The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got news today that my grandson has been discharged from detox and is going to an SLE - within 5 minutes of the phone call, I wanted to start rescuing by bringing him bedding, towels, clothes, etc. Instead, I called someone from an Alanon phone list and was able to let go and have some faith that this is HIS recovery - and none of my business, really.
He told me a couple of things that might have me obsessing, but I am letting them go . . . I have to keep telling myself that this is all up to him and his higher power. I have to pray and surround him with light and love and take care of myself.
I COULD say a lot of negative things and worry, etc. I am purposely not doing that.
I had a couple of really painful days last week when I let my negative thoughts get the best of me. I am convinced now that my work is to keep my vibration high - not to sink down into the pit of worry and resentment and "what if's." I just want to be strong and live in the light, myself.
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"All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
Edgar Allan Poe
Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream.
It doesn't come naturally - I have to work at it. It helps when I am not in a terrible mood.
Self-care is very important in me being able to have any stability. Last week, I had a low mood and then spiraled down . . . I eventually went and got a massage. That helped a lot.
It's not just deciding one day and that's it . . .it takes constant vigilance . . . I hope I am up for the task.
It's good to have some place to process this stuff.
I was lucky that the person I spoke with on the phone today was just the right person I needed to speak with.
__________________
"All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
Edgar Allan Poe
Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream.
Yes, my HP must have guided me. I had never used that phone list before and was thinking all kinds of crazy things - like "should I do this" or "should I do that?" I don't know the person - never met her - never heard her speak - but she was just the right person and had the right words for me.
One day at a time is not easy for me because I can't predict what is going to influence my moods, and if I have a bad mood, it is hard to think straight and do what is necessary.
I have to remember my tools and mostly that my grandson is on his own path and that I can't help him except to pray for him and me. I have to remind myself that he has a HP and I'm not it (I have been known to get confused about that) - that it is not my job to rescue him and that it is not helpful to him or me to do so.
I have to tell myself that he has tools and resources available to him (mentors, free long-term rehab possibilities, "other" that I don't know about, etc.)
__________________
"All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
Edgar Allan Poe
Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream.
Good work O and I love the post cause it reminded me of a question my former counselor asked when I was feeling unappreciated for the support I was trying to give to the alcoholics in my life. It was, "What do you suppose it feels like to be loved by you"? That one brought tears and a determination to find out the answer.
So what do you suppose it feels like to be loved by Ohno? (((((hugs)))))
I have no idea what it feels like - I guess it depends on my energy during any particular transaction. If it is frantic and fearful, it would not feel good.
I had a dream last night in which my grandson came to me and gave me the warmest hug. It was really nice.
-- Edited by ohno on Saturday 27th of December 2014 12:56:44 PM
__________________
"All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
Edgar Allan Poe
Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream.
What you did was good for you and him. Just remember he will ask for help when he's reado and he can do something for himself without family's inference. Let him be proud of himself. Hugs
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
hi ohno. Your post put me in the mind of ownership. First of all taking ownership is taking responsibility for what belongs to you. Your grandson's recovery is his and he will have to take ownership for it. That's his responsibility. The more ownership he takes, the more pride he will have for his recovery. It has taken me a long time to understand this, and it takes a lot of practice to actually work it. As mothers and grandmothers, we are natural nurturers. We want to fix what is broken. I'm thinking about all the skinned knees and boo boos we mended when our children were small. It's hard to admit that alcoholism and drug addictions are not boo boos that we can make better.
I do that "what ifs" you are talking about. I have to really work hard to live in the moment and not project. I remind myself that anything worth having doesn't come easy. My recovery is mine. I'm taking ownership for it. It's my responsibility to work it. When I slip and am not working it, I can tell it. I think this is my HP telling me to get my behind back on track.
Take care of you ohno, and let God take care of your grandson.
Maybe that dream you had about your grandson is a preview of what's to come. There's always hope.
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Look for the rainbow after the storm, and I'm sending you a double dose of HOPE. H-hold O-on P-pain E-ends
Yes, living in the moment is key. It is a practice.
My grandson's recovery is his own.
I got confused because he was so young when we first sent him to rehab (just 18) and we (the family) were encouraged to "help" in certain ways (attend family "counseling" - which wasn't really counseling, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms), pay for SLE's and his basic living expenses, etc. Because he was so young, we wanted to do this and were encouraged to do it by "experts" - so now, I am letting go. He is 21 - he has had lots of program - he has to figure it out and I pray he will. In the meantime, I have to take good care of myself - I am learning how to do that - not engaging in the same family dynamics as I have in the past, doing self-care, setting boundaries, not rushing in to rescue, etc.
__________________
"All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
Edgar Allan Poe
Row, Row, Row your boat, gently down the stream.
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream.
