The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hugs, Miranda. It is a grieving process and it sounds like you are just at a point where self care needs to take priority. It also sounds as if you are doing all the right things and that's great. Life moves forward one day at a time. When I hit walls like this, I like to start calling my sponsor more and I start doing some step work on the topic that is making me anxious whether it be trusting God, grieving a loss, having more patience, etc. Sending you lots of support today!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
you said..... am being gentle and kind with myself. Loads of support, i am
still very needy. I stay away from negative and bad people.
I realize i am not sane or rational when it comes to my ah,
that it is my disease.
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Good for ou....be Xtra gentle and kind w/you...that was a long marriage, and yea, its gonna take time to recover from it......i get the needy part...when i am in a bad patch, i am needy....its OK to be needy at times and reach out for love and support....it would not be normal to NOT be needy of love/support
yep..i cut back on the interaction w/negativity in any form.....i want hopeful energy, happy energy...it helps me slog along out of my being down........and no, he impacted you to greately for you to be totally normal and healthy around him, the disease is like an octopus with tentacles...those tentacles may not be the "nucleous or head" of him, but nevertheless those tentacles grab and do damage......until we can work through our pain and ease those tentacles off of us, they grab and squeeze and pull...trying to drag us to the monster's head, but al-anon is stronger....we are here for ya..........hugs
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
It is a difficult time for me,also.I am grieving and also working with my therapist, as I realize the pain that started my behaviors, it is like a major change in my thinking.all of these things have a mind,body and spirit connection.I try to balance things in my life right now.I do what is important and I leave the rest.Many times you will find me curled up on the couch with my cat because that is all I can do.
Sounds silly but I pictured a large push broom in my mind and just swept and swept and swept....it took a while and didn't make anything better but gave my brain a break when I felt like it would burn up from obsessive thoughts.
Sounds silly but I pictured a large push broom in my mind and just swept and swept and swept....it took a while and didn't make anything better but gave my brain a break when I felt like it would burn up from obsessive thoughts.
there is absolutely no reason to think this is silly...I LOVE visuals....they work....putting out powerful mind energy like that.....glad, I do this often...visuals...and it does give me breaks from obsessing.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thank you all for your support! I keep trying to get stronger,
I Am still grieving on so many levels of my being it will just
Take time. I wish thinking about ah couldn't hurt me so much
anymore. I Will be glad when i meet with my therapist to talk.
Last time I went in Sept she told me i was doing well and doing
all the Right things for me.
There is a reading from melody beattie about grieving and recovery
At the same time and cocooning yourself to get you better. It was
Very helpful. Its okay to be this way there are alot of changes going
On inside of you. Its okay to be needy at this time keep reaching out.
Its about transformation.
I will try to sweep out my brain. I keep trying every trick to get him out
Of me and my thoughts. Eventually when all is said and done i will go
No contact. That is the way for me to truly heal, but not yet possible.
I do think about monsters,evil and bad when i think of the effects of
alcoholism. I realize i will be healthy when i can only look at it as sick
Behaviors and they are sick people. I am no there yet.
I agree, Mirandac. It is perfectly acceptable to be needy and to keep reaching out for help and support. We aren't designed to go it alone in life or to go through powerful losses and changes all at one time. We need the healing help of others who care and can be there with us in kind and loving ways. I can remember back to when I was first divorced and all the grieving and growing I did then. Trying to do it myself was an incredibly impossible thing to do. Being led to people who understood what was going on in me because it was and had been going on in them, too, was a richly rewarding and transforming experience. My whole life changed back then because I was loved for who I was and where I was and I needed that. I needed to know I belonged to others who truly cared about me and believed that I could and would overcome so many hard knocks to my psyche. Alone, I was just one person who thought she had to do everything by herself and didn't know how. By sharing my true thoughts and feelings with others who got it and did it, too, I healed so much more quickly. I'm glad you're here, Mirandac. We are all in process together. You can be needy and we can be supportive of you. You aren't alone.
It looks to me that you are working a good program. You are working the steps and using the tools, thats brilliant. I also think its really good that you are taking your time and walking through the grief and not beating yourself up about it. Thats where i go wrong at times, trying to rush my progress and being hard on myself.
Thank you both, i wish i didnt care for ah. I had been
A very good wife and partner. We had 18 fairly good years
And 11 bad years. The more grieving i do the more i can
Reflect on the bad stuff that was happening right under
My nose. Denial or stuffing is not a great tool. I can
process these things now and understand them better.
I dont like where it leads me but it is the reality of his
Disease and his families dysfunction. The divorce care
And the minister both, stated Let him own his stuff,
he needs to face his consequences for his actions.
Do not take any of his stuff onto you.
It is so hard not to take things onto yourself when ah
And his mother keep blaming me for all the problems.
It is not them so it has to be me. Its not alcoholism he
Doesnt drink anymore. On and on goes the list .
When i met with the minister she said you can put your
Problems at Gods feet but you must leave them there.
She said it is dysfunctional if you come back for them.
I haven't left a thing yet thats a very Tall order.
