Obsessive thinking - Al-Anon Family Group

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Obsessive thinking

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Pink: Since I don't know what it is that you tend to ruminate most on, I don't know how helpful I can be with my share. I have learned that I tend to obsess when I'm trying to escape my feelings or something I need to do and don't want to do it or I'm afraid to do it. Even using the slogans and steps can be a way for me to avoid feeling my feelings if I utilize them to stay in my head. Journaling has been a means of getting in touch with how I am really thinking and feeling about something and from there I seem to know what the next right step for me needs to be. When I live in my head, I get more and more disconnected from my feeling/spiritual/healthy center. I no longer feel grounded or rooted or strong. Giving myself permission to say what I'm truly thinking and feeling in prayer, on paper, or with a friend who is a feeling person, too, helps me return to being grounded and firm in myself. Our readers have helped me with that, too. I don't know why that works for me. It just does.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Mark, this is an interesting topic and one I am familiar with. I can remember early on in program, hearing members speak about serenity and peace and thinking to myself---WOW serenity and peace sound very boring- I do not want to be there. I want the challenge, the anxiety, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

I did however want to be rid of my anger, resentment, self-pity and fear as well as my automatic negative thoughts that haunted me. There is a reading in the ODAT that assured me that these negative thoughts will always fly overhead and that I must make sure that I don't allow them to build nests once again in my hair.

I believe, I had many nests built in my hair that I obsessed on. Working the steps, letting go of expectations blaming and criticizing others, and acceptance of life on life's terms enabled HP to lift these nests out of my hair and replace them deep within me with serenity.

The first time I felt the serenity deep within, I was astonished and wanted to shut it off because it felt so good. Today I guard that serenity with my program tools will not surrender it under any circumstance.

It is all a process Mark, you have come a long way and the best is yet to come

cloudyskies · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Mark. The only thing I can say about my obsession (and I do believe I was the queen of obsession) is sweet surrender and trust in my HP. Knowing I have absolutely no control over my ah, I have surrendered him to my HP with whom I trust completely. This has brought me much peace.

Hope this helps.

It works if you work it.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate! For me, it typically happens when I haven't let go of the fact that I can't control or force something. What helps me move past is putting the focus back on myself- something that usually requires input from someone else.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I obsess and I ruminate. If I do not do my yoga at least 3 times a week and sit quietly for 20 minutes each day, I obsess and I ruminate. I have an active creative mind that I have a hard time turning off with my conscious mind, so I have to have practices in place that get me out of head. Affirmations don't work for me, hypnosis does not work, therapy does not work For me....I have tried many many things over the years. I have accepted this is how I am and I know what I need to slow me down. I feel your pain.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Pink: I just had another thought, too. I didn't obsess at work. A big reason for that was because I was always creating something or planning something with and for our program participants or working on various projects like decorating the ministry or dreaming up ways to surprise people. The work I did utilized all of me. I couldn't have kept up with the work I did for 27 years if all I did was people work and administrative work. I had to have creative works to do, too. Maybe a hobby just for you could help with obsessing? Like Paula says, you'll probably always struggle with it to some degree, but there are ways to minimize it.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 26th of January 2015 07:46:42 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 26th of January 2015 09:15:42 PM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

pinkchip wrote:
In the past I have been diagnoses with generalized anxiety disorder and I hear this is also extremely common amongst alcoholics. From some of what I hear here in Alanon it is also not unusual here either. I not longer totally self-sabotage due to having this nature.
** Mark, I have this too, and i so relate to your discomfort...the racing thoughts, inability to stay still, the obsessing over stuff, especially slights..insults...unwanted happenings....oh yea, I got diagnosed with this AND PTSD....so i have a double thing, but it IS doable, manageable.....i don't think it can be cured b/c the synapses in our brains don't "fire" correctly, but we CAN through behaviour modification manage it...
exercise....NO white products (white sugar, white flour, etc., b/c of the sugar spikes these cause, thus enhancing anxiety)
meditation, and thought interrupting...I am going to go back to the rubber band on my wrist therapy, where when i obsess about something or a bad thought or fear thought enters my mind----SNAP goes that rubber band on my wrist...OR clapping my hands and yelling STOP.....deep breathing, reaching out to trusted others....writing....drinking lots of water to keep toxins out......when anxiety strikes the hormones, (adrenaline, noradrenaline, cortisol, and others) flood the hippo campus which is like a "hallway" to the frontal lobe (executive function--higher thought processes) gets flooded and therefore short term memory is interfered with and also messages get either not encoded or interrupted so short term memory can even be hampered...
it sounds like a nightmare, but if we can catch all this stuff at the first level, we CAN cut it off....I also take st. johns wort and also L-theanine or valarian root to boost my gaba which is the "peacemaker" in the brain an I am FAR less obsessing and racing, spacey, etc......
so diet, exercise, therapy (program for me) , hydration, meditation, prayer, reaching out for support, DO HELP

Physical exercise has helped too. Self-affirmations are good....I have worked on this over and over and over in therapy and in the program. It's still hard for me to get a thought or subject out of my head when my mind locks in on it. It gets so annoying that I almost want to scream at myself "Let go! Forget about that!!!" A thought can flow out of your head as easy as it came in.

***** getting annoyed only exacerbates the situation.....let it pass....accept that you are obsessing/locked on to a thought, then take that thought to "court" like ask it why it thinks it should be using up space in your head....just how bad is this?? (how important is this??) and the only way u r gonna let go of it is to accept it, even embrace it and gently see yourself letting it pass through and go away.....fighting it only strengthens it..like my panic attacks....I don't fight them....its just a chemical reaction, just a feeling...I don't fight them, and they pass through easier....and faster

I still find myself obsessing on things a lot. If someone says something I don't like...I know all of the sayings about resentments, but it can knock around in my head loudly far longer than I think it should.
**** I do the same b/c it is a trigger of some sorts.....like if they say something i don't like, what is it i don't like?? are they saying the truth??? or bringing up old memory???? a quicky step 10, checking in with me as to WHY i am holding onto someone's statement.... what was it they said that turned my brain into velcro???? it had to be something reminiscent of my past or something i am working on for me now?? step 10
I would like to work towards a more quiet and peaceful mind, but not lose the drive I have gained in the process. I see that the way I think is helpful at times, but it's draining.
***** I think even the peaceful ones go through this at one time or another....i do getting centered within myself when i am "bad" sometimes i can't even type w/out butchering the words b/c my mind is racing so bad....I FORCE me to slow down....again SNAP goes that rubber band or the loud clapping of my hands telling me to SLOW DOWN.....anxiety manefests in so many ways, but obsession, compulsive behaviour, mind racing, irrational fears, panic, numbing out when things get to be too much...information overload or experience overload can cause me to shut down......oh yea, I feel for ya and know exactly what you are going through......we CAN manage it....there are just extra things we have to do...proper rest is another....getting rid of the "not needed" stressors....cutting back on folks who stress me out......your job has to be stressful, but you can de-stress with exercise, relaxation things that you like to do......
Obviously not gonna wake up tomorrow and be the Dali Lama, and I think the Dali Lama would quit my job probably. Somewhere in the middle would be ideal...
****I am sure the DL has to work on being connected w/his center...to tune out the stimuli of the world and just be alone w/him self connected to his higher self....we are spirits having a very human experience...I do believe that...so getting really connected to my higher self helps me alot....deeeeep breathing......focusing only on my breath...if only for a moment at a time, slows me down.......then being mindful of my body, feeling my toes, my soles, my ankles, and up to my calves, legs, tightening muscles and releasing, being mindful of my body, or focusing on something pleasant like looking at a flower and narrating to me all the beauty i see in that flower......

TAke care.....you are not alone

-- Edited by neshema2 on Monday 26th of January 2015 07:52:53 PM

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

There are a couple of things I do when I find myself worrying about something; mostly I think about my belief of myself as Gods child and how I've already asked Him about it, Thy will be done, sort of thing and how I have to let it go if I'm going to expect Him to handle it. The second thing that plays in my head is from the TV show Lost - Jack the surgeon is describing accidentally cutting open a patients nerve sack and being filled with terror, letting himself experience that terror to the count of five and then going on with business. I sometimes let myself think about something for a specific period of time then turn it over to HP - having to remind myself that I've turned it over. Sometimes Mark, I speak out loud - I am worrying too much about ______ and need to stop because I've turned it over.

I also believe that the subconscious mind needs to be left alone with a problem in order to help come up with a solution.

serenity47 · ~*Service Worker*~

The thing that helps me the most when I begin ruminating over stuff is mindfulness/meditation practice. Two very good websites that I use for guided meditations are if you google Dr Kirsten Neff and Dr Ron Siegel they both have free downloadable guided exercises to use. It at least gives me a break from the craziness for awhile.

aquamom23 · Senior Member

I drain me too. No great suggestions. Running was the only thing that freed me from my mind. The exercise high was fantastic! One of my former bosses entered us into a corporate triathlon. This meant everybody on the team got longer lunches for training purposes. Swimming in crystal clear lagoons and getting paid. it was truly awesome. I know I obsess less when I feel happy?

mjferg · Senior Member

I do it more when I am stressed or feel backed into a corner and feel like I need a solution to a problem,I don't like the feeling of not having choices so I try not to procrastinate when something needs attention.I say STOP to myself, and basically just wear myself out,but I am practicing,sometimes music helps,sometimes I get very scattered and I just have to lay down and pet my cat.Also my therapist suggested I picture putting it in a box and put it on a shelf for later.

mjferg · Senior Member

In fact I have been going through it for the past two days,I couldn't sleep last night.I was tossing and turning and I saw my cat looking at me.It was probably around 2 a.m., I just started petting her and talking to her.It wasn't long until I fell asleep,I guess fighting it is worse.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I obsess too and still catch myself spinning a little about a girl I was friends with in the nursing program showing me who she is once again. I have now listened to my red flags and moved away from being her friend, but at times still feel slighted and bothered. It was a week ago and I am slowly letting it go more and more and I think time has a way of helping us naturally move on from these habits. I too am trying not to beat myself up and I do at times think I should be over it by now, but obviously I need to work it through my mind completely and when I am ready I will hand it over and not take it back to ruminate on any longer. I am trying to not worry about what others might think of me, because I figure she is telling our mutual friends her side of things and I am not. I refuse to dramatize it or make it last longer than it needs to. I have a program as do you and I know we have some things that will take more time to work the kinks out of and some things in times of stress may just be a part of our quirks that make us, well us. Love yourself through it my friend and talk to yourself as you lovingly talk to us. Sending you love and support.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Lately I 've been "in my head" too much...intrusive thoughts bring panic, anxiety, spaciness and unwanted results

So i am going back to the rubber band i used to do back when i was working full time...when obsessive or intrusive, fear thoughts would enter my head, i would SNAP me back to the here and now....don't know why i stopped , perhaps b/c it was helping me and i got lax

but really, the snapping isn't to punish , it is to snap me out of my "head" and into the here and now....also deep slow breathing helps...., i think i mentioned the breathing, lol,

but anyway, i hope u got some good stuff u can use...anxiety comes from being in ones head too much as much as the chemical/electrical faults in the central nervous system and brain......i am going back to it to "re-train" me to stay in the here and now.....

LinSC · Senior Member

If you think about obsessive thinking, it usually is accompanied with emotion, and according to Alanon thinking, one should detach from this emotion if it is negative and destructive to us. Detaching is not easy, but this may help. The other thing is just like exercise is good for your bod, sitting quietly for 20 mins, morning and evening is good for your soul, you are getting out of your head and into your heart. Just do it, it may be frustrating at first and you will feel like you are doing nothing and you should be doing other things, but that is the whole idea, do nothing for a short while religiously, it will change your life I promise you.

Following is some valuable information that you might already have knowledge of, but its just a reminder. It was taken from the Web and does not have copy rights.

The ultimate goal of treating obsessive thoughts is to "get out of your head" and into your life.

Attention Shifting: This strategy simultaneously encourages the application of a balanced, reasonable alternative thought, and the practice of "letting go" of obsessive content. Rather than attempting to "stop" the obsessive process, it works by shifting your attention to a predetermined thought and/or action. For example, the statement "these are just thoughts, they are not helping but are only hurting me", or "I don't know what will happen in my future, but the probability of _________ [fill in the blank] occurring is slim", followed by three deep breaths and return to the task at hand.

I think we get bombarded with people, work, media, conversations, food and obsessive thinking, sometimes we need to empty ourselves. If life permits a silent day retreat works wonders.

Respectfully linsc

Screaming Barbie · Veteran Member

I find music to be helpful. The kind of songs you can't help but sing along to. Music is my mind altering substance!

Not exactly words of wisdom like others gave. Just a hint from this ADHD brain!

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Pinkchip, this is such a helpful thread.

I read that we can cut a groove in our minds with our thinking, kind of like a short cut, so when a certain trigger goes off our thinking slips through the short cut it knows so well, and for me it turns out that is a very circular route! When I read about that I thought, ok, so I can do the same thing with positive thoughts as well. I think that is why I like gratitude lists so much.

As someone who has, in the past, been renowned for calmness and tranquility (my Thai friends used to joke that I was like a monk!!) I completely get Hotrod's comment - I used to think that I was sooooo boring, and why didn't I have a hissy fit from time to time.

The grass is always greener isn't it?!

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

When I can't let something go I have devised a rule that as soon as I have the opportunity I must read something funny. I know you like funny books because I saw your Douglas Adams collection in a picture you posted here
Might sound silly but it works kinda like a reset button for me, after a good laugh I can see things a bit more calmly.

-- Edited by missmeliss on Tuesday 27th of January 2015 07:15:12 AM

deacon · Senior Member

Mark, my son sounds so much like you in emotional makeup. When he had his mental breakdown, the mental health unit insisted that he take a course called, I think, mindful thinking. It helped him enormously, gave him some strategies and coping skills. Like you, he appears drawn to high stress jobs and also like you, he really likes to help people but unfortunately takes on their burdens. This course gave him some step away ideas. There were 9 people in the course and they were all ages ( one was 66 and others were early twenties) and they were all having problems coping with anxiety. He has now moved far from us and is once again in a high stressed job but he appears to be coping much better.

1911A1 · Senior Member

I hear ya, man. Rumination is most certainly a character defect of mine. As with so many things, my propensity to study something and analyze it from every possible angle makes me an expert troubleshooter in the working world and in other areas, but as we Al-Anons tend to do, I find it difficult to tap the brakes when I reach the fine line that separates moderation from obsession, especially when I cross that line to either "serve as my own therapist" (you are not alone, my friend) or, especially, when I have used those abilities to fix others. (Show of hands?)

I have ruminated myself all the way into the black hole of depression and/or anxiety on many occasions. I agree that the gratitude list is good medicine for that bad habit; thanks for the reminder. I have indeed let that one lie in the toolbox for too long; time to pull it out and dust it off.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

I ruminate a lot. especially this past week. If I have a decision to make, I will look at the decision from 20 different angles. I met with my sponsor yesterday and she reminded me that nothing is forever. I am trying to decide if I should take the new job. I had an interview yesterday. I made a pros and cons list. The new job has more pros at this point. But I am having a hard time deciding because I like the familiarity of my current job. I am long suffering and I find change difficult. I saw a therapist on Dr Oz the other day who was talking about CBT. When you start ruminating on the bad stuff....think of 3 things that are going right. The positive things should help our brains go in a better direction. I struggle with ruminating a lot. I think of endless scenarios to issues. Maybe it's because I am afraid of making mistakes? but then again...who is perfect?? so if I take this new job and end up hating it, there's always a different job out there. Nurses usually aren't out of work.
One thing I also do which I don't think is healthy is I talk to quite a few people and hope they can help me make a decision. I am working on trusting my higher power more. I look for "nuggets"...which i call signs from HP. For example...I was secretary at work right before I got called for this new job which involves being on the phone a lot. I liked being secretary. maybe a sign? the interview yesterday was on my dad's birthday. He was very important to me. Another sign? This morning a flock of geese flew over my head. it was so peaceful hearing them honk...were they telling me "Take the job!! Just do it!!" lol...ok that might be a little far fetched. I guess I am always looking for someone to tell me what to do...I need to trust myself more. Martial arts helps me feel more empowered. Also I am trying to pray more. once in morning and once at night minimum.

thanks for a great topic.

-- Edited by Newlife girl on Tuesday 27th of January 2015 12:21:54 PM

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

My mind works a bit like that too. I can hold onto a thought, obsess, exagerate, lose the reality of it and not even see im dojng it then when it calms down i go oh hiw did that hapoen. My workplace is fast paced, potentially stressful, has people with huge egos all wrestling for centre stage. Its like a minefield but what has helped me is saying the serenity prayer in my head at certain points in my day. So before i go into the staffroom, i pause say the prayer and smile. It works for me and then because ive had a clam non eventful day im calm, no guilt, nothjng to fret over. Of course it doesnt work or i dont work it all the timeand i can get reactive and obsessive.
Thanks for sharing your tools, im gojng to give them more tbought and add them to mines.x

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

Now I can recognize when I am in the rut of re-running that thought that brings me pain. I get huge relief from applying steps 6 and 7 (in sequence) to my thinking. I ask to be relieved of my fussing about the issue. I pray take this away. i don't want to think like that anymore. It is not giving me anything good. Then I usually sleep. The peace when I wake is a gift like no other. Peace in my body and thoughts. I enjoy again. So grateful.

Thanks for the topic.

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

I too ruminate. I have been obsessive forever. But today I kept busy & didn't have time to do so. I am changing & growing. So what do I do when I am ruminating? I pray or say the Serenity prayer. Not often but when I am desperate. Sometimes I just get up & do something else. Actually I heard the word ruminate years ago & didn't know what it meant.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

One of my psychologist once told me "You're responsible for what you think" and I did a knee jerk because I thought my brain ran itself...lol Not true after a few minutes of "rumination"??. Today when my brain is going on and on and on about stuff and I catch it doing so...I change its subject to something else. I can always come back to the treadmill of course and then that too is a choice isn't it? ((((hugs)))) smile

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

Love this thread! I ruminate. When I do I have to get out of my head. For me that means coming on here and reading, going to a meeting, listening to music, reaching out to someone else.

Usually for me it's unrecognized trying to control, which I know someone else mentioned. I can create quite the story in my head, and while that can be great for my long runs I have to be careful the kinds of stories I create.

When I catch myself spinning it's when I have to stop. Once I've recognized it, I need to leave it alone.

Thank you for all the shares!

LinSC · Senior Member

Its been a few days, would love to hear what methods you have used to help clearing your mind from "obsessive thinking"

linsc

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Obsessive thinking.......doing it some here too. I find it will go away after a while if I tell myself it won't last forever so time to let go NOW CATHY.

Example: I'm being left out.......I"M PISSED.....and can't get over it. OK Cathy why are you pissed? You don't really want to be in the middle of it anyways..do you do you?? More problems don't you think and then having to answer to someone because your in the thick of it. Let it go and tomorrow it will not bother you anymore and your happy and everyone else involved still has the problem to solve.

Another example: I want to tell that person he/she is wrong and I obsess over it to the point I'm going crazy. OK he/she IS wrong IS right......who cares but ME.....little ole me. I ask myself to please let it go tonight and don't bring it up until tomorrow. Usually by the next day it's done and over with and it doesn't make a difference anymore.

Basically I do a lot of talking to myself.... ((( hugs ))))

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I have been reminding myself that my life is rich and meaningful and I am making progress in all areas. This way resentments don't stick so much. I chose not to fight a battle or obsess over an insubordinate employee disrespecting me over stupid crap...mostly let that go reminding self that I may have had that karma coming because I've been insubordinate before and also the employee was once at the same level as me and I have become her boss...sour grapes. Not worth obsessing over or sacrificing the overall functioning of my program over bickering silliness. So I choose to side step it. At night I lay my head on chucks shoulder and just try to enjoy time together. I play with my pets. I have been speed walking the dogs for my health and theirs. That helps. Two meetings a week at least remind me my problems are gold plated luxury problems. That is the best I have right now.

Newlife girl · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like a plan. Enjoying the simple things in life. I love to walk my dog at a great park near my house. It's like being in another world. I can hear toads croaking, owls hooting and a stream flowing. Really nice way to calm my brain.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Great response Mark I agree, letting go of reacting and allowing yourself the pleasure of enjoyig time with your loving partner and cute pets ,is so much more rewarding than obsessing.
" How important is it" is a powerful slogan

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds like putting principles over personalities, accepting your powerlessness over another person's thoughts, feelings, behaviors, being grateful, self-accepting, choosing serenity and taking very good care of yourself on all levels to me, PC. Good program work here.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 28th of January 2015 11:19:21 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad you could come to a place of more peace and you seemed to have done it quickly.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I just read in psychology today that rumination aka over thinking can lead to depression. That ruminating in itself makes problems seem larger and obsessively thinking about it is bad for your health. It explained basically to make a gratitude list and start physically moving, doing chores, exercise and that getting out of your head and moving can help in letting go. I thought it was a timely ready after seeing most of us do this here at MIP, myself included. Sending you all love and support!

-- Edited by Breakingfree on Thursday 29th of January 2015 07:53:54 AM

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