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I often can't sleep, I've long left my alcoholic relationship but my own issues remain.. I was letting a situation regarding my mother wanting me to attend/ work at an event I have turned down a million times and her "talking to" my bf and asking him to "talk to me" to get me to participate make me sick..
I felt betrayed, ganged up on since neither of them has any doubt about how I feel on this issue.
The whole thing was spinning around in my head pretty big to the point I was thinking I would walk away from all of them, bf, mother, dad ... and / or get mad, explain my reasons for the millionth time, bring in all this baggage about my childhood and being pushed around and expected to always be the "good one" I was really loosing it... insanity.
I prayed to my higher power cuz I knew for a fact this was not good.no special big prayer no fancy words just asked for help.. within the hour I realized... I do not like 3 way conversations.. where one person is asked to convince another to do something for the third party... so I believe I will just state this fact to my bf... suggest he may want to call my mother back and inform her that I said I do not want to communicate this way and she is free to contact me if she would like to talk, in which case I will then repeat my polite decline of the event. If he chooses not to call her, I suppose she will take from that whatever she takes from that.
Seems simple from this side... wasn't too simple before...
Thanks for letting me share a small victory.. praying for all here whose issues may be small today and whose are so much more intense..... luv my people here on this board!
-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 20th of January 2015 05:32:36 AM
-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 20th of January 2015 05:33:26 AM
-- Edited by glad on Tuesday 20th of January 2015 05:36:06 AM
Dear Glad thank you for confirming that prayers for wisdom and guidance never go unanswered. My 11 th Step meeting last night reaffirmed this fact over and over. I love how a simple answer surfaced in response to your prayer. My family used that "Triangulation" technique often You were given a perfect response and most importantly you did not "react"
Thanks off sharing. .
Thank you, Glad. I, too, have chosen to remove myself from triangular conversations that keep the hamster wheel turning. I might repeat something twice and when I feel the frustration rise up in me, I know that my next step is to fall back and not to engage again in a conversation that really isn't a conversation. Just folks wanting to see things happen that simply aren't going to happen in the way they want it. I can't change the other parties' minds and don't need to persuade them. I can just fall back for new guidance from my HP or to keep myself out of a frustrating nobody gets anywhere practice in futility. Saying what I mean, meaning what I say, not saying it mean works for me when I work it. The other parties don't have to agree. Peace is the goal for me. If I'm not feeling peaceful, I'm free to change my mind and my actions at any time so that I can be at peace within myself and with my HP. That's the only relationship that truly matters in the end. My relationship with my HP and little me.
I too hate when people become the middle man in communication, it is hard enough not to have miscommunication between just two people. My Mom was the queen at triangulating us all to manipulate in getting her way. I am glad you sound so strong and I always remember now, No is a complete sentence no explanation needed. Boom, I couldn't have done that a couple years ago. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
