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After many years of separation, he finally got evicted from his apartment, I got his stuff and took him to social services. He still wants to die. He was in the hospital night before last because he tried to sleep in his car that is on 3 flat tires. The police took him for a mental health evaluation. He lied so he could get out and I dropped him off at social services and then dropped him at the hotel they gave him a voucher for. He was supposed to go back to finish paperwork today, they gave him a bus schedule and a voucher for that too but he stayed in the hotel, never left. Called me this eve to tell me that he stayed because they didn't kick him out. He has a Mom and sister but he says they are dead to him and would freak if I called them and not for nothing, they have been useless since the trouble started years ago. I don't know what to do or not do. They don't have his cell, so he would know I was the one to call, or do I honor his wishes to not involve them and let him hit his bottom, which might very well be death?
I am sure he plays me..I get it. I still love him and when he was sober helping move the stuff, he was awesome.
I didn't want it all thrown in a dumpster... Lots of the stuff I told him I would give it back when he gets on his feet. Not sure that is going to happen...
I used to wish my ex would die. Sounds terrible but i couldnt see any way out of the misery. It sounds like manipulation to me. All of it. I suggest letting him find solutions on his own, step away, go to a meeting.
I used to wish my ex would die. Sounds terrible but i couldnt see any way out of the misery. It sounds like manipulation to me. All of it. I suggest letting him find solutions on his own, step away, go to a meeting.
agree agree agree re: my AH#1, it was all a head job...he used to do the same crap when he though he was losing me....oh he wanted to die....well??? he didn't....he kept on using others when i finally left........i agree with el-cee....step away, let him to his own devices.....find an alanon meet and be with you.......IN SUPPORT
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
"Wanting to die" is sometimes another way of saying: "I don't want to change," or "I want this pain to stop." I have learned that all I can do to help an active A is take good care of myself and do the next right thing. If I know where they are and they're threatening suicide, I'll share what I'd do if I felt that way or call 911. I'm not another person's therapist or higher power. I can't make somebody want to live or make a change. I can do what makes sense at the time they are threatening suicide or saying they want to die and then let go. If they're simply feeling extremely low and I know they have a pastor, a sponsor, a therapist, I might also suggest they work things through with them if I've heard the same thing at various times and I just know I have no more to offer them because I've said it all and done it all.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 8th of January 2015 03:34:40 PM
I'm sorry but when my son said it a couple of times I called the police. He always said it when he was half way sober and couldn't cope. I finally told him he wouldn't be telling me he was going to commit suicide if he really wanted it. He now tells me it's because he wanted attention and I tell I gave to you didn't I.... police don't mess with the words suicide.
He got the message...
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I think he really does want attention. and tries to push buttons he knows will work for me. I don't want him to die...I want him to iive and want be able to try with me again. I do miss him...
He is way too unstable to even suggest that right now.
I will be here again.Not sure what will happen tomorrow
Whether he dies or not is his choice. I read in your share all the things that social services did for him that he didnt take advantage of. Thise were all his choice. He chose instead to take his chances manipulating you because he knows he cant manipulate social services or the police.
Something to think about - are Mom and sister useless because they don't enable him? I dont know your situation at all but in many cases As cut themselves off from relatives because the relatives wont enable.
I think this is your call to make. Nobody can really say what's right or wrong to do concerning him. I could sit here and take my exah's inventory and give you a picture for comparison but no two people in this world are alike and I'm not a big fan of lumping all alcoholics in a barrel and saying they're all the same so follow what I did or didn't do. I've surprised myself by doing things I swore I wouldn't and not doing things I swore I would.
The best suggestion I was ever given in this program concerning decision making, was to pray for my higher power's will for the situation. When I first got here, I didn't know what the answer looked like. Now, I know that when I am going to do something concerning someone else it should be without thought of a pay off for me. The my motivation involves feelings of fear, guilt or mistrust concerning that person, myself or my higher power, I know the energy isn't good for going forward with what I have in mind. When the overriding feeling is ... this feels like it's the right thing to do, like it's hp's will, I go forward and do it. If in doubt, then I don't.
I wish you the best with your decision. Whatever you choose to do, you'll continue to be loved without condition here at this Alanon site. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
