MsM. I am glad you have these two weeks to find a suitable place. I do agree ,you were given this current spot so daughter could finish school and now it is time to move on . You deserve your own space and computer. Prayers and positive energy on the way

It would bother me to be living in a house with pot that I'm breathing in as is my daughter. I hope you find an affordable place that is suitable for you and your daughter soon.

They smoke outside Catherine, I wouldn't stay here with my child if it was full of pot smoke. I've just noticed big changes in their demeanors since he returned and they started smoking together. When I first moved in she told me he had quit the pot and it was a big deal as he had some kind of breakdown and she had quit too in support or something. Anyway it isn't my business what they do but the vibe is pretty negative and unhealthy. It will be nice to live in a place where I don't feel unwelcome as soon as I walk in the door. I look forward to that very much.

Mel, im sorry its turned out this way mel. It could be your hp is pushing you once again towards your mother. I found that until i dealt with dysfunction properly it continued to be in my life. This could be the key to further progress, a chance for you to use your tools and put your family firmly in their place in terms of your serenity. You could view thjs as a challenge, a way for you to maintain your inner peace and set firm boundaries with your mother and siblings. Detach with love, set healthy calm clear boundaries, show that wee daughter just how to do it. We are here for you.x

I'm not at all unhappy that it's time to go, we had always agreed early January and i am well and truly sick of being in someone elses home and sharing a room with my travelling circus, believe me! I'm just...imagining the worst I guess. I'm so tired of the constant uncertainty and worry.. And I'm sad that things have been so hostile, I had hoped we would be friends after I moved out.

I'm sure it will come together one way or another.

Mel, a lot of your stressors seem due to financial reasons. You are not as emotionally dependent and have worked hard to get that way...no longer having all the coda issues and you are more empowered interpersonally it seems. It's going to take some sacrificing of some sort to get a career going where you are then able to have more options when these types of problems arise. I think that will help tremendously though I know it will take time. I suggest plow through whatever curriculum you have chosen so you can start earning more of your own money with a career. It's not a quick fix I know, but I can see if you had more means, you would be able to detach so much easier from all these people. You have come so far with removing 2 HUGE obstacles to your success (the A and now being able to drive)....next - finish school, get a great job and your life is going to look a whole lot different. I can see it happening in the big scheme for you. Just keep your eyes on the prize long term. Trust the process.

My observations tell me that my housemate lady person was on a bit of an 'upswing" in her own journey when she invited me here. Her son (who is a really nice young guy but has significant drug issues) had moved out and she was very happy and up-beat, singing and joking and lots of fun to be around for weeks after I moved in. It was his room that we moved into and she suggested she'd love to make it more permanent, that she'd love to have "us girls" here long term and we were planning gardening projects and all kinds of things. It was nice but my radar did tell me something was off, I can't quite explain it but I am learning more and more that my radar is actually very good, i just need to learn to not dismiss it. So anyway he stayed for a week or so and she became very unfriendly and it was a bit of a shock, and then he left again and she returned to being all smiles and loving "us girls" to pieces. And now son is back and she almost spits with rage when she has to speak to me and I'm really not exaggerating, its quite awful.

Anyway there is some really severe damage to this house; holes in the plaster walls and the glass back door is smashed and covered in tape, another door is off its hinges and splintered and she told me that before her son left he had a big drug crazed party here one night and they had smashed up the house and it had been really terrible and traumatic and she was still recovering from the trauma. I always thought they were so peaceful and calm! And he had subsequently quit the drugs and moved out and was doing well and so was she and all of that was behind them now...well, I guess I arrived during a honeymoon period. Yes alarm bells did go off for me but I was low on alternatives so, I did what good codies do and chose to buy the whole 'its in the past now" story.

So now he is back, living on the couch and waiting for me to vacate his room, and he has friends over constantly and I note that he has been buying his mum pot and they smoke together and at first she seemed happy but now she's just angry and yelling at him all the time and she's really unpleasant and I can't even remember what it was like to see her smile; she's so angry and preoccupied and irritable and i sense some real nastiness from her that wasn't there before. I feel as though she really hates me. . I think she missed him a lot when he wasn't here, they seem to be pretty emeshed with each other but now he has moved back and she has to deal with everything that comes with loving an addict..and now he's not smoking pot with mum and being all close with her but instead he has his friends here to get high with and i think that's really making her mad . It's a bit of a trainwreck from where I am standing. But that's me taking everyone else's inventory and that wasn't what i set out to do here, I was just trying to give my perspective of the dynamic so that I could share what i am learning from it all....because there is a big fat lesson here for me and it struck me this afternoon when i was hiding in my room listening to her go off at her son and then backpedal and apologise when he got angry. It was so much like one of my arguments with A....I had a bit of an 'aha" moment.

I DO know that this isnt any of my business. Her journey, her relationship with her son, none of it has anything to do with me and I am not going to take the hostility personally either because I get it. It rings a lot of bells for me. My only part in this is to honor what we initially agreed and move on from here now that daughter's school year has ended. I appreciate what she has done for me and now i have no ill-will and just want to move on now and hope that we part as friends.
The reason I mention it is, to watch the changes in her from an outsider's perspective is SO eye-opening to me. That is what I am like, to my daughter, my few friends, my siblings. When i am away from A, i am positive and laugh and have fun and sing and enjoy life and sometimes miss him but mostly I just live life. As soon as I allow him back in I am MEAN! Angry and irritable and hurt and completely preoccupied. And when i am in the midst of it I dont even consider how it might make people around me feel, because the pain i feel when i try to coexist with him overshadows EVERYTHING. So it dawned on me today that it must be quite difficult for my child, and others who like and care about me to watch me play out the multiple personality disorder that is loving an addict. It never even occured to me before which is sort of sad.

Anyway the point is I think it has been a really cool and enlightening lesson for me to observe this from the outside and feel just how difficult and hurtful it is to have a caring relationship with someone who really is completely absorbed with an addict and acts almost entirely in reaction to that person. I am finding it painful and this is just a lady I know hardly at all and for only a short time. What must it be like to be the family member or loved one of someone who is obsessed with an addict? Maybe we need an alanonanon lol. I'm not really kidding, I have spent the past 2 years learning to care about myself and the effects of loving an addict on me...but today I think I have a glimmer of the effects my illness has on those that love me. And it makes me very determined to never go backwards and never lose sight of my program or the very important place it has in my life.

I think it's a pretty important lesson because twice now i have gone and spent a weekend with A, and both times I have come back angry and irritable and frustrated and hurt and I know i have been absorbed by my own pain and quite bitchy and unfriendly to daughter for a day or so afterwards. How is that different from drinking and then being irritable and hungover?

Does this make sense at all because I don't think I'm articulating it very well. I just think, there was an important lesson for me to learn by being here and I'm grateful for it.
Ugh, why do I always have to use so many words????

I think your HP put you in that house for a purpose.  Look at the insight you have gained from "watching" the family's dynamics.  Wow.  I had never really thought about it before, but I am sure that after being around my AH while he has a "slip" leaves me the same as you...  Powerful post Melly.