The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been going through so many changes in my life lately, I feel overwhelmed.Some days I freeze into a little ball on my couch afraid to move.I felt that way yesterday,I nearly talked myself out of going to college.I thought maybe it was too much for me, or I couldn't do it.Or I am too old.I won't be able to study.I think that is the negativity in my head trying to pull me back.I think that is what I am most afraid of,going backwards,being self-destructive.I have been reading a lot of posts about acting out and I guess I never realized I have done that a lot in my life.When I am angry I punish myself with some bad decision.I don't want to listen to fear anymore,I want to do something positive in my life,but the doubt is pretty strong that I will be able to do it.
I so get this. I have managed to overcome a lot of fear, anger, hopelessness and other self destructive emotions over the past 12 months or so, by using this combination of slogans that seems to work for me. It's 'let go and let HP" (as in I give up trying to create an outcome and let go of everything I can't control and just trust that it will work out for the best) and "do the next right thing". So as an example if i was feeling overwhelmed and not wanting to go to college (which is a regular occurence for me too) I would end up all miserable and agonising over whether I should give up college entirely, does that mean I have to work in a supermarket for the rest of my life, what will my daughter think, I never finish anything I start, I might as well just get in bed and stay there forever.....you know, basically turning a small thing into a huge insurmountable mountain of major decisions and projected regrets that make me feel even more overwhelmed or afraid. It used to get quite crippling. So I would turn all of it over to HP and just focus very very small...talking myself through it..."have a shower now Mel, it doesn't mean you are going to class today it just means having a shower. Eat something healthy now, if you still want to go back to bed after that you can, get dressed, put on makeup now, don't worry about the rest of the day....now go to class, if you don't want to stay you can turn around and come home again"...you know sort of just living 5 minutes at a time and asking myself "now what's the next right thing?" and limiting myself to very small decisions one after the other. That's the sort of trick I used to get myself to go to my driving lessons, do my drivers test (I was terrified of driving, still am a lot of the time), move into this place with strangers and not live with A anymore, I find it a really good way to deal with the overwhelming stuff, especially fear. My driving instructor actually inspired this line of thinking, I was panicking one day and telling her I wanted to pull over and give up because 'it's hopeless, I can't control my nerves" and she said ".the problem is that you are constantly worrying about what will happen if something goes wrong later instead of letting yourself learn. Right now you have the opportunity to let me teach you how to drive but instead you are just thinking about what might go wrong later on when we get out into traffic. Stop it, trust that I won't let anything bad happen and concentrate on RIGHT NOW. Talk me through everything you are doing" and she got me to talk through every move I made..."'m starting the engine, I'm putting on my indicator, I'm....."
Sorry, I think I just used a lot of words to describe the idea of "living in the moment" lol, a simple concept for most people. But I'm 38 and I have only just learned how to do this so I think it's a really cool trick, lol! Never mind about the fear that you won't be able to do "something positive" in your life, just focus on the next right thing...and then the next...and before you know it you're doing positive things all over the place!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Monday 29th of December 2014 12:22:48 PM
-- Edited by missmeliss on Monday 29th of December 2014 12:40:34 PM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Today, you are making wise choices in recognizing ways you'd like to heal and to grow and reaching out for support. You have been through a lot and are healing nicely.
Prayers Mary. Please keep remembering that we only need to keep showing up and taking the next right action one day at a time. The serenity prayer repeated often helped me and I was amazed when I looked back over the year and saw how much I had accomplished by just living one day at a time and taking the next right action. I'm glad that you completed your documents and now it's time to celebrate.
Prayers Mary. Please keep remembering that we only need to keep showing up and taking the next right action one day at a time. The serenity prayer repeated often helped me and I was amazed when I looked back over the year and saw how much I had accomplished by just living one day at a time and taking the next right action. I'm glad that you completed your documents and now it's time to celebrate.
Oh Mary, the SERENITY prayer and deep breathing...and like Betty says, "taking the next right action ONE day at a time" oh i can relate to you....its scary...change...self care/improvement....its scary, but i "invite" my fears and it dissipates (fear) when I do that....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Mary, I understand how you feel. I went back to school after my kids were grown. I sat in classes with kids that were my son's age. It can be scary but you can do it. Take one day at a time. Focus on the moment. Don't project. Don't do "what ifs." Just focus on the here and now.
You are taking the first step to making your life better. You are breaking down the walls that have you boxed in, and we are all your cheerleaders.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
I find myself very often in my life saying to myself under my breath - yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; along with "I did not give you a spirit of fear" - these two thoughts help push me into things I want to do but find myself afraid of.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I love Likemyheart's response because it is close to the practice I also do. Practice, practice, practice is part of my program; big part. I learn I practice. I was given a acronym definition of FEAR which I work whenever fear pops thru the emotions door. FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. I check out the evidence and how not real it is and then move on to the opposite of fear...for me which is love. When I get into the attitude of love...false evidence doesn't even try to come thru the door and self love is part of the practice so I do good stuff for, to and with myself...Love also happens (importantly) to be the formal name of HP...God is Love and for me God always ...is. It works when I work it. Great post ((((hugs))))
