I really need some advice - Al-Anon Family Group

mattGrammy · Newbie

I really need some advice

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello. Welcome to MIP. I'm sorry you are finding yourself in such a difficult position right now. I'm not sure what resources or agencies are in your area that might be of help to you or whether or not you have family members to help through the short term? Hopefully, others will weigh in on this with some experiences, strength and hope that they have had with similar situations that may help you know you are not alone.

You don't say if you are in Al-Anon and attend meetings. We have learned that when things are very difficult, just attending an Al-Anon meeting for an hour can be a great help. We also have Al-Anon on-line meetings here at two different times during the day that can be a source of support for you, too.

We've learned that if we keep an open mind we will find help and hope in the Al-Anon program. Keep coming back here, too.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I would find the money. Move where ever you want .Take care Of you!
Attend alanon for you and your sanity and your own recovery. Let him
Deal with his own problems.

I am going thru a divorce so i am on edge. He sounds like my dry ah
Blaming me for all his problems even though mine has been dry for 30
years. He will not look within and became very emotionally and verbally
Abusive toward me. I was the big bad wolf especially after he started aa
3 years ago. The stuff he would come home with and the finger pointing.

I was attending alanon but it did nothing toward our relationship at that
Point. He was uninterested in working on us. That was a done deal. He
Had no love or respect for me anymore when he started his emotional
Recovery. "Looking into his feelings"

But this is me not you, hiding the money is scary to me. What is his
Agenda? I would seek help so you can take care of yourself.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

is the money joint owned??? i am not sure what to say b/c you didn't say "cleaned out bank accounts" or he hid the bank books.....are you going through separation???? if so, a good lawyer can find his assets , if you've been together a considerable while, he has to provide for you....whoever is the main income earner has to provide for the spouse who is not.....

i don't have much to go on re: your post, but finding/protecting your assets is important...also lining up a support network re: your living space.....

also , maybe an abuse shelter could give you advice, as he is verbally abusive, hes an alcoholic, so i woudl think they could give you some pointers......

sorry, its all i can offer till we get to know your details more

however, i would be going to alanon meets if i were you, b/c no matter what, your gonna need alanon and its support system b/c his drinking and verbal abuse has impacted you, distored your view of yourself and your self confidence/esteem.........i would get into alanon meets and maybe after the meets, you could get some pointers frm some of the old timers in there....

IN SUPPORT...glad u reached out to us...

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Social service,s you may just need to get a hold of someone there and let them know your situation and they may be able to point you in the right direction. Al-anon has helped me immensely, do you attend local meetings in your area? Sending you love and support!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Legal aid would seem prudent. Even free legal aid.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree with Breaking free. You could start with your human resources dept. The can guide you as to who to go to. There usually are programs where attorneys who give their time on a sliding scale, set price an hour or free. Most attorneys offices can guide you to this help.

This is abandonment. Sure sounds like abuse to me. So whatever aid you have for being alone with kids, county, state and or federal, Human Resources should be able to help there.

As far as the house. since he skipped out, i am guessing he took that money too? Possible call the mortgage broker, let them know the situation and how you can proceed where you are in the sale. there may be some legal process so you can stay till things are figured out.

I sure would not give one thought to being out by the 15th! It just is not possible when he had abandoned you and kids!

When I have things I, lets say I think I have to do, but am in a situation and can't, I think this. If I were badly sick, broke my leg, someone just died, things can and have to be on hold. So same as this with you. You are going through an emergency! There is nothing you can do. Who can expect a mom with kids or a child who was abandoned to get out of their home in less than a week?? That has no where to go! The world goes on, things will get back into place in time.

I also want to say this, He is still very sick. I invite you to take zero stock in what he says. In reversies, what kind of parent and spouse abandons their family? What kind of spouse takes all the income from their spouse and kids?

So what makes you care what he says about you. I am so sad he is talking to you like that. A husband who values his family does not act like this. Believe me, If you take a stand, look for your resources, you can come out better.

I hope you keep coming, keep us updated. We already love you and care. Most all of us have been thru trauma like this, we get it!

hugs! We are here for you. Debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.