The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel so blessed. Yesterday Christmas Eve the new man in my life and I finished up some last minute shopping together, ran around with my daughter and son in law and 3.5 year old Grandson while Grandson went to sit on Santa's lap and saw some Christmas sites where we took happy pictures of everyone, then we all had a quick dinner out, which my bf paid for with no complaint, even though I have spent a good bit of our joint money the last few weeks, then went to the kids place and exchanged a few small gifts with them.
This may be just an average Christmas outing to some but for a person who in the past chose not one but two long term relationships in a row with grumpy, selfish men this was too good for words to describe.
In my past I had always tried to "make" Christmas a happy time -- by trying to be good enough to my significant others, control the environment well enough so no one would be upset, or a million other twist and turns.. I'd always end up feeling like IF I had somehow made the holidays better for them they would have shared the holiday spirit with me.
I did nothing yesterday but just be me, I maybe even made a few normal mistake (my holiday traffic driving is horrible, I'll talk or listen to Christmas Carols and get distracted and I sometimes wander off when I'm shopping etc. definitely issues for trouble in the past) but not yesterday... and this morning at 4:30 am out of the blue I got a snuggle and a "Merry Christmas, I love you so much! " and when I hear these things it's surprising nothing has been "expected" in return... he is just saying it.
God is giving me the life I've always tried to create, because I let him in his time in his way!
This is not about anything I've done except get out of God's way. I posted this to share that it can get better. I know it would have helped me to hear this from someone all those Christmas days in the past that were so hard and emotionally lonely, even though I was not literally alone.
