The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Picked up a copy of the Alanon pamphlet called "Boundaries".
the 2nd bullet says: - Not to allow ourselves to be used it abuses by others in the interest of another's recovery.
What does this mean to you?
When I was in AA I was used badly by my sponsor. We are now both in Alanon. A few weeks ago I told her how angry I've been and how many trust issues it caused me etc. She has known this and continued to cause me harm behind the scenes Through gossip in AA.
She carefully denied everything then asked me if we would be "ok" if we see each other again in Alanon meetings. I have no idea why she's in Alanon but she and her friends in AA watch me very closely. I'm not in AA much anymore.
I Think she's afraid I'll speak up And she'll have to give me back my self-esteem which she has been using for 5 years. She actually thinks she is me. (?!) it's weird. Like Narcissistic identity stealing.
How can I apply the above bullet about boundaries so I'm not angry and I can recover too? I feel depleted by her and several other people too.
-- Edited by WorkingThroughIt on Tuesday 23rd of December 2014 06:19:50 PM
HI WTI NICE TO SEE YOU BACK POSTING . To me that statement cautions me to remember to focus on myself,and to take care of my own interest, emotionally, physically and spiritually and to not abandon myself to take care of another .
I can do this by minding my own business, not giving advise, being supportive and understanding without being controlling.
If I was not comfortable with another member of AA I would make sure to attend different meetings.
Betty does have a wonderful way of clarity! I'd like to add that I've struggled and had to learn that my recovery needs to come first- attend meetings that support my recovery- and- when conflict was unavoidable to put principles above personalities. Taking a break from a meeting that created anxiety was helpful and has shown me that many other meeting options are available. One of my favorite ones is fully supportive of their community, works a strong program, and would not tolerate violations such as gossip.
I can relate to your comment regarding "narcissist identity theft" and I've also been on the receiving end of that phenomenon. In my situation, I feel that it came from deep-rooted insecurity- the kind that needs professional help. I chose to handle it by walking away.
Thanks for your comments Bud. I appreciate them.
My spiritual guide also tells me to walk away and also have compassion for this person.
It is so hard because of the type of relationship it was but I see many benefits that have arisen from it for me.
I will perhaps be a more responsible and considerate sponsor myself because of that and also this person is suffering, I need to have compassion for her.
When I hold on to a resentment I end up in a prison.
When we follow principles we always win and so does God.
