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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> im in early recovery, wife is in rehab
Post Info TOPIC: im in early recovery, wife is in rehab
axe


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im in early recovery, wife is in rehab
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I'm in my fourth month of sobriety (alcohol), through AA. My wife basically started drinking a glass of wine at night. This quickly spiraled into being a full blown alcoholic. She would say a lot of very hurtful things when she was drunk. She would also bring up being bored and wanting an open marriage, followed by hitting on my friends. We decided to quit. I went to AA and it is going well. This made her drinking worse. Finally the kids and I talked her into treatment. The first week she was depressed and mad at me for being there now after two weeks, she's doing great. Me, not so much. We've been married nearly 20 yrs and I have been a single father of fpur.  I miss her SO much, I'm so overwhelmed and depressed, that I can hardly make it to the next minute.  Her stay is great, telling me about all her new friends, groups, etc.  Meanwhile, I'm the only one hurting and the one trying to clean this mess up and keep our life together. I visited her today and it was just so bizarre. Her introducing me to all her rehab buddies, we were nvr really alone. I felt so out of place and in the way. It was so uncomfortable that I said maybe I should go and she said "oh, ok" this was after driving 200 miles to get there.  I thought I was having a panic attack so I hugged her and left.  This side of the coin is much harder than when I was the drinker!  Worst experience of my life, this has been. She seemed so different, I'm terrified of our future.



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jason ackerman
neshema2


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Hi and welcome to the MIP board

OMG,  TWO of you alcoholics....1 sober 4 months and 1 just starting

let me say this  #1, i am glad you reached out and #2, it is good BOTH of you are in recovery, hopefully she will stay

#3, BOTH of you need your recovery program if you have any hope of this working

i know..its tough, but think if she was still drinking, life would be hell and she would be slowly poisoning herself to death as you were till you stopped

I would be grateful shes there and yea, things will get harder b4 they get easier, b/c both of you, so new in recovery , AA and AA should be number one priority and alanon two, since to qualify for alanon you must have a drinker in your close circle who is impacting your life

many alcoholics come to alanon too, b/c may be their partner was a drinker, or their parents, so the straddle AA and Alanon...smart thing to do....this way you see yourself in a real light...how you affected others and how you were affected

that said, both of you will be so busy trying to be sober and stay sober that should really be priority....relationship will endure if it is real and meant to endure, otherwise which is worse....a broken relationship?? or a broken life dying with each drink?????

I do hope you can find some fac2fac alanon meetings in your area and attend 90 meets in 90 days for starters....she is gonna be busy, trying to find her life, sobriety, etc.,  and you , only 4 months sober, i would, if i were you, quit focusing on her and focus on MY recovery....She will do what she will do, you can't control this...you can't cure this (her drinking)   but you CAN help you

i do urge you to get into alanon meetings...we have them here, on line and they are very very good, i've attended many....and still go  b/c there are no good face to face meets in my area....

at first this is really hard both of you need to find yourselves...you both have been lost in the haze of drinking, stunting your spiritual growth.....

I do hope you give alanon a try...I am sure others will weigh in on your post here....glad you showed up...........IN SUPPORT



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DavidG


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Hi M8,

          early days... a lot can happen here...

we are so used to trying to fix things... mostly things that can't be fixed...

as you will know when the alcoholic takes a fresh start, they take it 150%.

And at the same time this may now last, and it can be a rocky bottom...

keep in touch, make contact inside your community, if you can... you may well be surprised at who you will see in the rooms... aww

take care,

DavidG.



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
hotrod


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Welcome AXE, I do understand the fear and anxiety of which you speak and am glad that you reached out for support to the Al-Anon program. As you know ,alcoholism is a chronic incurable disease which can be arrested and never cured. AA is the recovery program for the person who is drinking and Al-Anon is the recovery program for family members as they attempt to recover from the devastation of living with the disease.

Al-Anon has face-to-face meetings similar to AA and you would be welcome. Since you are in early recovery in AA, I'm sure you have a sponsor and I would discuss the possibility of your attendance at a few Al-Anon meetings a week as well as maintaining your AA meetings.

The program is different, we learn to keep the focus on ourselves, trust HP and rebuild our self-esteem and self-worth.

Please keep coming back here there is hope.


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


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Welcome to mip.

I know you here this one, One day at a time.

For me that means doing what I have to each day, get it done. Then I do what I want or more enjoy what I can.

We have no idea what he future will bring. So no use in being terrified, ruining the precious moments we have.

Right now you have your kiddos. You did not share the ages or anything. It has to be hard with your program being so young, but have to say congrats for each second you are on program!

You know you must focus on you. Can you get help with the kids so you can have some time to regroup or just go get some quiet time, or do things you love?

I know for me, not allowing my passions to be ignored helps so much. No matter what happens I have my little farm of rescues to care for.

Are you able to make a routine with the kids? Have them help to do chores with you and keep the house going? Set up activities for you to do each day etc? Kids so need routine, so right now with mom gone and you feeling fragile they need it even more.

Having a routine can help you also. Movie night with popcorn, can be a time with them or a couple hours for you to read or fix something or do what you love.

Sometimes it works for people to give the A in rehab this time to get going on themselves and you concentrate on you and kids and home. Really take a vacation from the A's disease.

That is her load, not yours. I want to say also, you have no idea of what is truly going on with her in rehab. Just saying. not everyone in rehab really works the program.

am glad you found us, hope we can be support for you. YOu are not alone! hugs



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
axe


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Thanks all, kids are 4,9,15,18. Quite a spread! Lot of different feelings for each of them to deal with. Not fun.

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jason ackerman
bud


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Hi and welcome to MIP- you're in the right place and I'm glad you found us. I relate to your post and had similar experiences and feelings when visiting my AH in rehab for the first time many years ago. My AH could not accept that things were as bad as they were and tried hard to impose his imagination of how he wanted things onto the reality that wasn't. As you know, alcoholism is a very powerful, cunning, and baffling disease and becomes too much for most of us to handle on our own. Alanon gives us the emotional support and skills to find better perspectives and improve our situations. There are people in my face to face group that also work a strong AA program and find that both programs can be worked well together. Rehab and post rehab is a process as it takes time for the person to regain their footing and there are a lot of adjustments for their loved ones as well. While your wife is going through this process, your program work can build and grow and provide a stronger foundation. Keep coming back.

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