The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I came into the Al-Anon program about 8 months ago. God led me to Al-Anon, and I am so thankful. I began working my program immediately. Through the Twelve Steps and Traditions, the slogans, the daily readings, the meetings, the shares and the service work, I have felt myself healing. I quickly worked the first three steps. I feel I worked the third step before I came to Al-Anon, so Yayyy, I was ahead. I understood and felt I had accepted that I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. I was a mess, actually, I was beyond a mess. As I worked my program I noticed that as I was changing, I was seeing subtle changes in my ah. He wasnt drinking as much. But yeah, he was still drinking. Now I have to ask myself was I working my program for me or him?
Anyway, I felt I was doing what I needed to be doing. I was getting better. I was healing. But what I didnt realize was that I was healing on the outside. I was moving forward, and I was healing, but it was superficial healing. What I didnt realize was that I was using my Al-Anon tools as band-aids, and they were great band-aids, but as I said they were only aiding me in superficial healing not the deep healing that my soul needed.
Recently, I have been experiencing confusion. I have been tired and just feeling very unsure. I waited for guidance from God. I needed direction, and during one of my ahs drunken episodes, I broke down. With no one but God, I gave myself permission to fall apart and to cry. This cry came from deep within my soul. I was grieving for my marriage. I was grieving for my husband. I felt it and he were dead to me. This was my moment of total surrender. I cried from my gut, and then I slept. I feel I am now in a different level of my program, so Im going back and working steps 1-3 again. I think now I can start healing from the inside out. I needed that total surrender and that total acceptance. Its easy to say you are powerless over alcohol, but to totally believe this and feel this surrender from the inside of you is humbling.
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me.
I love you all!
It works if you work it!
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I gave myself permission to fall apart and to cry. This cry came from deep within my soul. I was grieving for my marriage. I was grieving for my husband. I felt it and he were dead to me. This was my moment of total surrender. I cried from my gut, and then I slept. I feel I am now in a different level of my program, so Im going back and working steps 1-3 again. I think now I can start healing from the inside out. I needed that total surrender and that total acceptance. Its easy to say you are powerless over alcohol, but to totally believe this and feel this surrender from the inside of you is humbling.
((((((((((((((((((Linda)))))))))))))))))) Oh yea, i can relate to this.....the kinda "sloging" along then the BIG cry comes...the one that flat lines u almost....been there a few times as i had much grief, but it is a cleansing, alright......I, too, went back to the first 3 steps....i was different...the steps were deeper...more meaningful.....and YES....U CAN!!! and U WILL!!!!!
WOW....beautiful share.......love and hugs to you from your sister in recovery xo
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
CS: What a profoundly honest and touching share. I am so glad that you were able to let go of so much you were carrying. Thank you for trusting us enough to share your experience in a way that is articulate and real. I love you, too, in that special Al-Anon way that we listen to in meetings week after week and slowly absorb and discover for ourselves that those words are profoundly true. (((CS)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 22nd of January 2015 05:28:54 PM
Cloudyskies, kinda gave me a lump in my throat reading your post. I found it humbling to discover that there are no band-aids for this alcoholic dilemma we have found ourselves in. But I am so glad that it has made a better person out of me and I think you know that it has done the same for you as well.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thank you for your share. I can very much relate to you in that I thought I had completed Steps 1-3, but then had a major fall out and had to start all over again. In the end, I'm grateful for this to have happened. I am stronger for it and more resolved to keep the focus on me and not on the As in my life.
Yes, a beautiful share. I want to offer something. I have read and heard your shares, those from you and to others. There has been healing from the inside out, from my perspective, otherwise your shares would have been superficial. You have been committed to your recovery and you were gifted with some beautiful moments of surrender. I say well done....
Cloudyskies, thank u for sharing...this really hits home. I thought I was so sure I had completed step 1...I mean really...I figure finally got myself to Alanon meetings, started reading the literature daily and trying to educate myself on the disease, but I finally realized that doing all of that doesnt automatically qualify u as making it past step 1...
Yes, a beautiful share. I want to offer something. I have read and heard your shares, those from you and to others. There has been healing from the inside out, from my perspective, otherwise your shares would have been superficial. You have been committed to your recovery and you were gifted with some beautiful moments of surrender. I say well done....
Ditto to what Paula said....U R 24 carat (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Green Eyes, it seems you and I are in the same frame of mind. I am finding that the first three steps have a much deeper meaning the second time around.
Neshema, thank you and back at cha.
love you all!
It works if you work it, and I choose to work it one day at a time.
__________________
Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
