looking after yourself - Al-Anon Family Group

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

looking after yourself

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

Great topic. I'm eager to see others' responses.

I find this takes time. It's only available to me after I dropped the martyr mindset. Oh I'll come last after I've taken care of everyone else. They can tell you I never took care of them and they are correct, That's their job.
I now attend Al-Anon meetings weekly, keep a gratitude journal, go to 2 gyms regularly (one is nearby, the other has good classes), walk twice a day, plan meals, get regular medical and dental attention and get sunshine. I am at this late date learning self discipline. It is its own joy.
You're right. A change in routine (such as the holidays) makes for an easy de-railing. After a few days without exercise or sunshine I start to feel it. I now know how to fix that.
When her schedule allows I process with my sponsor.
I set aside time to read, and listen to music each day. What a treat. I ignore the TV most of the time. I indulge in the programs I enjoy.
I love traveling, so I treat myself to at least one big trip a year with several mini-vacations. I nurture friendships with my traveling companions. I feed myself by planning future travels and remembering past trips.
The "Just for Today" bookmark helps me behave in a manner that makes me a constant companion I like.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi LC I set up time frames each day and make sure that I stick to it. Now that I am retired I make sure I am still up by 7AM, read my alanon literature by 7 30, speak to my sponsees on the phone between 730 and 9. I then go to the computer and do my computer work. At 10 30 it is time for an hour of exercise,then shower, makeup hair and out by 12 15

Everything has a flexible timeframe and it works. I do keep it pretty much to my schedule each day. Than schedule monthly haircuts, visit the doctor every three months, dentist every six months in the gym twice a week.. Once a month pay bills and balance accounts. When I take my trip to NJ mid week I rearrange this and do exercise when I return

I am fanatic about maintaining my exercise, eating schedules program and financial accounting. I cannot go to sleep unless I have exercised, showered and had a rough draft of the following day.

It appears that everything has a place and everything is in its place. It has probably taken me years to get there, today it works well for me without much hassle.

I'm happy that you are keeping the focus on yourself and living life. I have often said I don't know how I had so much time to take care of others because just taking care of myself as a full-time job
keep up the good work LC

Holly09 · Veteran Member

This is probably the most difficult thing for me to accomplish in life. I have 3 children 20, 10 and 6. Obviously the 20yr old can fend for himself but my other 2 (my 10yr old has Aspergers) are still in need of a lot of daily guidance and my AB who is not drinking any longer is not much help at all. He does not attend AA so he still has a lot of the same drunk behaviors so I am the main caretaker. Even though I have tried to help dad take on more responsibility it doesn't work he's too wrapped up in him and his issues. I am trying to take a few small steps to focus on me like joining a gym after the holidays and getting out to see what the meetings are like around here but it's really hard to find the time and I am exhausted physically ( I work for myself cleaning houses) and mentally. I know I will start to feel better once I start to really put some focus on me but it's hard when you feel guilty because I am the caretaker. I know I must get over this and it's not healthy. I will do my best though. That is all we can do keep it up.

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

El-Cee, thank you for this topic!! Taking care of yourself is key to self confidence isn't it? I noticed that the stress of the disease has taken it's toll on me, and the fact that I am now in my 60's only adds to the stress mix. I've been making sure that I exercise everyday on the stationery bike and have noticed, like you, that I feel much stronger physically and emotionally. Working the Al-Anon steps and staying close to my HP (via prayers) is a very important start to every morning for me. I do love my job and am very lucky to have it, the people and the work are very rewarding. I do plan on attending face to face Al-Anon meetings here in town, I just have had some physical injuries from an icy fall two weeks ago, and for some reason it has been snowing on Wednesday evenings for the past two weeks!!!! AH has been actually very good these past two weeks, but my guard is definitely up.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

That Just for Today reminder: ...I will have a plan...I may not follow it exactly...comes to mind with your wise share. Self-care is much easier for me to practice now that I'm retired and I still have to pay attention to what I'm doing every day. I am still able to slowly transfer my attention to others than to myself. Daily check ins with my sponsor helps me do that and I'm so grateful to have that type of helpmate in my life since my cats really don't care if I'm practicing self care. They just want to make sure I know they want food, water and the run of the house - even if that run is over my head or body when I'm resting in bed at night. Good share, el cee. Thank you.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

As long as you enjoy what you are doing that is great.

My Mother always told me to take care of me, so I could always take care of my animals.

She reminded me to eat, are you taking your vitamins? etc. well when she passed, it was hard to care much.

Now I want to feel good. I like being a vegan and not supporting the torture and murder of animals. That means a lot to me. I like being simple, dressing how i like not the fashion.

get on with it i don't understand. This is my life.

Really it is my animals depending on me that gets me going in the morning. It's the kisses and hold me and all that, then it is the feeding my pet farm pig and horse, chickens, ducks geese. It makes me feel healthy. makes me move.

I like sorta dressing up to go to get food feed and stuff. Mostly I like to smile at people and I know they will talk with me. One thing I do is take my cute service dog with me. I do this for me as I know people love to see him, and love to tell about their dog.

Its not so much just me, as it is I like to do for others. I know giving is a huge healer.

hugs! btw i was doing my nails then stopped. My nails are now splitting and not healthy rrrrrr My bod is not made for taht.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I tend to do well in cycles around breaks from school and into the beginning of each new semester I eat healthier, work out more and just feel lighter and better, then the stress begins as the semester goes on and midterms turn into finals and there is no time between school, kids, work and financially towards the end of the semester money gets tighter. I get more stressed and moody. I was a bear on Friday after my final and I came home to a messy house, my 16 year olds best friend lives with us and sometimes it seems too much to have taken on another person with all I have going. She is more like an average teenage girl than my oldest who has had to be overly responsible for helping me around the house and with her 6 year old sister. I just was fit to be tied with them leaving me a dirty messy kitchen that I had cleaned the night before. Now that I look back it wasn't a big deal and I should have not been so upset. It just all gets to me and I need to spend more time meditating and being still with God I know.

I do have to learn still to say no sometimes and know when I am already over reaching to afford the kids I have, but now I am going to keep making the best of this situation and I get 5 days of no kids starting this evening. I am going to work out this break and relax. I am currently sick and I am just going to eat my veggie soup and hydrate until I feel better. I worked this weekend and now have a couple days off to get better. I am going to slow down and enjoy having nothing to do for a few days and no one but myself to take care of. I get run down by the end of each semester and am trying to learn to slow down and practice better self care.

Thanks for this topic and reminder!!! Sending you love and support!

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

Exercise is where I don't get on with it as well as I need to. I do stretches almost daily for the health of my back, but I suck at anything that will make me sweat.

As I progressed in my recovery, self care became easier. And I will tell on me; doing damage repair from our flood and preparing for the holidays took priority over my self care recently, resulting in a bit of an emotional slump. And I want to eat comfort foods, which, if indulged, will prolong the slump. So, I am reminded by your post to slow down and take care of me smile

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I do have to add that it matters little to me if I'm doing a whole lot of self care when it comes to eating Christmas food. Italian nut cookies, iced thumbprint cookies, (shhhhhh - a beef entrée - don't tell Debilyn), mixed nuts and sometimes chips and dip. Thanksgiving Day food - yuck. I can turn a lot of it down. Christmas - bad girl, bad bad girl - I admit.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I will eat with wild abandon....a hedonistic Christmas.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

biggrin Merry, merry eating! What a pleasure - especially when enough is made for us and for others! We get to enjoy it and enjoy others enjoying those foods, too! Thank goodness its only once a year. I'd go bankrupt eating and sharing like this all year long.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 21st of December 2014 06:00:48 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

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