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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Happy 2015 everyone!
Post Info TOPIC: Happy 2015 everyone!
Luiza


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Happy 2015 everyone!
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Hope everyone entered 2015 with health and hope. This is going to be a big year for me, new life, new home, SINGLE and alcohol crazy making free. I am looking forward to see the year unfolding and I am coping the best I can. I think I am doing well but I predict a storm ahead.

 

Talking about last year, daughter went to her grandparents for the Christmas holidays, they were so excited and planned so many activities and stuff. Daughter came back not so happy, apparently it was a bit dysfunctional (why wasn't I surprised?) they kept promising things that they didn't follow through and one night exAH slept on the kitchen floor! Daughter was very worried about him and very confused about his behaviour but I can tell that since she came back her whole thinking has changed and she understands me and my motives for separating so much better. She is also disappointed in her grandparents which doesn't make me happy of course but she now can see I am the stable and reliable person in her life. Luckily her aunt, eX's sister, was there looking after her and she is a very kind sensible lady, this gave me peace of mind. So, glad that I wouldn't be there having a crazy Christmas, I planned to relax, sort out a lot of stuff to pack or give away and catch up with my course work, then my sister had a little accident on Christmas day and needed emergency surgery on her hand. I spent my whole work holidays (2 weeks) looking after her at my house and it was lovely to be able to be there for her and spend so much time together, but I still had to work on my second job too and I couldn't spend any time doing what I needed to do for myself... I can't wait for my course to finish. If I am lucky I will be free by February, yey! 

 

I have been using all my internet time to house hunt and learn about the private letting laws in England. My landlord is not being fair and legal so I can possibly push the moving to the summer holidays period when I will have time to find a place, pack and move and more money saved for the bond, agencies fees, etc...I am yet to decide if I will rent privately again in this crazy expensive city or try my luck in social housing...the second option is an adventure as I will not be able to chose the exact area or property and probably will have to go first through temporary accommodation, a lot of stress and hassle, which could be very unsettling for my daughter... but I see it as character building if you know what I mean. I imagine I can play it for her benefit (teaching lessons). Am I dreaming too much?

 

Meanwhile I am working like crazy, my hours at school increased so I am there from 9am-3pm and then carry on working with a child I pick up from school and take into my home from 3pm - 'God knows until when'...today I finished at 10:45pm, so I am tired but glad that I had a productive day. My job at school is going well, but I oscilate being really confident or being really paranoid (what others are thinking about my performance? Am I doing the right things?How about my foreign accent?) My daughter being in the same school just makes me put even more pressure in myself. I usually don't care about what people think about me, but the fear of losing a job now that I am single and the awkwardness of being a member of the staff at my daughter's school is very challenging for me. I also am having this feeling that the deputy head took a dislike to me and it freaks me out that she will somehow take it out on my daughter...I know this is irrational, but I have seen her being sarcastic before and she is sometimes actually very fake. It is so disappointing as she used to be my favourite person when I was just a parent, I had so much admiration for her..but now working closely to her I can see this other side and I am so confused... I don't know her that well but her behaviour towards me changed suddenly (or it is all in my head) and I don't have the guts to ask her what is going on, so I just keep doing the next right thing and try to be out of her way. Today she was covering my daughter's teacher and there was an accident, my daughter ended up having her front adult tooth broken...the deputy head came to talk to me and I didn't like her tone and her facial expression...luckily I was able to see my daughter right after the accident (and before this lady spoke to me) and quickly booked a dentist emergency appointment for after school so I was cool and ahead of the game when the deputy head spoke to me, but later on at home, daughter said that the deputy head told her off when she wasn't doing anything wrong, in fact when she was doing what she was told to do...So yes, I know I have paranoia tendencies and I need to work on it and stop believing that I have magical instincts, I just need to keep working hard and pray that if my instincts are right, somehow, whatever issue that is bothering the deputy head is revealed to me so I can make ammends if possible.

 

The highlight of the week got to be that exAH sent me a few txts asking if 'when' he stops drinking once and for all can we get back together? He promises he will do everything and anything that is expected of him as a husband and as a father, and we can still be such a happy family...I spent a lot of time thinking about what to say in response, but I just got fed up of thinking about him and decided to ignore..I didn't reply didn't say anything. There is no way I can be with that man again but I can't start divorce procedures right now.. ..I really need to solve my next home situation first. 

 

 



-- Edited by Luiza on Friday 9th of January 2015 07:44:32 PM



-- Edited by Luiza on Friday 9th of January 2015 07:56:24 PM

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grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

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Wow! You have been one busy, busy woman. I can so relate to living in that whirlwind storm of feelings and needs. What really turns me on here is that you read a few texts, thought about what to say, and when nothing came, you didn't respond to the x. You put first things first for you and that is taking care of yourself and your daughter, being proactive in finding a home, dealing with the changes in holiday schedules and activities for you and for your daughter and trying to work with co-workers and others - all who also have pressures and stresses of their own. Sometimes, people don't like me either or at least I think they don't. I've chosen to look at whether or not I like them and sometimes, I don't. It's not about the other at all. At other times, they truly don't like me or how I come to life and unless I've done something to violate my own values, I've gotten much better at just letting them be where they are. The need to be liked is always there for me but the need to be true to myself is greater and that doesn't mean I don't need to talk this over sometimes with my sponsor who can help me put things in their proper perspective. When it comes to my child, if my gut tells me somebody could harm them - well, then its different for me. I would do what I could to remove my child from their presence if sitting down for a heart to heart wouldn't work or didn't work.

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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Hope you have a good year too!

You sound so focused and level headed.

wanted to share it was so hard for me to work with in the school my kids were at too! The Vice principal was caught asleep at his desk a lot, lazy, guess he was A. I had a super reputation.

BUT he gave info out to a strange where my son went to school and when he got out of school!! It was someone looking for my sons best friend! I was livid. I went to him and let him know how wrong that was. I then went to the superintendent. He messed with the wrong mama bear.

Next thing I know I am called in for a meeting. I thought it was a congrats for ten years of excellent service as my evals showed. nope he was trying to get me fired! I was soo upset. A single widowed mom. I hung in and was there 8 more years. But it was never the same.

so I get it! You do your best and no one can hurt you. to thine own self be true.

I am glad yet not your little sweetheart now decided herself about her dad. You not putting him down is perfect.

As far as your A, you know they have to do it for themselves, get onto a program of recovery. To ask that question is typical. He may really want it, but addiction is not curable. So I believe we take the whole disease on when we or if we take them back. I would say that sounds good for you. I hope you get well. You owe him nothing. But I do hope for his sake and daughters he finds some peace and serenity in a program.

You will find a home. That is all your daughter wants. I moved my kids 3 times before I could buy us a house of our own. but I stayed in the same school district. they are in their late 30's  now and have the same friends. Meant a lot. Sadly they grew up moved out, doing great, but did not come back... lol I loved having them home.

You are amazing in how you are handling all this. now what are you doing for you? You need attention also.

so glad you are here in our family! debilyn



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aquamom23


Senior Member

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Posts: 287
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Happy new year to you too lovely, I'm so glad you're OK and sorry to hear about daughters tooth. Englands English is its own English to my kiwi bred ears, and I bet your accent is gorgeous, seriously. I can not for the life of me interpret the Lancashire dialect but I love it nonetheless. I don't like the sound of the DPS attitude to daughter... but stay strong, know your job and take strength from your competence. Many hugs to you and daughter.

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aquamom23


Senior Member

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PS: did you manage to go for your manicure? I agree with deb, some you time is deserved!x

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