It's not about me (again) - Al-Anon Family Group

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

It's not about me (again)

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Great work Bud I can see how well the interaction went and am so impressed with your program work .

My brother is in hospital and his moods are black, gruff and angry all the time I still visit and when I walk in he smiles and says I am glad you are here and when I leave he says he will miss me-- amazing for years I would engage in his moods and we both suffered Thank God for alanon

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Good food for thought for me, especially re approval-seeking. That's something I need to let go of right now.
I'm glad you are feeling good about how you are responding to uncle. It sounds very difficult especially when you are grieving.
You are inspiring to me.
(((bud)))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Bud: It makes me so happy to see how you processed all this and came to a new insight that was helpful to you. I, too, attached my FOO's opinion of me to my own self-esteem which for me was a childhood reaction to a new situation. I recognized that I was no longer a child. I didn't need my family to validate my existence or my personhood. That didn't take away from the truth that I would have appreciated a closer relationship to them all and yet it wasn't happening in ways I'd hoped but as my sponsor helped me see I didn't have to make any of us wrong - just at different places - and I could just let them and myself be without harming myself or pretending to be somebody I'm not just to keep peace. Peace came in changing what I could and like you, it was my own attitudes and reactions to what really was out of my control.

You sound so much more at peace and I love what you have shared here.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Betty and thank you for sharing about your brother and it's inspiring to see how difficult situations can be more easily managed. From this, I realize that I can also choose to think at my Uncle as "moody", and it doesn't have to get bigger than that.

Thank you Grateful- I was starting to have deja vu feeling like a nut case. I will hold your experience close, as much as I want to have a better relationship, it is unlikely to happen how I would like, but I can chose safe, positive, and constructive ways to put myself out there. I've been trying to keep my focus on the different places part without delving more deeply.

Many thanks Melly- When I said dipping my big toe- I really meant full swan dive into the pool; when I said pool of water, I may have meant mud... and the mud actually is more like quicksand. It can happen that fast! If we now add the bones, stones, birds and elephants- we've got more than a book title! Alanon and bookwriting- who knew!

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow that must be a weight off!

My mother suffered migraines. I have no idea why but I felt so guilty as a child and up, thought it was my fault. Once I realized it wasn't....changed my life big time.

I am sooo sooo glad you had this lighbulb moment and know it is not you his attitude is from. My thing is now changed to it is not my obstacle, its your problem.

Isn't it refreshing to have mip to come to and share. Then not only you gain but all that read your shares do too!

hugs!

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh if I had a proper computer right now would be photoshopping a big mudpool with bones stones birds and elephants, must add that to the "to do when i get a proper computer" list LOL

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Love love love! :)

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

Great work!!!!! I learned a lot in that share

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Melly, You're so creative!

Thank you SerenityRUS!

Many thanks, Truth! It's because we're all here that this program works!

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

but now that it has I realize even more strongly that the ugliness my Uncle displays is not about me. It doesn't excuse his bad behavior, it just makes me more aware of how I've attached his bad behavior to my self esteem- and that's not ok. I'm so glad I refrained from trying to force a 9th step; forcing doesn't work no matter how badly I wanted it. I have more work to do on me -

********************

YOU BET it wasn't about you....I am so glad u saw this and therefore could let go...disconnect from his energy and focus on you, and i love the not trying to "force a 9th step" you may never get it, and its OK...U are OK with you..that is most important.....low expectations equal no resentment............fantastic post, bud....loved it!!!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.