The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So today is my first day of college,I am excited about it.I have been thinking about coming out of chaos and starting a normal routine,that is going to be different,also not getting overwhelmed and staying with my therapy and meetings,I guess finding balance.And what about sabotage,my therapist and I talked about my new choices and it will feel different and it is possible I will get discouraged,so I guess my question is how do recognize the warning signs of sabotage or going back to unhealthy behavior,that really scares me.I know I haven't exactly made healthy choices in my life.Do you ask yourself certain questions before deciding on something?I just really don't want to mess this up!
Good for you for going to college and forging a new path....your question of sabotage is rich. I don't have but a few minutes, so I will come back to this. I will say we all self sabotage, typically when we are only operating in survival mode. Of course we need to survive while we move towards thrive, simultaneously.
First day of college! Wow!!!!! Mary, others may respond to you differently but I'm going to say what I'm really thinking here. Enjoy this day and expect that you will make mistakes, you will self-sabotage at times, and your HP and program work will help you pick yourself up and start your day all over again. One of the issues that has been mine is self doubt. That creeps up when I'm trying something new or being true to myself or dealing with an active A. You have fallen down over time and you have also picked yourself up and this cycle will repeat itself from time to time. It's part of being human and its part of being alive. Do you know how many people in your position would be sitting at home crying about the past or fearing the future and doing absolutely nothing? You are not one of those people. Today, you are a woman who has raised children successfully, moved out of a situation that was harmful to you, enjoy a relationship to your sister in her home, are kind to animals and has taken a huge step in self-responsibility in changing what you can in entering a classroom and starting your life anew! That takes courage, commitment to self care and good character. Good for you.
Like Paula said, I try to stay close to my HP when I am in survival mode and that comes and goes for me (the survival part, not the HP part). You are in recovery and I think you need to trust yourself that you are learning what the red flags in your life are, you are learning what boundaries are, and what it means to be true to yourself. Just keep doing the next right thing and I'm sure you will find yourself making healthier choices. Congratulations on starting college, that's awesome!!!
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Its so exciting, embarking on your journey. I agree with grateful, enjoy this moment or time in your life. Your never going to be perfect, i also struggle with that one, there are going to be ups and down. Working the steps will strengthen your program and provide you with the self awareness and tools to help.
Thanks to everyone and I understand what you mean about being in survival mode and making choices out of panic ,so now that I am not doing that I believe it will be different,I will have time to think things through and my nerves won't be shot!
To keep it simple, I ask me if I am following my inner guidance. If I am not sure, I talk it over with a person I trust. I make sabotaging choices when I care too much of what others think, when I am trying to be somebody I am not, when I want to eat foods that I cant digest easily, when I say yes to invitations of people I don't really care to spend time with, etc etc. This is a time of celebration for your courage to change the things you can and did....
Mary! How awesome about going back to school! I really appreciate your question. I find myself falling back into old mindsets/behaviors often, but for me personally, the thing that really helps is being in close relationship to God (my higher power) and really praying about things before I react. This doesn't always work, but I feel like we are forever learning and will never achieve perfection in any aspects of life while on this earth. The good thing is that you remain aware of these things, and knowing what can happen might keep you from actually going there. You are going to do great things...believe it!
