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Hi Everyone I had a lesson in :Lettting go and Letting God this week My brother broke his hip last week after a fall in his home. He lives alone and it took him 4 hours to reach the telephone to call for help. He has had a surgery an been transferred to a rehab near his home. I have talked to him several times and sent an "Edible Arrangements" fruit gift to cheer him. All last week all I heard is" I am leaving, I hate this place , they will not let me drink , give me pain pills and I am going home, I didn't react, said I would pray for a quick recovery and did not go visit. and hung up. Talked to him today, he is more reasonable said he is the worst patient in the rehab and his room mate is the nicest so they balance it out . Said he had a great PT workout and would like me to visit. Told him I would be there after 3 when I find the right rain that can get me there. I was just checking schedules when his son called and is picking me up tomorrow for the visit Thank you HP ---It all happens in Your time not mine
I so appreciate you sharing this experience with all of us, Betty. It is such a good example of healthy interaction with a family member who is having trouble being at his best, letting God guide, and knowing for sure God wants you there because S/He's even sending a driver for you. Love this. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this Betty. Such a good example of letting go. You knew exactly what to say and how to say it. You gave him time and space which seems like exactly what he needed.
I'm praying for your brother's recovery.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Its so true, if it feels right in a smooth way, its hps will usually. If its jaggy and difficult its a warning, the time isnt right. Hope your brother recovers well hotrod.x
My visit with my bother was fine He was his usual controlling bossy self and I was my detached, compassionate, kind self. His one son is a policeman and the other is a fireman and both were there today and they know how to handle him well .
He was complaining about not liking the service etc going home etc and I suggested that he let go of control and stop trying to manage everything and he looked at me rather sadly and said :"I do not know how to do that." I believe that to be very true, This disease is so destructive.
Thanks again for your support
I'm glad he is recovering with no complications and that your visit went well with a post surgery patient who is also bossy and controlling. Perhaps his awareness of what he doesn't know to do will lead to acceptance and then guided action? Miracles can happen as you know at any time. You know the solution if he wants to listen. Maybe he will also remember he is in rehab and not a hotel?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 30th of December 2014 09:34:40 PM
All last week all I heard is" I am leaving, I hate this place , they will not let me drink , give me pain pills and I am going home, I didn't react, said I would pray for a quick recovery and did not go visit. and hung up. Talked to him today, he is more reasonable said he is the worst patient in the rehab and his room mate is the nicest so they balance it out . Said he had a great PT workout and would like me to visit. Told him I would be there after 3 when I find the right rain that can get me there. I was just checking schedules when his son called and is picking me up tomorrow for the visit Thank you HP ---It all happens in Your time not mine
WOW, Betty, love the way you got off the hone, no meanness, just prayer for quick recovery......glad he calmed down and also that his son is coming to take you......ya know?? this should be a lesson for him......you get more flies with honey than ya do with vinegar......put out good energy---get good energy......but if he is not in an active program, you know he aint ready to learn......so sad.....hope you have a nice visit with him........HUGS of support and yea, all things as and when they are meant to be, LOL.......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thank you Betty for sharing from your personal life with us. Praying that your brother heals quickly! I love the way you use the program in all that you do!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Betty on my first post, I did the "LOL" thingy over the way you described him as a patient....I was not laughing at the situation, and i agree...You embody the steps and the program....
I WANNA BE LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Betty if he can admit openly that he doesn't know how to do it maybe a recovery gift on the subject of acceptance or letting go or some stuff like that..your choice...now that he can easily remember what he responded with to his wise sister...our wise sister also. ((((hugs))))
Hi MIP Family . I appreciate all your warm thoughts and kind words. My FOO really believes that I am over the top as far as my reaction to alcohol is concerned. They appear to humor me but continue to do as they please.
I just must remember to let go and detach I have given each of them an huge supply of literature over the years and they tell me they gave it away to fiends who "Really Need it" They do not need it.
.I have learned that my brother now has quart of gin and a bottle of tonic stashed away in this closet at the hospital . This is intended to keep him from driving everyone insane. My sister thinks it if funny that he is breaking the rules and "Fooling everyone in the hospital"-- I began to argue with the insanity of this but stopped said the serenity prayer and hung up.
Sister...that is exactly how I was taught to do it...without expectations and the best I could with what I had. I remember being at my brother Bob"s home during the time of my Step Fathers internment and one morning looking in his phone book for the hotline number for AA so I could get myself to a meeting while there. He asked me what I was looking for and I told him and I got his denial reaction...a beauty "You are NOT AN ALCOHOLIC"!!! he erupted and while I found the number he also knew where the meeting was (LOL...surprise) and after I called the number and found the time I asked him to sit down so that I could tell him about just one weekend in his brothers life where I live that he just happened to be here at the time. He got very quiet after I told him and I didn't tell him for him I did it for me..."To thine own self be true" is the instruction. He took me to the meeting which was grace on his part because it was within easy walking distance of his home. Gratitude was all that was required. You done good...very good. Its what you do naturally. ((((hugs))))
I so understand the futility of arguing with FOO on the subject of enabling and contributing to the alcoholism in a loved one. It's sad to me that your brother could be so honest with you and then somebody handed him booze which they see to be the solution to their discomfort. Fortunately, you know your own powerlessness over them, too, and hung up. I've been accused of being "nun like" in my FOO because I won't at least have a glass of wine after a hard day of seeing our strong and vibrant father lying in a hospital bed with no movement on his entire left side and tied up with tubes and monitors due to a stroke as each sibling gets more and more drunk as if my having a glass of wine will make reality go away. I think I understand on a feeling level what it is like to be a sister watching her brother being given the poison that might have led to his fall in the first place so that others won't have to deal with his withdrawal and begging for what is killing him. I'm happy for you in that you know not to hand him a drink or argue with your sibs and detached. Prayers for all, Betty.
Said he had a great PT workout and would like me to visit. Told him I would be there after 3 when I find the right rain that can get me there. I was just checking schedules when his son called and is picking me up tomorrow for the visit Thank you HP ---It all happens in Your time not mine 
