How do you know its the end of alcholism? New Member - Al-Anon Family Group

acousy34 · Newbie

How do you know its the end of alcholism? New Member

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Im sorry your going through this. I can only imagine how you feel right now. Im not sure about an answer to your question. Im sure someone will be of more help but i do know that there is help for you. Alanon helps people affected by someone elses drinking. I hope you can get yourself to a meeting.x

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. I cannot tell you if your Mom will survive - especially with a damaged liver as extensively as your Mom's is damaged. I can tell you that there is hope for you. One of my brothers has cirrhosis. He also has other issues. There is nothing any of us can do or not do about him or about his chronic conditions except pray for him. I am glad you have family members who are with you. I suggest that if you are not already attending Al-Anon meetings for friends and family members of people with this disease that you find a meeting in your area and start attending sooner rather than later. Like my brother, there is really nothing you can do for your Mom other than to pray for her and have compassion for her. As a Mom myself, if I were that sick, I would want to know that my children understand that I love them deeply and yet I can't seem to overcome the effects of the disease. I'd also want to know that they will take good care of themselves and that they will do all they can to get the help they need for the ways this disease has hurt them, too. If I were your Mom, sick as I was, I would also want you to know how sorry I am for not being able to have been the mother I really wanted to be to you and that this disease was nobody's fault; that I hate it as much as you do. I might not be able to say those words anymore because I am so sick, but as a Mother myself, I know that I'd want to say them and that they'd come deeply from my heart to yours. I'd want you to know that you were my treasure and that I loved you very much. I just couldn't show it to you sometimes in ways that I wanted to do it. I've been too sick to do it for a long, long time. I want you to know, too, that I am proud of who you are and who you've become and that you will always be one of the greatest joys of my life. If I could speak, I might also suggest that you emulate those things you learned from me that work for you and that you drop doing those things you saw in me that didn't work. I might tell you everything I remember that delights me about you and I'm smile with all the tenderness and affection and love that I have within me at you because you are my daughter and because I'm grateful that you exist.

I am not your Mom but I am a person who has experienced firsthand the devastation of this disease, too many times to count. Al-Anon has been a great help to me in overcoming the effects of this disease on my life and the lives of those I love. I do hope you will attend meetings to gain the education and the support of people who have experienced what you are experiencing or are experiencing it, too. Keep coming back here, too. We also have on-line meetings. Information about them are at the top of this board on the left.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 3rd of January 2015 06:17:22 PM

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

hello and welcome to mip

i am not a doctor, but reading your posts, and her now symptoms, if she does IMMEDIATELY and FOREVER stop the drinking, MAYBE she can live a while more??? with liver damage that bad, it doesn't look, in my opinion, very good....my alcoholic mother died when her liver couldn't take anymore abuse...she began bleeding from the rectal area and it was over within a couple of months....

so sorry you are having to deal wiht this....the "is there any hope" i would ask the doctors , but really, noone knows when the body is "done", are there any alanon meetings near you to get some support???? there are others, i am sure, who have experienced this or close to it....

she does sound end stage to me...yea, they can "rally" her w/ fluids, and comfort , palliative treatment, but thats about all.....there IS hope for YOU...and it is alanon....you have been impacted by this...her drinking has caused you emotional harm to the enth degree, I am sure, as all of us here have family members living and deceased who impacted us....alanon is a great support community where there is understanding and acceptance of eaach member and we all have our painful issues to deal with.....

I hope you can have a meaningful chat with your mom while she still lives....something meaningful....I am sure she didn't go to bed at night and pray to be an addict....Nobody wants this for themselves or their loved ones......not deep inside.....i remember to try and get love from my mother, i drank w/her.....she never expressed any sorrow to me for her aactions.....she just thought of herself, and it left me w/a lot of anger and resentment, but now, looking back, she was unable, in her state of mind to even help herself, so how could she help me???? i don't 4give a lot of stuff she did, but i no longer hate her or curse her name...i just figure her disease was hers and not about me....some of them make amends to their family members...some do not...

so if she doesn't say anything to you re: sorrow for what she has done, don't take it personally b/c they are in the grips of this darkness and many times, too many times they lose their lives over it......

its hard for me to read your post and the suffering you must be going through...all i can say is that you did not cause this...you will never control this and you never will cure this.....this is her path, her life experience, her journey and so please don't even think it has anything to do w/you.......

so sorry....i do hope you two can have a meaningful chat and soon...meantime, alanon and its support extends its arms out to you to give you the support you will need no matter what her outcome is.....i don't know at what point is it "over" as far as when they die, but if she takes another drink, for sure , she will die.....wish i could say it more smooth for you, but i cannot....it is what it is.....sooo sad to see the suffering this addiction causes on its innocent victims.....i never used to be able to feel any compassion for an addict...i figured it was their choice and to heck with them, but i don't feel that way anymore.....i do feel compassion for any human being locked in the darkness of addiction bc as I said...i am willing to bet that none of them intended to get so hooked on the stuff that they kill themselves slowly and harm their loved ones.......

please find a face to face meet near you and reach out...there are folks there who can help you get your life back.....so often we "absorb" their karma as ours and we pay a high price , so unnecessarily until we understand in our hearts that their problems have NOTHING to do with us.......

sending you SUPPORT hugs.....

-- Edited by neshema2 on Saturday 3rd of January 2015 06:25:22 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi acoussy Welcome Iam sorry to read of how far the disease of alcoholism has progressed in your mom. It is a dreadful progressive disease over which we are powerless. She is being cared for in the appropriate setting so that prayers for her recovery is a great way to help her.

If you are not already attending alanon for your own mental health, and support, I urge you to search our face to face meetings held in your community and attend. It is here I was able to break the isolation caused by living with the disease and receive the support, love, compassion and empathy from others who truly understood.

I will hold positive thoughts and say many prayers for mom and the entire family

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Acousy and welcome to the board...come stay with us and check in daily cause you are not alone and while not all of us have share the exact experience which you...and your mom are going thru today we have experiences to share with you that can and will help if you let them. If you are not attending Al-Anon right now you can check for meetings at the face site of afg.org. They list registered meetings all around the globe. Come sit with us.

Honestly it sounds like your Mom knows that she is end-stage alcoholic and is beyond perplexed that she hasn't been able to moderate or control her drinking. By now she must know that alcoholism is a compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body (doctors have told her and you that part) and that it isn't curable; it can only be arrested by total abstinence. If it isn't arrested it will progress into insanity and eventually death. It sounds as if she is in the natural progression of the disease. Alcohol is a solvent and therefore it destroys the body as a solvent does. It affects every organ in the body and doesn't even need to get into the stomach to start the wreckage. The wreckage starts in the brain.

There are miracles. I have a sponsee who's mother just go 100 or so days again alcohol free and is attending AA meetings. She had 10 years prior to relapsing and then went into the downward spiral of constant drinking 24/7. When I met her we would talk while she held on to her glass of votka. She could not stand or walk without help and her son had to tend her like an infant. She tried rehabbing and somehow that mysteriously rejected her only in part because she was too toxic and now here today she had 100 days clean and free from mind and mood altering substances. Its a miracle...non...ITS A FREAKING MIRACLE cause outside of the will of and attendance of a power greater than herself she might be dead. I understand that myself because I also live on "borrowed" time by mercy and margin and the grace of a power much much more greater than myself

Can it happen? It has already and part of the process is surrendering her to a Higher Power greater than yourself...loving her unconditionally and keeping hooked up with us and the Al-Anon Family Groups. You could also sit in on open AA meetings to try to understand more about the disease from that angle.

My prayers have started for you and your mom. Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

Katrina324 · Veteran Member

Hi, my name is Katrina,
I'm a hospice nurse, and what you are telling me about your mother sounds like end stage liver failure. It is common for the body to become toxic when the liver is failing. I hope and pray for her and you and your family that this is not the case. Yes, there are miracles, but the body can only take so much abuse. Please take care of yourself, be with your mother, let her know you love her.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

For me I would focus on the moments and be with her as much as I can. Not looking beyond that. No one knows how long anyone has.

Living and seeing what is in front of you for me is a huge key in my life. I "be" where I am. Love who I am with, forgive, feel my serenity.

Be there, so when she does pass, you won't say oh it went too fast.

But what i wouldn't give for just ten more minutes with my husband.....hugs honey

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