The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a talk with my AH last night. Tried to keep it to just how I feel and not throw any ultimatums at him. He gave me a bunch of lip service and says that he is going to quit drinking today. I worry that this is just all talk because he isn't seeking out any professional help. Should I encourage him to start with his primary care physician? He is convinced that he and I can do this together; I don't have the energy to do this nor do I think that would work. To me, it seems like he isn't serious about stopping. He also lied to my face that he wasn't hiding any bottles in the house. I didn't tell him that I found his secret stash.
Should I leave him to find the help? I'm trying to work on becoming detached but I feel like a cold, heartless b*tch! I know that I'm doing the right thing for myself right now and my daughter. I also suggest to AH that me and my daughter move to my parents for awhile. He thought that would make things worse (of course).
Hi, flag. Good that you are listening to what he is doing and not putting a lot of credibility in what he is saying. In Al-Anon, we learn to watch their action and not listen to their words. My understanding is that that is what our loved ones do as As. They pay attention to what we do and not to what we say.
Except in the case of violence or other threats to us or our children, the program suggests we attend meetings and focus on ourselves and our recovery before making any major changes in our relationships. In my case, I separated when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was the right although painful thing for me to do for me and my children. I knew what to do when I needed to do it and when I did it, I didn't go back to the way things were. Had I made a major change before I was truly ready to do it, I wouldn't have been able to continue to heal or make good changes for me.
Dear flag, I do hear you and understand that he wants your help to recover. Please understand that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that can be arrested and never cured. This is an extremely important concept and acknowledging the fact helps to see that you are unable to help him recover,and is the most loving thing you can do.
Although you love him tremendously and want the best for him, it is important for him to seek his recovery from a community that understands the disease and can help him. You are not heartless. The most loving action you can take is to search out Al-Anon meetings for yourself and become healthy in your own thinking and responses. Encouraging him to do likewise is a most loving action recommended.
As G2G suggested alnon meetings will help you to make a decision that is best for all. It is important to examine your motives and expectations for leaving before taking any action.
