The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ive found lots of encouragement and hope in the posts on this board but am now serious about taking things to the next level. I cant seem to follow the step board and think I would probably work my program best with some help. I go to meetings once a week because thats all my schedule will allow. Its always a really small group every week and Im.pretty comfortable with the folks there...or as comfortable as one can be with a bunch of strangers with whom you share a common bond! LOL. I was just wondering how to go about finding and asking someone to be my sponsor. I read that I should get to a variety meetings to get a feel for each group and their members but thats not realistic for me because of my schedule. Ive been going to meetings for about two months (once a week) faithfully and have taken a liking to one of the elder members who is always warm and encouraging to me. With all of the phone numbers Ive recieved, hers was the only one I could bring myself to finally call when I was having a really difficult day recently. Reaching out to burden someone with my problems is extremely hard.for me and most times I will just try to deal with my emotions on my own but when I.called her she really made me feel.like it was no problem at all. This may sound silly but my question is whether or not asking someone who is a part of my meeting group to be my sponsor would be a conflict of interest down the road or make things weird during meetings because she would know so much about me? Any comments on how you guys found your sponsor would be appreciated.
One of my sponsors was a member of my home group. She, too, was warm and encouraging. She also worked her program and I wanted some of what she had. We've been in relationship to one another now for thirteen years and although she is no longer my sponsor, we are very good friends. I would have missed out on an opportunity for a warm and supportive and mutually inclusive relationship if I had chosen to keep trying to go it alone. I encourage you to ask her to sponsor you. She sounds like someone you might feel safe with and grow with, too?
A sponsor is an important piece of the alanon program and is very crucial in understanding the program and working the Steps. There is helpful little pamphlet entitled "Sponsorship What it all About" that explains the relationship in detail
It is extremely important that you can connect with your sponsor and trust the connection. Sponsor/ sponsee relationship is not the same as a friendship, as your sponsor will be your guide and road map into yourself and program. You will both grow as a result of the interaction
Remember if it dose not workout you can always change sponsors as you are not married to each other.
Good Luck
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 24th of January 2015 10:08:32 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 24th of January 2015 10:10:28 AM
Finding a sponsor is on my mind,also.I just had a meltdown remembering some things from childhood,I utilized my online friends.I think it is time delve more into my past.
I chose the wrong sponsor for very al anon like reasons.. the person who seemed to want to be my sponsor the most and I thought it would make her feel appreciated since she had been so nice to me.
It would have been better to look for someone who seemed to be more like what I wanted to be.
Example: I chose someone who had figured out how to stay with her alcoholic mentally ill husband, defer to his wished and accept was is and I really needed OUT and I knew it but was putting all this energy into staying in. I chose someone who was a minimalist very thrifty kind of a "hippy" type by nature (again because she was sweet and kind, and she still is ). I needed strong, business minded, motivated and determined-yet balanced. Someone who put themselves first but that didn't put anyone else last if you can understand what I mean by that?
If I choose again I'll look for someone who seems the most like what I want to be.
Hotrod, its funny you mention the marriage analogy if it doesnt work out....I think theres fear in the back of my mind too...as if my current issues in my 'real life' marriage are'nt enough! LOL.
I also agree with glad in that I would love to find someone who is somewhat successfull at living the life.that Im.trying to live. I personally would love to find.someone who.found a way to work.their.program while staying committed to their marriage becuase I still love my husband and feel very strongly that he is actually a great guy who just happens to have a really 'nasty habit'.
What I am finding in my group interactions is that, so far, no one member of my group has all the traits or experiences that Im looking for in a sponsor (kind of like that elusive 'perfect man' : )... but this particular woman comes the closest in most areas. I guess my reluctance also is in that even though she actually seems to have experience in most areas that I need help with, there's one area that she doesnt, which is staying married to her AH which is important to me right now.
I could be overthinking things as usual with regards to her story because I havent actually had the nerve to ask her details about such personal stuff...meaning maybe she did try to stay in her marriage and for her it just didnt work....and I guess I cant assume that I, myself, wouldnt be sucessfull at it just because she wasnt.
Again, I'm probably overthinking again and trying to control an outcome of my recovery before even giving her a.chance. I tend to do that a lot...I'll overthink/obsess about a situation that has yet to even happen (so exhausting)
Ultimately, she seems to have gone through a lot of similar.things that I have and has come through them successfully by working the program. I just want some of that too...Im an extremely task driven type of individual...Im good at fix, manage and controlling everything and everyone around me and I really need to get started on focusing that energy on me now.....because now I feel like Im talking the talk but not walking the walk.
