The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ODAT reading for today offers a great topic to consider and meditate on . The reading is urging us to keep the focus on ourselves , appreciate what we have in our lives and not compare ourselves to others. As I read this meditation I was reminded of the Al-Anon slogan which suggests that we:" identify and don't compare", because if we do not we will" compare and despair ". The reading suggests that we maintain our focus on our own lives so as to avoid the destructive emotion of self-pity and resentment.
The reading also suggests that by keeping the focus on ourselves, examining our motives taking the next right actions, we will not be dependent on the admiration or applause of others. that although it feels good to be appreciated and honored it will no longer be essential to our contentment and happiness.
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The quote is from Marcus Aurelius:"Labor not as one who is wretched nor yet as one who would be pitied or admired. Direct yourself to one thing only to put yourself in motion and to check yourself at all times"
I love starting the day with these readings as it gives me something to ponder throughout the day
As I was sitting in the headdressers today, the thoughts from this reading came to mind. I reflected on many years ago when I first came into program and found these concepts and principles to be so contradictory to the way I lived my life. I did not realize how dependent I was on" the applause and approval" of others until I began to examined my motives and started to be honest with myself.
My thought process went on to discover that as the years went by, and I was more comfortable in my own skin and more comfortable being me and sharing that at meetings, I found I no longer looked for the approval of others because I was validating myself.
The wisdom of this program is wide and deep. I am very grateful to be walking this journey with these tools.
Thanks LC, and GtoB for sharing your wisdom as well.
PS I like my haircut. I had a sister who has passed now but who always said when she went to the "beauty "parlor she came out" uglier" so she called it the" ugly parlor". I always smile at that thought. Thank Goodness I did not come out uglier. :)
Lol, i feel that way too, sitting in front of a mirror, hair wet, scraped back, yes, ugly parlour for me too. Approval from others is my default mode or old mode. Ican easily fall into this and i think its linked in with my self esteem. When im working it well and taking care of myself i dont seek that approval but at times icatch myself doing it and i dont like it. I want to be true to myself. Im a work in progress. Im a very grateful member, love these tools we uave.x
Glad you liked your haircut, Betty. Thank you for your thoughts on this reading.
I thought over the most recent season of my life and thought about whether or not I sought others approval. Well, no, I didn't. Not most of the time. I just sought more the peace of getting along with folks. Might have been easier on me if I did though - seek approval. And as Lily Tomlin once said: "And dat's da truuff."
Now that I am retired and in a different season of my life, I am seeking the place and the people with whom I am to share life again - to love and be loved in ways that bring out the best in me - the best in them. And right now, I'm still in the dark on that one. Just waiting on the more that will be revealed. And that, too, is true.
I have started this post a few times. I catch myself wanting approval, sometimes, yet, not really actively seeking it. Just the wanting causes me unrest....my peace and serenity are compromised. It helps me to say the serenity prayer when I get in this space....I work my steps and carry on.
Thanks Paula I can so identify . That is why examining my motives , and going inward really revealed my hidden agenda. Until I could see the hidden destructive attitudes buried beneath, I would be doomed to keep repeating the behavior and be unaware of why I was so unhappy and dissatisfied.
