The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, its been a long time since Ive written anything on here only because I didnt think I had much to write. I go to
one meeting a week in our area which has been invaluable to me.
I do however always turn to this board when in dire straits (no meetings over the holiday) - or at least my imagination of it!
And this is what I have discovered about my imagination!!
Short story is that on boxing day (my A sons birthday) we ask when he wanted to be
driven back to the city and he broke down crying saying he didnt want to return to his
shitty life. This broke my heart and I literally had to leave the room. All of me wanted to have him
stay in our warm, clean amenity filled housed, knowing he was going back to homelessness,
but I said nothing trusting in the words - its work if you work it. Soooo, I said nothing held back
tears and hubby drove him in.
Every since then I have been crying every night and not sleeping well imagining the absolute
worst. We have the kind of weather you can die in sleeping on the streets and so of course this is
were my very vivid imagination went. Each night the wind would howl, the temperature would
drop and Id be up all night crying and wondering when the police would show up for us to
identify his body. (this truly is insane)
Last night I get a call from A son and hes not only fine but feels confident he can handle anything after homelessness. He assured me he was at a hostel a couple nights and has now paid for rent at a friends place to stay the month. And the whole time hes talking, all I could think about was how twisted my own thinking is when it comes to him. I have totally forgotten how capable, smart and resourceful he is (all the things I used to tell him to use to STOP drinking and drugging) and now here I am only seeing him as his disease instead of the very person I KNOW he can be.
He asked my advice on something as I told him, he should do what HE thinks is right as he knows better than me what that is. (again - it works if you work it)
So as painful as it is for ME, I am confident now that HE will be ok and his recovery will be much quicker not being around me and in our home. I have been such a big part of his problem and I
see that clearer than ever now, which in turn I hope will help MY recovery.
So yeah, if you just trust in the program and know that it works if you work it.just maybe, just maybe, itll all turn out OK.
p.s. the icing on this cake is that hes been dry since Nov 13th. Hes also attended a few AA meetings but said he didnt like them lol but also said hell keep going when he has time as hes working two jobs nowso sad I cant see the good for the past..gonna change that NOW!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your learnings. I relate to all that you have said here. One day at a time is all we have to work with and it appears to me that you are doing that and letting your son do what he will with his days and opportunities. Keep coming back.
I understand your torment, yet you listened to the voice of your HP which came to be known through working your program. This post is a blessing for me this morning. Hugs!
((((Wendy)))) I read your post and my imagination started to sing, "Imagination ...is funny, it can make a cloudy day sunny..." Is it also imagination that I can look at your sign-in and imagine I'm reading intuit? lol great post. Keep on keeping on.
Thank you for your post. I do the exact same thing in regards to my AD. When I don't hear from her for a couple days I start to imagine the worst imaginable outcomes of suicide, death from the winter freezing weather, etc. It is absolutely crazy behaviour on my part and then she makes contact and is quite all right. I too forget all of the wonderful traits she has that I am always reminding her of and instead resort to believing she cannot function. Good for you for working your program and staying out of his business. I am still a big work in progress!
Thank you all so much. PP I'm so happy you read this and I have been so happy to read the experiences of others on this board. And yes Jerry - you're so right - the power of our minds is quit something! The good thing I'm learning is that I can reteach my mind to listen to other voices rather than the stupid one that's been yapping for the last few years. I'm so grateful for alanon and all the people I'v met and all their experiences they have shared with me. Right now my HP is that collective care, experience, wisdom and belief that the alanon way WORKS if you work it....thanks everyone for all you've shared
Oh, it was good to read this. My sons been homeless too, he managed not to spend any time on the streets. Its very hard to live with that worry. I kept feeling guilty for having a bed and a shower etc. I knew i had to do it but it took everything i had not to go back on the merrygoround. Hes got a job, gf and a flat he painted and fixed up himself. He bought everyone xmas presents with his wages first time ever. He still drinks and i still worry but just for today hes ok. Thanks for sharing, your not alone
Oh the thoughts we go through. Been there done that many many times. But it's true if we have faith and know our son's that they WILL seek the help they need without our help. When we leave the picture and just love and support whatever they do is when our son's will grow and have pride that THEY DID IT not MOM.
Good job
((( hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thanks again all - you are all so AWESOME. el-cee I can't wait 'til mine has his own place but for now I'm just happy he's under cover And you're so right Cathy! Thanks for the hugs graeful2be
Glad your here. These changes happened for my son less than a year ago. When i butted out and said no, it didnt take long for things to change. I hope your son gets the changes you all need. Enjoy your meeting.
hugs to you