The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My ah came out of rehab about two weeks ago and was suppose to stay in a apt we paid for the month. He has stayed two days out of two weeks. Not sure I like that, seems like he's taken back his territory. He was nice for about 6 days Rest if the time it is hit or miss. We have a lot of up and downs, He has been complaining about being sick for the last 7 days, grumpy a lot but sober so far. when he as drinking he was sick a lot too and I find I have no sympathy now about that or now that he is sick. I try not to let it affect me but we work together and live together and the grumpiness seems to get to me on my low days. I have to deal with my exhusband next week regarding our daughter and my ah is not supportive in the way I need. He seems to turn a lot to about him, even this. How it affect him, so much is about him. I would love to hear more stories of how to deal with the recovering alcoholic. How when u are living with them do u not just let everything that hurt pour out all at once. For one he turns some of it against me. And two he needs to stay sober so I don't say much but I can see me being lee patience with him. Thanks everyone I am going to online alanon meetings but would like species if anyone would like to share. I know I'm ok close to the problem to see it right now
Set boundaries and stick to them.
Ensure you state the boundaries in a clear, concise manner. So for example you mention he was to stay in an apartment for a month, yet he only has stayed there two days. Was that so that you could both transition into a new way of living and you needed space to do that, was it to take time to heal...whatever it may have been from what I read it was a boundary that isn't stuck to. A's are good at crossing boundaries when we let them. Rely on this slogan to help you Say what you mean, mean what you say and don't say it meanly.
Keep your side of the street clean, work on you and worry about your growth. My AH loves to be the poor me victim still to this day. He gets down, irritated, immature whatever and I can finally say I don't let his attitudes make or break my day. If he is in attack mode or snarly snarky mode I simply state I don't want to hear about it anymore, if he needs suggestions on what to do he should call his sponsor or someone in the program and ask for help. If I make a suggestion to him I do it with kindness. So this is minor but I absolutely will not clean up after him anymore. So here is my suggestion to him, when he comments on something that may be a mess he created, You made the mess, you clean it up. If you don't want to cleanup after yourself then, I guess you can handle a mess. Then I say nothing else about it.
You cannot control whether or not your AH stays sober even if he should. Remember it's his choice what do. He has to work his own program. You can be supportative and encouraging, but not stating how you feel because he might not stay sober won't help you out in the long run at all. Keep the spotlight on yourself and how you can progress not just with your AH, but in your whole life.
Go to F2F meetings, get a sponsor, participate in the fellowship, keep coming here and your online meetings. I can tell you for sure without a doubt it works, if you work it and your are worth it! (((Hugs)))
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Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
