.
A few short years later I was glad I did ,when my hubby passed away at the age of 49 without a pension and minimum life insurance. If I had to look for a job while grieving it would have made life so much harder
.
Thanks for bringing it all back to living in the day and in the moment and not projecting to the future.
I love the quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, it feel like a perfect meditation .
There is goodness for each of us, and by lowly listening we shall hear the right word. Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which flows into your life. Then, without effort, you are impelled to truth and to perfect contentment.
A few minutes ago I was walking back to my house and I asked HP to show me what the right next step might be. The next word that came into my head was 'compassion' and that felt good. And then my ego said 'what's in it for me?' Can you believe those little gremlins - all that hunger they have!
So reading this, and seeing Emerson's quote I am struck by the word 'lowly' and the reminder to stay humble.
Thank you Neshema and Betty. N, I love the term interdependent and it so fits with my life, too. Betty, those irrational fears so immobilized me, at times...then other times I took risks that were not prudent for me to take.
I could just roll around in all of these responses, they fed me this morning
I just read this earlier and it hit me hard because I am doing as best as I can to stay committed to the changes I want to see happen in my life. And, when I feel those little irrational fears creep in I have to work extra hard to get them to back off and I push them to the background of my thoughts....and then I work hard to replace them with the opposite thought. As Jerry says, turn the what ifs into what if nots?
I know that, for me, I have to be still to hear what I need to hear and it needs to be a conscious decision on my part to bring that into a daily practice. In that stillness, I work to quiet my mind and comfort my soul by connecting with my HP. My sponsor always says, "Bring God into this....whatever it may be."
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
