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And God has a party .. LOL .. seriously it must be comedy central up there!
Merry Christmas as well Happy Holiday's. I have been very very busy .. so what else is new. It's all good and I feel ok. Last night I had some moments and I think it's just going to take a little bit of time and consistency. I am looking forward to today .. we are off and running with Santa, as well as dinner at friends. E has a very great boyfriend and we are having dinner with them. From there we will head to the movies for some fun :)
This is the first Christmas in a few years I have had to share my kids with anyone. Ohhh .. it was difficult to say the least, .. it sure wasn't about my XAH .. I had something come and bite me that I thought I had dealt with and that was my relationship with my XMIL, his s/mom. I have reached out a couple of times. She has been the only consistent family in our lives and so the rejection has been hard. Then I remember sometimes that rejection is God's protection and probably that way for her too. It still hurt that she's spending time with the new STBW (my sponsor wanted to know what that meant and said is that Stupid to be Wife? Not going to lie I did literally snort when I laughed .. bad bad alanon. Oh well progress not perfection) THAT really hurts. I felt the same betrayal that I felt years ago. I saw him last night and all I can say is UGH .. there are no feelings left outside of indifference. He looked AWFUL .. he's gained so much weight, bloated and he has aged a LOT. I mean it's kind of weird .. I look younger and he looks soooo much older.
It was difficult to listen to the kids because there is this part inside of me that screams out can anyone else NOT see how unhealthy this man is? I feel like I need to defend my choices. We all recovered well and thankfully the visitation was earlier and so today the kids will stay with me all day and I like that part of the deal. He sure can't say I denied him visitation and I think someone has explained the parenting agreement to him AGAIN. So he's backed off big time, plus it helps that his atty is out of town. I continue to follow the parenting agreement. He doesn't .. lol .. that's another story.
Anyway, work has been straight up off the hook, crazy, fun and just a really great place to be. I am dealing again with a difficult co worker and really working hard to apply traditions and steps to the issues coming up. It's really really difficult to deal with someone who can not mind their own business. So we have gone round and based upon my history I will not put up with a lot of crap. Our system is not an updated system .. it's almost DOS based which makes it really hard on people who have never used something close to a DOS system .. thankfully I'm of a generation who did .. however the point and click generation that is up and coming .. no clue. Anyway, I had to laugh my patience was tested and I about lost my mind. Christmas Eve and I have untreated Alanon who is telling my 19 year old co worker while I'm not in the room that she's possibly on the verge of loosing her job. Her words were, so and so has spoken to us (meaning me and her) that she doesn't stay busy enough and there is a possibility that she could loose her job. WTH is that?! Well, obviously I have no clue I step back in and my kiddo is about in tears, she's struggling really badly and just having a horrible time. I can't figure out what's going on .. so out of the blue she says can we talk .. so we step out of the office for a second and she lays this on me and trust me this is exactly what this woman would say as she has said crap like that to me. I'm older and wiser, as well as have Alanon to know when crazy is talking just look away .. LOL. I did chat with my boss as he got thrown under the bus and wasn't even there, let him know I would not do this again with someone else move her or I will. LOL. I just told him this is NOT ok and after my past experience I will NOT tolerate another bully in the front office. This was bullying plain and simple.
I have been working REALLY hard to apply the steps and traditions in this situation. Seriously I almost lost my mind, who does that on Christmas Eve?? How cruel/sick can you be? I know it's not personal .. still no .. no no no no .. 19 year old kiddo .. she's like my kid .. LOL .. we know how well that worked for the XAH .. LOL. At least kiddo knows she can go directly to the boss or she can come to me this is so not ok. I let her know next time go straight in that door and let him know what is happening. I have been keeping my mouth shut for about 2 months now and I'm soooo done. I've let a lot go .. this not so much.
Anyway, I can see my growth in terms of being able to do what I need to do and let others do for them as well and knowing when to open the door and say see that light? Yes, you to can go in and it will be ok watch what I do.
I did make a decision about the wedding as it's on a non visitation weekend and my XAH could have picked another 2 weekends for the wedding in January it didn't have to be this one. So he really put a tremendous amount of pressure on the kids I mean to the point of bribing them. I said to my daughter the next time he drops the bomb about the wedding explain to him that this is a non visitation wedding and he will need to talk to me. The back story is he still hasn't grown a pair to tell me himself he's getting married .. he expected the kids to do it for him. So E sent a text after it started again and said Dad .. this is a non visitation weekend as we've already discussed, you need to take this up with mom. Not another word about the wedding and the only other boundary that I have and I have really prayed about this and I have thought about my motives, is I want to meet the new woman. As the custodial parent I have a right to meet who is coming into my children's lives considering that there is a parenting agreement that is not a normal parenting agreement. MY XAH has mentioned to the kids about driving to FL this year for his time with them during the summer .. they both looked at him and said no thank you. My daughter said it best on two fronts .. the wedding as they were arguing over it .. that's why I said redirect him back to me this is a non issue as far as you go .. umm .. let me get this straight you want us to come to your wedding to a woman we haven't even met yet. His response I tried to introduce you! Her response .. you told us 2 weeks ago you were getting married, at what point did you try and introduce us in the last 14 days? Don't you think that had you told us more than 14 days ago we would have met her sooner? You never said a word about any of this to us before the last 10 min of the last visitation. Well of course visitation was fun after that .. UGH. As far as driving to FL. She's learned so much and taught me so much .. mom .. it's not June .. we'll deal in June when it comes up IF it comes up. I doubt we see much of dad between now and then after this wedding is done. She might be right. He keeps going on about taking them more and yet the kids weren't even there for an hour Christmas Eve. So it is what it is and I'm just not going to worry about it.
Sad situation at least they have good heads on their shoulders.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
You seem to be such a strong parent. I remember being told not to say anything negative about my daughters "Dad" to them and that they would find out for themselves what he is really like. They did and it was so much better that way.. You seem to already know this, -- support and encouragement to you and Merry Christmas, seems like you have a fun day planned!
Lots of ongoing chaos and yet you are an anchored lighthouse in the midst of it.
Those feelings of rejection from your kiddos grandma are hard to swallow....I remember those feelings around my ex husbands family, esp where my kids were concerned. The holidays were the worst. Hugs, Serenity.
I am probably NOT as good as I should be in that area and from time to time the kids call me into line. They also are fully aware of what I have been put through in the past 3 years just from the constant atty, police and court involvement so honestly who needs to say much more than that .. I slip from time to time with a that SOB or ARRRGGGHHH .. SOB! I'm not perfect and I do not want to hear how normal he looks after an hour with him. I know that's temporary and what is going to take place is much more consistent with the behavior I've become accustomed to .. it just is what it is.
I do a LOT of head nodding and tuning out after visitation. I did say something to my son as he went on and on about something .. I said honey this is really difficult for me to listen to right now as all I hear is the guilt and the shame of my own character defects that have zero to do with you, your sis or your dad and everything to do with ME. At the same time please cut me a little slack. I'm currently on the verge of tears trying to do the best I can .. drop it. He felt badly and I told him later not his issue and not his problem .. still go easy on me right after I'm processing just as much as they are and at least they get to have fun in that situation .. me I'm driving everyone everywhere and getting to feeling a little resentful that once again your dad can't clean up his own mess.
UGH I hate this stuff and it's definitely time for a step 4 at the moment and I keep trying to find time .. which is limited and when I have it the last thing I want to do is another step 4.
I do feel very solid in my program and where I am.
It's funny because for the first time in about 3 years I went out and had an alcoholic drink in public that is HUGE, I have a glass of wine from time to time or I grab a beer .. I have Champaign tastes on a beer budget so actually means this is a treat. LOL .. I can't drink what I like so I just don't .. I tend to be picky! Anyway, met up with a new girlfriend and we had a BLAST!! OMGOSH .. she is sooo sweet. Anyway, it was fun and I had been there for lunch the previous weekend. This is how crazy my life is .. happened to be a cute uniformed officer in having lunch that day and I picked up his tab .. God love him .. one of my girlfriends was dying laughing going omgosh .. S .. the poor man thought you were trying to pick him up and turns out you were saying THANK YOU?! He must have been like oookkk .. LOL! I didn't mean the gesture as a pick up more's the pity I guess .. LOL. Anyway, I spent the afternoon speaking with a lovely man from China and learned a few things. When I went back both men were there .. NOT the cop. So the waiter asks if I'm waiting for my husband and I politely say no just a girlfriend of mine. He presses the issue I don't think he understood me .. well I finally say nope no husband I spent 3 years trying to get rid of the last one, restraining order, a lot of court NO HUSBAND. To which his reply was .. well where is your cop? ROFL .. UMMMM .. ok .. so now it's a running joke .. some how people who don't know me when I'm in the presence of the police will associate me that I'm part of that team somehow!! LOL! The gentleman from China remembered me and my previous order. We chatted until he got busy. He was so much fun to watch him do his magic. Then my girlfriend showed up and we howled over the first incident. Started talking business and things went from there.
Does anyone remember the Seinfeld show? Ellen talking about the man in her life being "sponge worthy" .. OMGOSH .. totally inappropriate however coined a new term I won't get into .. however we were dying and now when we are texting and talking men that is the phrase that comes up not to mention the chapter title.
Looking into starting a divorce support group of some kind, I would prefer to stick to women having support of other single women kind of thing. Decided to much drama with co-ed kind of deal I think this would be enough.
I'm doing a mock business plan at the moment seeing where I can put my experience with the courts to good use. I am also still working that book idea.
Lots of ideas brewing and only one me .. LOL .. so it's all good.
:)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
