bad things keep happening and I have no traction - Al-Anon Family Group

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

bad things keep happening and I have no traction

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I understand how you feel bud, grief can be intense and add life into the grief and it can be overwhelming. It was when i crumbled i surrendered and got recovery. Sometimes it helps me to view things as being sent by my higher power for a better situation in the future. I cant see round corners to know whatsbest in the long run, it might be better for you to move from this office even if it doesnt feel like it. Let go and let god if you can.

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way Bud, sending ((((((hugs)))))).

I remember that I also felt as if I wasn't belonging and was unsupported when we first moved to Italy and my mother died. Perhaps, for the first time in my life, I really was learning to stand on my own two feet! With regards to competition moving into your building, from what I've read of your posts I suspect that you have your own wonderful assets to offer and it could easily turn out that you beat any competition by simply being yourself. When I was in this type of situation I sat and asked myself 'what is in my best interests?' 'What do I want to be doing, regardless of any outside influences?' Keep doing whatever it is that feels right for you and your HP at this time.

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry Bud, it does seem to be relentless for you lately and I can relate...I too felt much like there would be nothing left of me soon. But there is, (I finally bought jeans without holes in them today and I discovered I've gone up 2 sizes, there's more left of me than I care to have, lol).
The best sense I can make out of it is that these times of relentless misunderstandings and misadventures happen because we are ready to learn something big, for me I think it has been about completely discarding all of my priorities and starting anew. Maybe endless bad things are occurring because you are ready in some way to move forward?
I'm sorry it is being so dreadful, I pray it lets up soon.
(((Bud)))

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am sorry, Bud, there have been many losses of late and you are doing well maneuvering through them. I made a card once and titled it "God Came in and Messed Up My Hair ". I am sending this one to you, virtually. Hang in there and take the next guided action, mindfully.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Bud I am so very sorry to read of this latest challenge. Please keep remembering that HP has a plan and as I have read and experienced that "He uses what is meant for our harm and turns it to our GOOD". Trust the process and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Continued prayers

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Hang in there Bud. It may help to stick with 24 hours/A day at a time. For this 24 hours, you have a place to work and the world isn't totally crumbling. You'll be certified soon enough and won't need to wonder or feel if that is the reason for employers or business contacts to value you less. From my experience, before I was licensed in my career, I was used to do a ton of grunt work for people who were and I built up some resentment over it. It may help to just narrow your focus to that certification and knock it out. Mom would have probably been proud and happy for you to have it and it will advance you. So basically - all signs pointing towards the fact that you proceeding with your certification is what needs to be done. What other's might be thinking or what there agenda is...that is something you are powerless over.

Breath deep. Your mom just passed. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself some pats on the back for taking steps to advance yourself in your career with this certification.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Great to see you back sharing your wisdom Dear Pink Chip :)

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

PC-welcome back! I'm self-employed and struggling for getting clients- juggling this with a demanding Masters program for certification. Staying in the office that I've cherished as my little space now feels like a coffin of death, knowing that someone with certification is working in the office across the way from mine. When I was looking for office space, I deliberately went to a location where I wouldn't be stepping on other professional's toes, as I was advised it would be in bad form if I didn't take this precaution. Not having been approached about this prior to or even as it was happening feels like a betrayal even if it is just business. I've known the people in the other office and they had seemed supportive of my path, but maybe that was me being ridiculous. I really feel it important to be in a supportive place; however, I don't know if that won't exist for a long time. I could also give up my business and reformulate the LLC after next December (or keep it and make space in my house for an office), offer to work for free intern hours with the new person towards my certification, but I don't know if I can overcome my resentment and feeling of my independence ripped away. I supplement my office rent with my savings, so I don't know if staying in my office is throwing good money after bad?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Bud))) I don't know if my share will help or not but I'll offer it as gift to take what you like.

The organization I founded had a limited scope of where we could operate and what we could do. Our budget was minimal in contrast with other non-profits in the area. When I applied for grants, I knew we were one among hundreds that were all competing for the same dollars. We didn't have slick brochures and I wasn't for putting us "out there" for a whole lot of newspaper time because I knew that things would be edited according to what the paper wanted and not necessarily what was actually factual and true about us. Numbers were always a big thing to funders. I knew our numbers wouldn't match the bigger, nationally funded organizations either. I still stayed true to who we were, what our purposes were, what our goals and objectives were and told the truth about us. I wouldn't fudge figures to inflate us. I wouldn't try to make us look bigger and better than other non-profits just to compete. I wouldn't try to manipulate people to give to us or tell others we were something we were not just to get the money or to make us look soooooooooooooo very, very successful when the truth was we were only one organization doing what we could to help people struggling through hard times by doing with them and for them what they could not do for themselves.

When I retired, a police officer who had been one of the folks I worked with in a co-sponsored summer project with neighborhood kids as requested by the City, shared with those at the retirement dinner that he had been to every organization in the City. Ours was the real deal with the finest programs with the best quality he had experienced with the Department.

Being true to what my HP asked of me kept our little organization humming after the fall in 2008 when much larger organizations had to close their doors or cease operations for a time. I don't know that we truly did have the finest programs in the City. I do know that remaining true to myself and to my HP was the best way for me to go. The organization belonged to my HP as did I. What my Silent Partner wanted was of the utmost importance to me. In the end, it all worked out as it was supposed to work out, little as we were in comparison to the bigger, shinier organizations.

Maybe the person across the hall is licensed and good at what they do in the way they are supposed to do it. That takes nothing away from you and what you can do well the way you do it.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Grieving can really take a toll on us in so many ways. You are so raw right now with all that. First things, first. Self care is everything right now. It's difficult to say why these people have made the decision they've made. A formal office doesn't make you a professional in my humble opinion. How you respond to this will. You will be that same professional from a home office. These people don't define your worth, you do. You'll choose the next right action that honors your self worth. I know you will.

I recently took a job with the expectation of a better one. It was to be my "foot in the door" job. I was a bit ahead of myself. I was in the future rather than doing my best in present circumstances. It was a poor fit and I knew it from the start but I forced it anyway. When I was shown the door, I left without complaint but my ego was bruised, I was indignant and felt vulnerable and insecure about my capabilities. It's two weeks now. Already, I feel relieved. I hope you'll feel better about all of this after you have time to process it. Whether it's personal or not bud, pffff! We alanoners spent countless hours trying to people please and gain validation from others before getting into program. We don't need to give out power away. It's such a time suck! You're on exciting career and personal journey. How lucky you are to have so much to look forward to. These people are just a little speed bump on the way, bud. You can be grateful for what they provided. You'll sort out for yourself what that is. You have a lot to be personally and professionally proud of! In support (((((((hugs))))) TT

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

UGH, Bud, it just seems like it's all coming at you at one time. So sorry that it's hitting you hard but I know that HP has a plan for you and that things will work out. Bummer about your x dragging you to court again. I don't understand any of that stuff and just would hope that when things are done, they are done. Dragging someone to court over and over just seems like a waste of time and money. Sending you lots of support and love today! HUGS!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry you are in a constant suck of energy away from you since your Mom's passing. Don't be like me and over react, I just overreacted and switched one of my classes 3 times in the last 2 days and now the one I finally decided on is full before I got back into it. I am learning this lesson the hard way and if I could just stop my stinking thinking when it happened and let it ride a few days I would have been in a better decision making place. Thank you HP lesson brought home once again. I know you will think this through and figure out what is the best next step for you. Maybe this new person would be able to be an asset to you given the chance, only HP knows what is around that next bend as someone else stated. I love what Melly said and actually burst out laughing about "there's more left of me than I care to have, lol" I totally relate! And the lesson for me is I am still here to serve a purpose and I matter! Glad to see our favorite Pinkchip back in the fold also! Sending you prayers, love and support!

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you elcee, I think you are right and appreciate pointing out that this happened to put me on a different path or a higher level of awareness.

Thank you Milkwood- I'm trying to calm the red from my vision so that I can think and act in my best interest. I am grateful- I know I have to keep my eye on the moving target.

Thank you Melly- I think you are right - I think a big change is in the wind. Watching you trudge through your recent big challenge and come through with flying colors gives me hope that I may do the same.

Thank you PP, I love your avatars- gorgeous!!! I'll take that one, a very bad hair day- yes, God came and messed up my hair. I'm trying to quiet my rawness so that I can think and act mindfully.

Thank you Grateful- I'm studying a technologic and scientific field of healthcare. I know I need to be true to myself under any circumstance. I don't claim more than what I am certified to do; but where I am now is a stepping stone. I understand the group across the hall wanting someone certified and I'm sure she's great at what she does and I'm sure this is why the group that brought her in will give her their referrals. I just don't like how things were handled and continue to be handled. Maybe you're right, though, and maybe it doesn't matter that an unusual field has offices that face each other and same with signs outside the building. So, this is my wake up call that I need to forge relationships elsewhere for referrals.

Thank you TT, I just feel like I'd like a chunk of time that I could be left alone for some quiet reflection... but there's the insanity and drama- court with exAH, Mom passing, sister's chaos, etc I was teasing a friend the other day saying how I'd very much like to enroll in other activities in 2015. I know I have choices and am being blinded by my emotions.

Thank you Andromeda- I feel like it's too much and I'm overwhelmed. I can't manage. There's no ladder to help me easily climb out of the hole; no, my only equipment is my sore bare hands and feet against a craggy and unpredictable ascent, and I know it's up to me to do the work. Thank you for being here and for your support. I know this will pass- I want to be sure I act with professionalism and in alignment with what serves me well.

Thank you family.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.