The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I carpool with a younger woman who lives at home with her parents. To save money, because we travel one hour each way to college Monday-Friday we carpool. It is no longer worth it for me, nobody else frustrates me the way she does and I walk away most days wondering if she is trying to undermine me on purpose or not. I try to build her up and help her with classes and she leaves me out to dry every turn she gets. I am seriously over it and today I told her so while I was driving home from school with her and when I got home she makes me out to be a jerk on facebook and has one of our nursing student friends agreeing. I blocked and unfriended her and have decided I should have listened to my red flags long ago. I wish I didn't care what she was saying about me, but I don't want our mutual friends thinking I am a monster. I know it's none of my business, but taking it to our mutual friends and posting on facebook. I need to let it go and get back to studying, but it is all a bit much honestly. I am beyond pissed to feel betrayed when I work very hard on myself and all I do as a single working mom, full time student.
Today I was studying with some friends and she says she is ready to leave and I am still not caught up, but she is. I say to her I'm not ready and she says I had all morning and should be. I had a test previously and didn't have as much time and I can't study at home like she can, I come home and make dinner, read books with my 6 year old and her homework and it's none stop until 9 or after then I'm exhausted and have to get up at 5:45 am the next morning to get my youngest to the bus stop by 6:40am and get myself ready and headed to school again the next day. It feels like ground hog day the movie, but not as fun. I am truly unsure if I'm just over reacting with her because it's been a long road of ignoring red flags with her or not. She has taken crappy pictures of me without me knowing and sends them to her friends on snapchat which I really don't appreciate and many other boundary issues. She is only 20 and immature at that. I am 16 years older and feel like I should some how be above this all having an al-anon program. Please bring on the ESH.
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Thursday 15th of January 2015 08:36:26 PM
-- Edited by Breakingfree on Thursday 15th of January 2015 08:36:53 PM
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I've had so many experiences of being in relationship to folks I really don't have to be in relationship to - at least not closely - I can't choose one. I guess I'd be asking myself if carpooling with a gal who isn't a match for me really worth it? Most of the time, my answer is usually "no." Sometimes, the part we can change is our minds on whom it is we want to be with as we tend to our own lives.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 15th of January 2015 09:22:03 PM
I think you've done the right thing cutting ties with this person. I remember having two young kids while at uni and my "friends" without kids, one in particular paid lip service to respecting my family commitments but in practice, they simply didn't get it. Study is hard. Expensive, stressful and really highly emotional as there is so much of you the person invested in it. In comparison to your goals this girl who really is too young in my view to know anything about life, is not even a fixture. For me, I've learned the hard way not to let selfish or sabotaging people get in the way of my goals. They won't be there for the fallout so why should I invest my time and energy in them when I have so little to spare? I hope you find supportive uni people.
BF you are so sweet, i can see you being patient with this little twit....me?? i would have "handed her her head" quite some time ago, then walked...
yea, its tough to have to cut someone loose, its messy at times and bitterness is the residue, but you did the right thing...walking away..blocking her on FB....You took care of you......."how important is she" should be a personal slogan.....
your character is yours....your reputation w/her is HERS!!! I am certain, knowign what i know about you, that you had NOTHING to do w/her assessment of you....
she is a little boundary breaker who likes to , I call them "crap disturbers" they like to stir the pot to see what reaction they get.....NOT worth your time......
and yea, she is the loser in this, hopefully she will learn her lesson , good friends are hard to come by.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Dear BF I do believe that you are both living in two different worlds even if you are both attending univ. together. I agree with aquamom and believe you did the right thing.
Make your asset and gratitude list, detach and remember what others think of you is really unimportant It is what you think of you that counts.
She is young and lives with mom and dad,so she doesn't have a clue yet.I can imagine she would be hard to deal with and a lot of people that age are really into the facebook drama.I have made a commitment to myself to be as drama free as possible.I made a new facebook page and I only have friends who are positive,if there is any drama I will block them.Same goes for any situation in my life.
Sorry you're dealing with her unkindness and the inconvenience of finding an alternative travel plan. You have a busy "adult" life and priorities. I know it's disappointing and irksome but you're resourceful and have the benefit of maturity and life experience. Thankfully, alanon empowers us to make choices that honor our well-being and you're doing that. (((hugs))) TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Back when I had to dodge stegosaurs to get to school, I went to a commuter college, so I was in there with everyone from 18 to 60. You could definitely tell the differences, and in general the older ones eschewed hanging out with the younger ones. Of course, at that time, being the same age as your traveling partner, I didn't really know why, other than we just didn't have a lot in common, but it was also because of the maturity level.
I also found out that everybody figured out pretty quickly who was and wasn't full of crap, even when I was 19-20. So I'm sure most of the school already has figured out what she is all about.
And lastly, someday she will get her comeuppance when she is doing all wonderful things you mentioned, and you are being a nurse and your kids are grown up and you can go out and have fun after work. The cycle of life will complete!
I made a new facebook page and I only have friends who are positive,if there is any drama I will block them.Same goes for any situation in my life.
I kept my old facebook page, but really cleaned house....drama is OUT....not welcome....i don't take "friends" whom i do not know or a trusted friends knows..........NO DRAMA policy is here, too.....I walk away.....don't want anymore drama....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
