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Ok so taking everyone's advice I decided that today's the day and I found a meeting in my town that's on tonight so I told him I will b going out he asked where and I was very reluctant to tell him where but I did in the end!!! What a mistake!!!!! I am not allowed to go as he might know someone there!!! I tried to explain it's just for support because I don't know what I'm doing he's now gone mental and somehow I am ramming it down his throat!!!! This is the guy that I left alone for a few hours yesterday only to get a call from him to say he had to work last night but actually it was a big fat lie!!!!! He got pissed in the day went to bed woke up at 11pm and got pissed again!!!!!! I just want to scream!!!!! I'm trapped in this God awful marriage and I hate him!!!!! X x
Lizzie, he cant not let you go. Your a grown woman, an adult. How did he stop you going? Did he block the exit or hold you down? If so that is abuse and you should call the police. Or did he use the typical alcoholic manipulatiin and guilt? They are very good at it. Now you know, he cant handle the truth so maybe you could give it a couple of days and tell him your going to a book club, or a womens group. Both these things are kind of true. Or, maybe just go, if hes not in a mood about one thing the chances are something else you do will put him in a bad mood, is there much of a difference one way or another? There was no difference in house. Poor him, blah nlah, his privacy, talking about him behind hjs back. I can hear it now. If hes violent then thats another story.
Also, an active alcoholic doesnt care about privacy and anonymity, that doesnt exist when they are drinking so dont let him kid you that you would be the one outing him. Go for it lizzie. It was the best move most of us here made. The good stuff you hear here, thats alanon, the sanity and logic and rational thinking, thats alanon.
The disease doesn't want you to go because it doesn't want any changes. It wants to keep on doing what it has always done and that is to destroy your AH and you. His raging, sleeping, missing work - all of it is the disease at work in him and in your life. Your staying home is also the disease at work. It won this battle but there will be another meeting and if you keep going you will get better at identifying the disease at work as it controls from behind the scenes wanting you to see the bad behavior but not the cause for the bad behavior - the disease of alcoholism. The antidote for you is Al-Anon.
It might feel like you're trapped and you aren't. You can't take care of yourself and please the disease or your AH, too. First things first is to see the help available to you and go for it if there is no threat of physical violence against you and only a bunch of hot air from the disease ushering through his sick mind and body. Just like a tantruming toddler, turn your back on the tantrums and do the something else that will benefit you. The disease will never agree that you need the help of Al-Anon but we do because we've lived this and recognize the disease at work.
No physical abuse just making life difficult but I hear what u r saying and it makes perfect sense I will go regardless of the consequences I need sanity!!!!! X x
Good for you, Lizzie. You should go. I have been going to meetings for 3 years now and my AH never liked it. He usually just scoffed at it, made fun of it, cracked snarky comments at me when I was out the door, or he completely ignores me when I say, "I'm going to my meeting, see you later." I get a man staring at the TV, no eye contact. So, I leave.
And, I do think meetings will help you with sanity and they will help you know that you are not alone. Hugs to you, I know this is hard but you can do it!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
