In my case, as sick as my x was, I knew intuitively that no matter who he dated or married, it was me that he would return to at different times. He asked me when we were first divorced if I would be there with him if he was very sick or dying. I told him that he lost the privilege of that when he treated me so poorly. In the end, I was with him long distance through my son when he was dying although none of us knew it at the time. Both my son and my x thought he had the flu, so I gave ideas on what my son could do to help his Dad recover better. My son was sharing with his Dad what I was saying except for the part when I told my son that if he saw no improvement to call an ambulance no matter what his Dad said. He did see improvement when his Dad got up to go to work one day later and then found him in the shower dead of a heart attack. My "x's" last words to me were "Thanks for caring," through our son. As I worked on myself and my own life, his calls, etc weren't upsetting to me. I did love him and he loved me to the best of our ability. Unfortunately, his mental health issues and his alcoholism tore us apart. That didn't totally disrupt the love we did have for each other. I think in our own ways, we both knew we had to free the other although it was me who took the action step. And there might have been times when each of us missed the other but didn't act on that missing in ways that brought us back together as a couple. That ship had sailed.