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I opened the door at 1 am to a drunk and having done my inventory was able to say not a word just went back to bed. He wakes up our toddler proceeds to fall asleep with her while he is lying there with no underwear completely wasted. I grab the baby he gets violent threatens our son torments me. Screaming for help no one cares. Call the police its been an hour. Sitting here with a black ete and a swollen lip thinking no one cares. He's gone back to sleep. I want to die of shame.
Oh no Betty.When we finally get to talk it will be because of something wonderful not this nonsense. But I already feel less alone. I did call them again. Its typical over here. Honestly feels like a waste of time. I'll follow through because whatever they think. its not OK to get drunk and beat up women and children.
I am terrified though of stepping out my door tomorrow or any other day. People must think I'm crazy And to blame. I wish we could go away the kids and I and never come back.
REMEMBER WHAT OTHERS THINK IF US IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. YOU ARE A VALUABLE, INTELLIGENT, COMPASSIONATE, WISE , CLEAVER WIFE AND MOTHER YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG !!! ALCOHOLISM IS TERRIBLE DISEASE OVER WHICH YOU ARE POWERLESS. PLEASE REMEMBER THIS. CAN YOU CALL A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER ?
To me, this is where you leave, your safety is important, above everything else. You never have to accept this type of behaviour and alcoholism is no excuse. Take your babies to safety.
Try calling a domestic violence hotline as well. You are in Australia? I remember looking up domestic violence hotlines, services, and numbers for another member once in Australia and there were many. Praying for your safety! This is beyond unacceptable.
I care! We all care! And I am so sad that you have to endure this kind of slow or nonresponse from the police.
I agree - the behavior is unacceptable. And it's not healthy for your kids to see you accept it. I am keeping you all close in my heart today; please take care of yourself.
Waiting with you Aquamom and sending prayers and forgiveness for that shame - it is not yours and does not have to walk with you. It is ok to put it down. You are a wonderful lady and I'm upset that you and your children have been treated so badly. Please accept all the help you can lay your hands on. Thinking of you.
The shame is his - not yours. I can't suggest what to do or not do since I'm not there. I can say that your neighbors aren't living in your shoes and they can think whatever they want to think. I think he has behaved as a brute and has traumatized you and his children. If the police won't listen to you, perhaps there is a higher power that will? If I were a CPS worker and heard this story, I would help you obtain a restraining order and find a way to bring charges against him on behalf of your children. I'd also work to help you find any resources available to you and your children and see to it that you are not left alone to fend for yourself.
Thanks family. They came took photos and a statement and were lovely and caring. He has been arrested will be charged and an avo will be put in place stating that he is not to come near our home within 12 hours of consuming alcohol. Its more than I could have asked for. I will use that order whenever I have to and continue working on me my programme and a place of our own. The neighbours can think what they want. This is not my dream neighbourhood. Love and gratitude for your prayers.
Screw the neighbors. They probably think he's a violent alcoholic which he is. That is NOT YOUR FAULT! Again, it's not you, it's him. Some of them may feel compassion and some sympathy. I know that other people feeling sorry for you is usually the last thing people in your situation want, but that is not a bad side of humanity. You guys are already separated? I can't remember if you stated he lives there or not still.
What I do know: You are a very bright lady, deep thinker, and a wonderful writer. You have taken positive actions here and I commend you!! Very brave indeed.
I posted earlier from my phone, don't know what happened to it! It sounds like there was effective action taken. I am sorry for this violence afflicted on your family and I hope this is a wake up call for him. Stay safe....you are also free to call me if need be. You are loved and valued here.
Leave as soon as you are able. Go to a shelter if you need to. Most men do not act violently towards women, wouldn't even conceive of it, once they do, they won't stop. You or your children could end up dead. Very scary, but very real. He deserves prison. Leave the neighborhood you dislike, and this person that doesn't deserve his family, and save your life and the life of your children. Show them the love that they deserve. Remember that you deserve better as well. There are definitely better people out there that you can surround yourself with. Keep this group close. We aren't there, but we care. Stay safe. I will be praying for you and your children.
Joe
I'm glad there is an r/o and that you didn't attempt to protect him which will only serve to help him keep hurting you and the kids. I am a bit leery of the 12 hour thing though. I'm not a drinker, but I have taken pain meds following surgery. There is no way I could track time let alone remember any detailed doctor's instructions. And, knowing how an active alcoholic (and sometimes, me, too) hates to be told what to do, I'd be very cautious without getting paranoid about it all. I'd go by the same precautions with him as I would for a stranger - pepper spray, not sticking to a same ole-same ole routine, being aware of my surroundings and a fully charged phone in my pocket if possible.
Any neighbor with any heart would take one look at you and want to bring a casserole or something. They'd also be on the lookout for him. No matter where you live, there is always someone who will be there to help you when you need it. It only takes one other person to care when we're in trouble - well, that, and listening closely to our Higher Power who is always with us.
You did so well! Good for you, aquamom. Keep close, sister.
Yes, you did do well. And you know the r/o won't stop the violence...it actually may escalate. Now is the time to proceed in a calculating, careful way. Please contact a domestic abuse center and get counsel for how to proceed safely for you and your children. It really concerns me that he was close to your toddler without underwear. We are here for you...
I am very proud of you Aquamom .... When my ex-A showed up sober (not sure about clean) and being aggressive I froze. I am so happy you were able to follow through. I went to the woman's shelter for counseling. It was very helpful to me to see that I had been emotional abused prior to the aggressive incidents. It started to rewire my thinking. Sending you a great big (((hug)))). You and your child's safety is very important!!!!
thanks. There's nothing I haven't tried re dv shelters. They may better be able to help now. And I do have a plan and savings also. The difficulty is citizenship. I don't have it. So no welfare for emergency exit. It wasn't a weird sexual thing. The idiot just passed out after pulling his filthy work clothes off. It shocked me nonetheless and is inappropriate to be so reckless. Were anything untoward I wouldn't bother calling the police. Honestly. Hed be. meeting the creator. Avo doesn't stop battering you are right. But while I have to be here I will use it to lock him up every time he comes here wasted if that means prison term so be it. best I can do.
To me, this is where you leave, your safety is important, above everything else. You never have to accept this type of behaviour and alcoholism is no excuse. Take your babies to safety.
Dear Aqua, I so agree with LC here, and i am only a bit down the page, reading this sad post of yours.......beaters remind me of serial killers...they go through an emotional "cooling" then they are right back in business......please be safe....find a domestic violence shelter, police action w/a restraint order, its time to protect yourself.....i know its scary, but we are talking about your life......as LC says....you NEVER have to accept this type of behaviour........and booze is NO excuse.......sending support
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thanks family. They came took photos and a statement and were lovely and caring. He has been arrested will be charged and an avo will be put in place stating that he is not to come near our home within 12 hours of consuming alcohol. Its more than I could have asked for. I will use that order whenever I have to and continue working on me my programme and a place of our own. The neighbours can think what they want. This is not my dream neighbourhood. Love and gratitude for your prayers.
OH THANK GOODNESS.....good girl!!! Good job....You are a special, precious life, I am proud of you taking your power back by this proactive taking care of you......we we are here....we are listening...and SCREW the neighbors.....they don't matter...Noone does but you and your kids..........sending you hugs of support......BRAVE job , here...I am proud of you.......HUGS
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I am so sorry to hear about this. I've had the police come to my home many times in the past. My neighbor came into my house when I had to call 911. Do what you need to do, please don't worry about what other people might think. We aren't mind readers. You did the right thing. I've had pictures taken of me too due to domestic violence. I kicked my AH out of my house quite a few times, but he kept coming back, even after going to jail. I finally had to move out with my kids. I had to leave for my own safety and sanity because he wouldn't stay away. You did the right thing. Please keep us updated.
E...feeling powerless also. Didn't catch the post except now . You've done good and now its in HP's hands and the police. Thinking about what the neighbors might be thinking or not is just reaction stuff...normal for the event and not much real. Be cautious of what and how the drunk will do, think, feel and behave and do the right thing for Aquamom only. Understand that if he struck will under the influence chances might be that if he is free of the chemical alcohol he might not be free of the out of control emotions and you are a target along with your child. We can stand with you and we can pray with you however our 1st step is the same 1st step you recite...Admitted we were powerless.... Holding (((((you))))) with faith and hope...build the boundaries...wide and high. He might not remember what happened as in a blackout and still it happened whether he remembers or not...it cannot happen again even if that takes him out of your atmosphere. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 14th of December 2014 12:31:44 AM
