Trying to stick to boundaries-much support needed - Al-Anon Family Group

AinWisconsin · Newbie

Trying to stick to boundaries-much support needed

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

AIN Welcome once again- I do understand and hear you -The best support you can obtain is to search out alanon face to face meetings, held in your community and attend.

Living with the insanity of the disease of alcoholism, we have all become distracted and other focused. In order to reclaim our self esteem and focus, it is important to break the isolation caused by coping in the disease by attending meetings with those who understand as few other can .it is also important to learn new coping tools and receive support as you practice using them There is hope and you are worth it.
Remember alcoholism is an incurable, chronic progressive disease over which we are powerless Please reach out for help for the only person you can help yourself.

glad · ~*Service Worker*~

I went through a long hard break up. I left most of his stuff around the house because I could barely move much less pack his things, I knew he was not coming back. I just couldn't deal with it. Then I got so financially down I had to have garage sales and a lot of his stuff went that way. I then few out a few more things as I was just doing general cleaning. Over time most of it was gone. There was one "junk drawer" of his stuff that I just ignored- but I ignore my own junk drawers too. As I prepared to move these last few months, I think I threw out most of the junk drawer stuff, sure don't plan on sending any of it to him. He's known where it is for the last 4 years or so and I didn't even take the time to look as see if any of it matter just poured it in a trash box.

Anyway I'm thinking of selling the house and I suppose that old blue sweater of his that may or may not still be in the back of a closet will either go with the house or be thrown out eventually, at this point it's just a sweater to me, I'd actually have to look closely to remember what it was for sure.

I describe this all because to me, it's similar to how the whole healing process and getting him out of my head had to work for me. Just like not dealing with throwing out his stuff the pain of getting him out of my head was too hard so for a long time I just wallowed in it- for good or bad that's the way it happened. Maybe I would have gotten better quicker if I had been able to clean out the stuff and my mind faster...I don't know, not sure if I need to know. don't care right now.

OMG after typing this I realize I have some work to do on me, that I don't want to do because I'm now very happy and would rather just live my life- I don't want to look at any sadness! Oh dear...

-- Edited by glad on Sunday 18th of January 2015 08:31:17 AM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

glad wrote:
I describe this all because to me, it's similar to how the whole healing process and getting him out of my head had to work for me. Just like not dealing with throwing out his stuff the pain of getting him out of my head was too hard so for a long time I just wallowed in it- for good or bad that's the way it happened. Maybe I would have gotten better quicker if I had been able to clean out the stuff and my mind faster...I don't know, not sure if I need to know. don't care right now.
OMG after typing this I realize I have some work to do on me, that I don't want to do because I'm now very happy and would rather just live my life- I don't want to look at any sadness! Oh dear...
-- Edited by glad on Sunday 18th of January 2015 08:31:17 AM

i can sure relate to this....my 2nd X, was sweet, but a drunk so i told him recovery or we split...he did not want recovery so i packed up his stuff and moved him out....still parts of him were in the house....for me?? i just got rid of the stuff....clean it out....make the break....but i had to grieve for a bit first....that i set a limit on....then it was clean house.....thats me...when its over it is over...i clean out my house and work on cleaning out my head......

and yea, sometimes relating our stories is like picking a scab, but in teh course of helping another, i do it but don't go too much into it, so the scab just gets a nudge, not getting pulled off......i don't want any more negative, either and in a perfect world, i could hit "delete"on my emotional/mind harddrive and "poof" no more memories, but it does not work that way......less and less i "go there" re: my past, pre-recovery....but every now and again over working on a trigger or something i have to "look" in the rear view mirror, but i refuse, now, to stare at it..........good post, Glad...so very honest and open........i relate to you

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

I know when my A was doing her heaviest drinking I was like a raw nerve, so fragile, so devastated, so desperate. I knew how bad I felt but not how sick I had become. It is only now in hindsight, after a year and a half working my alanon tools, that I have gotten a handle on my emotions. I also learned I did not have to make any drastic decisions until I got a grip and felt better. So by working on myself and coming to the truth about my marriage, I am making future plans that please ME! Keep coming back, Lyne

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