The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Expectations are premeditated resentments. I am talking about unrealistic expectations.
To have absolutely no expectations breeds hopelessness. I am talking about unrealistic expectations as the causes for resentments.
Can I expect my loyal family of choice to be there for me most of the time?? Sure. Based on their track record. Can I expect an honorable client to pay me for my work?? Again. Yes.
Do I expect toxic/abusive people to change?? Nope that is unreasonable expectation. I have learned this over the years in alanon....Keep the expectations low or reasonable and I have more peace of mind, way less resentment..........Never heard a word from Daughter #2 over the holidays, I already made plans for my NY, gonna hang out with friends next door, after fun at the pool...I am not angry/disappointed b/c I had no expectations of her.....All is ok in my world b/c I don't have unreasonable expectations...At least most of the time , anyway. LOL
Just saying
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
This gives me more to chew on regarding expectations. I do have them and I recognize when I have them. When I make a choice to see them as non personal, my pride stays out of the way and I dont say or do dis empowering things.
Great share Rosie I can expect the sun to come up in the morning, my alanon meeting to be there when I arrive,and the train schedule to be acorrect. What alanon has given me is the tools to respond and not react when my expectation are not met . even the very dependable ones. :)
I do not have to react, take it as an offense against me , be flesible and adjust msyelf to the reality of what is going on. It works and my serenity stays in tact.
Learning to ask myself about my expectations for certain people and whether they are reasonable really, really helped me avoid catastrophes during the holiday. My AD is in the hospital for emotional problems, is about to make another disastrous decision; how can my expectations for something better be realistic when she behaves in the same way as before? It is impossible for anything to get better if she does not do what she has to do to make it so.
I like this share. When I read it I was reminded of when I first step through the doors of Al-Anon. I needed help, and I expected Al-Anon to help me. I didn't know how. I had no idea what Al-Anon was at that time other than being a program for family and friends of alcoholics. I had expectations otherwise I would not have gone. However, would my expectations have been met if I had not put forth effort in working the program? Now my expectations are shifting from the program to myself. The program has given me the tools and support to get better, but I have work to do.
unrealistic expectations of myself-- I have had to learn to not have these. Page 76 in C2C has helped me with this. "Progress can be hard to recognize, especially if our expectations are unrealistically high. If we expect our negative attitudes and unhealthy behavior to change quickly and completely, we are likely to be disappointed--progress is hard to see when we measure ourselves against idealized standards. Perhaps it is better to compare our present circumstances only to where we have been in the past."
I'm not where I want to be yet, but thank God and Al-Anon I'm not where I used to be.
Thanks for sharing, neshema
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
The share works well for me also N. It is right on. I let others teach me what and how I can expect from them and then on I go. Don't even want to start bringing up examples. (((hugs)))
I to like this share , I always set my expectations to high and find myself hurting over things I am powerless over !!! I now accept that i am powerless over others actions and can move forward and away from those who hurt me much easier ... although i don`t feel that my expectations are unrealistic or even unfair those who mattered to me that chose to continue in poor behavior even after I ask or let them know that the actions they are taking are hurtful to me have now lost my respect and friendship because I can not control, change or cure them but I can myself ,,, and I am learning to do just that ,,,
Great topic and program work! Expectations. I am noticing that I forever need to take inventory regarding expectations. As difficult as it is to not have them, they tend to sneak in under the radar. Acceptance. Seeing things as they are and believing it without an attachment to a particular outcome... and without fear creeping in- so much practice, practice, practice!
