Struggling - Al-Anon Family Group

NayNay · Member

Struggling

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello. Welcome to MIP. I understand your fear. I also see your strength in reaching out for help for you. My experience with active As is that as the disease progresses, things get worse for them and for you. Al-Anon meetings for all friends and family members of excessive drinkers is recommended by those of us in the program to anyone experiencing the fear and struggle of living with an active A. Come back here, too. We've been through it or are going through it, too.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Nay Nay Welcome to MIP. Your first reaction,upon hearing the news that your partner had the disease of alcoholism reflects the wisdom that is within you.

I am glad that you reached out and shared your concern and your fear. You are not alone. Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic, fatal disease over which we are powerless. Living with and attempting to cope with the disease, affects us in a negative way. We begin focusing on the alcoholic ,lose confidence in our own ability to make choices and eventually lose ourselves in the process.

AA is a recovery program for the person that drinks and Al-Anon is a recovery program for the family who has dealt with the insanity. Al-Anon tools help us to break the isolation caused by living in the disease. We do this by attending face-to-face meetings that are held in most communities. The hotline number will be found in the white pages and I urge you to search out the listing and attend. Receiving the support of people who understand his few others can is very important in learning how to readjust and grow.
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Al-Anon principles and philosophy can be practiced in all areas of our lives and the hope and recovery available to the family members is often extremely miraculous. In Al-Anon I learned that accepting that I was powerless over the disease is extremely important to my growth and my well-being. I no longer had to feel responsible for fixing a condition that I could not fix and I could turn my attention to the only place that I was responsible for---- helping my own life.

Please keep coming back here you are not alone.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

NayNay wrote:
. . I'm struggling because I know it's becoming more frequent. I'm struggling because while his behavior when drinking hasn't yet been an issue, he admitted to me in the beginning that he used to be an ass when he drank. I'm struggling because I'm scared. . . .

Hey NayNay

so glad you reached out as grateful said.....OK...u r living with him.....here is what you can look forward to if he does not stop this drinking and go go AA where he as a 15-20% chance of sucessful recovery

first the legal and job troubles b/c DUI's are punishable by heavy fines , even jail time and job troubles when hes too sick or in jail and can't report to work.....

then as the disease progresses, he begins to puke all over the place b/c his body is screaming at him "STOP you are killing me" but he doesn't hear b/ c the addiction is tightening its grip on him....

then as the disease still progresses, he begins to lose his ability to think straight, the sickness both mental and physical begin to really start to destroy him...his liver will swell and eventually bleed , he will be unable to really eat b/c his organs are suffering due to the liver disease,

then as the disease still progresses, he begins to die and if you are still with him you will need to see to it he gets his end stage-end of life care and its a grisly way to die.......

thats the short version of being with an addict who is not in recovery...they have NO chance w/out getting into rehab, AA, arresting this and NO MORE DRINKING 4 the rest of his life is the only thing that will save him....

he will put his addiction b4 you, b4 his god, b4 anything....that craving will drive him to do anything, lie, cheat, steal to get that next drink......i

So OK...what can you do for you???? you did the first step...You came here, thank god you saw the need to come here b/c if you stay w/him, even if he gets into AA and there is the low chance he gets through this, you will need to work a strong alanon program to learn how to take care of you....

in short, alanon will show you that you are 100% powerless over him and his choices and his disease.....the kindest most merciful thing you can do for BOTH of you is to LET GO......let him to his own devices.....if you want to stay and love him??? do it but DON"T help him, DONT cover for him, DONT make his drinking easy for him, in that if he gets arrested??? let him stay in jail...if he gets a stiff DUI fine?? let him pay it and if he hasn't the money??? too bad...he did this...let him suffer the consequences of his deeds....that is your only and its slim, but your only hope of his getting into recovery adn STAYING sober

YES, a few of them make it...the ones who have such a strong will to survive, they get themselves into recovery and they do make it...my sponsor is a recovering alcoholic for nearly 30 years and she STILL clings to her program and her fellow AA'rs and she makes no mistake about it....she is only sober one day at a time, but after 30 years being sober, I saw her "almost" take a drink...almost, but she didn't...she worked her program and she fought off the urge.....its always there...hiding like a spector in the shadows, this dark disease that takes so many lives and destroys so many other lives who are unfortunate enough to be living with this....

I hope there are meets in your area , alanon will help you save your life and detach from his.......IN SUPPORT

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

You can go back anytime to that first reaction to run and follow thru on it. There is no law that says you should continue to try to get a good consequence out of a bad decision. Also if you choose otherwise what helped me when I did that was to get into the Al-Anon Family Groups. What I found out about the disease in my life shocked me at first and then taught me to have a great life in spite of how I was born and raised.

Please stick around and learn more while trying to figure out what it is that you might do. Alcoholism isn't a localized small disease. This one predates the life of Christ by thousands of years and isn't going to diminish quickly.

Welcome to MIP. In support. ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

It's very important to be true to ourselves. As far as him drinking, that is his choice. If we don't like it we do not have to stay with them.

No different than if they burp out loud, that is their choice, we have no right to tell them what to do.

So we come to Al Anon to learn if we want to stay with them or not, or maybe to learn how to be able to accept them as is and look at our own lives.

The sad thing is as they cont. to drink, their whole body is being damaged. So believe me he will get worse and worse as he pickles himself. The brain can only take so much for one thing. Alcohol takes over where our bodies need water to live.

keep coming!

NayNay · Member

Thank you all for your response, and your support!

His problem is very much a family problem. My ABF is the youngest of 5 children, he was a late in life child for his parents, they were 46 and 47 when he was born and his oldest sister is 21 years older than him; she has been sober for 26 years this past August, and an older brother who has been sober for 19.

Good decision, bad decision I still haven't figured that out. He is a good man in a lot of ways, but he has one rather large problem. . . .

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.