The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What a day. I had so much fun! And also I was aware of the fact that I was having fun and the huge contrast to myself even 12 months ago and I was oh so grateful for it. So I suppose i was kinda introspective while I was outwardly enjoying my day for all it was worth.
Daughter's friends and their mother did not show up nor answer her phone which was a bit weird. We showed up early to meet them after all. Daughter was a bit sad about it to start with and went to the MC to have her friend paged in case he was there (the event was hosted by her favourite radio station) and in the process she met her favourite DJ and talked to him on the radio and from then on she was a very happy little monkey and we had a ball
I enjoyed the atmosphere so much, just being amongst happy people, music thumping, people dancing in the line and smiling, laughing, cheering...and this is just what people do, no big deal to most people, this is just what you do on a holiday long weekend in the middle of summer. I had forgotten and this REALLY struck me today. All these long years of not participating in life at all. Is it any wonder I have been so empty, bleak, miserable?
I think i am ready now. At first I started enjoying just being out of the house, those long walks on the beach alone, solo drives, and that was amazing after all of the years I have spent hiding inside the house trying to find happiness by managing the A into being what I thought I needed.
Now I think I'm ready to get out amongst people. I can't wait to start my uni classes and not spend every day worrying about what is going on at home with A, r what i will come home to and then not going to class because of it but just staying inside, always....
A year ag I would have begged A to join us today. Then I would have bribed him. Then I would have spent the entire day obsessing over trying to charm him into a good mood because he was hungover and nasty OR dying inside because he was drunk and horrificly embarrassing. Or he wouldnt have come with us and I would spend the day checking my phone and wanting to leave early. I missed SO MUCH!!!! And I'm even grateful for that because life is exciting now, relearning how to live can at times be REALLY fun.
Anyway I'm in a good mood, can you tell? Here is happy daughter and happy me today. Unfortunately I was careless and now my white legs, arms and face are the same colour as the tube I rode all day.....lol oops. 2 seconds after that picture of me was taken a security guard in a spiderman mask squirted me in the face with a water pistol lol. Fun times, it's nice to enjoy being around people again and laugh and have fun and not feel like everyone can see this big ugly secret I carry around with me...because i don't anymore.
Yay
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Oh that is such a beautiful song, i think its one of the most covered songs. Anyway, it looked like you had a great time mel.this is what freedom feels like, its so good knowing you can enjoy the mome ts and days without the sickness in our minds stealing the happiness away. I feel like were reborn almost, it sounds dramatic but its like a second chance at living.yeeha.x
Oh,that looks like so much fun!We had a bad snowstorm here last night.I have never seen such huge snowflakes,well it was pretty,but I am a summer girl.I can't wait until spring.
