The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I agreed to joint counseling because he swore up down and sideways that he had changed and "everything" was different.
Before counseling could begin he was required to attend 90/90. He was also to send 1 text message of love or commitment a day. Instead of love or commitment they were jabs and barbs and the final message blamed me for the resentment that he felt towards me so before the 90/90 was up I ended the process.
I expected him to move on, and he did. Except he kept trying to convince me of his "love"
I found out about his girlfriend in October, and I would have processed through that except he kept trying to convince me of his "love".
For whatever reason I, apparently, in the back of my mind held some hope of true change. I desperately wanted to believe that maybe he could have changed. Except every action has shown that this is not the case.
So finally I got so fed up I told him not to contact me further unless it's through my lawyer. He sent a merry christmas text. I replied with if you contact me further I will send your girlfriend every message you have sent me since October.
Later on yesterday I completely threw my program out the window when I went to her page. I found a lovely comment on her picture of her and her daughter that my soon to be ex AH left, "lovely family picture but someone seems to be missing". So I took a screen shot, and sent a text message I told him that it was a lovely comment and that I'm happy that he has moved on and very seriously if he contacts me further I will send her everything.
I have a meeting tonight. I'm sure that in my meeting it will be a program topic that will hit me over the head and my HP will remind me that I need to just work my program. I have not felt this kind of anger and rage in a very long time. I am trying to decipher why. I expected most of this from him. So am I mad at him? Am I mad at myself for marrying him? I am thankful and appreciative for where I am and I know I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't experience the previous 3 years. I just really hate that I married him.
Thank you for letting me share!
-- Edited by Jackie11 on Friday 26th of December 2014 02:03:42 PM
I don't know what my ex is doing and that is probably the best, but it wouldn't surprise me if he is already with another woman,He has to manipulate woman in order to feel powerful.We were separated for a while and I found out he was actually with another woman,The way I look at it is at least I am not being tortured and miserable,she can have him.I deserve better.I understand the anger it is usually with myself.
I understand the rage. I too am getting divorced and ah has a gf
That he lives with and at his mothers. The only way i could get rid
Of the rage before was to forgive him and hand him over to God to
Deal with. It is Not my job to seek revenge or mete out punishment.
I did it and it worked for awhile then it came back at christmas holidays
New years i will again seek to forgive myself And him again. Hopefully
the rage will dissipate if not i will need to do Forgiveness every day.
Rage feels really bad inside of me, It eats your soul.
Alcoholics need enablers. He sounds pretty standard in the neediness department as far as alcoholics go. My guess is you feel used and his further behavior now makes it seem like your 3 years and colossal effort to make it work with him were a joke because he can either replace you or he thinks you are also needy and stupid and will take him back out of jealousy. Get centered in your program though. Fact is, you outgrew him and are too healthy for him. Forward! Keep on moving Jackie!
Thank you all so much! Yes forgiveness and giving it to my HP is key! Last night our usual meeting room was locked and we all found a spot to meet downstairs from where we usually are. I was so thankful we didn't let a locked door stop our meeting! Our topic, the hope of al-anon so needed!!!! I also had 2 people remind me he is sick! I forget as crazy as that sounds! Pink you hit the nail exactly on the head! Thank you everyone!
