The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here I sit wondering...What is gonna be like when my mom returns from the state hospital later today? I am hoping for a nice greeting & maybe even a hug. I haven't seen her since August & she is returning back to CA tomorrow. I just really want her to be happy. I really do. I even will sacrifice some of my happiness for her. I guess I just have it in me. I guess you could call it humility. What I really want is some serenity & it feels like I may have to give myself permission to have a good & healthy holiday season. I would be remiss if I didn't share the fact that I worry that her leaving again might cause discomfort during Christmas after all it is only 3 days away. I am just gonna have to get it right w/ myself & enjoy despite the fact that my mom has a way of ruining the best days. I can only let that happen if I allow it to I guess. I really just want to enjoy. I really just want to remember the reason for the season.
In the meantime, I just want to be on here enjoying all your company. I know I can't see you but I can feel you. I am grateful especially this time of year to hear your stories & know that you all have lives to live that may be a struggle for you at this time of year. Just remember that only you can ruin your day the Ah can't make or break you whether they are drinking or not. Sometimes it feels like they deliberately try to ruin what we have to look forward to.
I don't know about you all but I am looking forward to a new year--a clean slate so to speak. I just want to do what I can to change me & my outlook on life. I pretty much took a new year & somewhat butchered it this year. I went in & out of sanity & found myself praying for help & strength to get me through one of my worst experiences of my life. I don't know what I told you all but I wasn't on MIP for some time. I was afraid to admit that I was weak & couldn't get it together w/o the help of God & lots of prayers from a lot of people. That is just a part of my story. I have still a lot to be grateful for. I have been blessed & hope you all can share in my blessings to you. And for not letting me get by w/ the stinking thinking & the inability to not use the tools of the program. Did I actually even try to use what I knew was helpful to me? Now I am over-analyzing! I am just saying that I could have made better choices. Now I will start anew & let go of my past mistakes.
Love you all! And, Merry Christmas! I hope someone brightens your day like you have mine.
Dear Kathleen,
Thank you for the warmth and love that you share here at MIP continually. I have been enriched by our connection and I pray that your Holiday Season is filled with all the love HP can shower upon you and your family.
When you said " Now I will start anew & let go of my past mistakes" it made me think. I can do this too. How many times do we need to be told we can start over not matter what. It's when we give up is when everything go's to H in a handbasket.
It's like my son has said many times...... Mom never give up hope because I won't
Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Blessed New year *<<<<<=
((( hugs ))))
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Monday 22nd of December 2014 04:49:35 PM
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Kathleen: I am happy to see that you are willing to say goodbye to the past and want to continue to work the program, share your progress with us on MIP, and support us, too.
What lovely words hoot, thank you for sharing. I love the idea of new year with 365 brand new pages so to speak. I think i will also give myself permisssion to enjoy regardless of others in my life. Merry Christmas to you too.x
