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Yesterday my sister asked her alcoholic husband to leave because he is taking rent and grocery money for alcohol. She works, he sits and watches tv all day. He responded that he does not drink any more than any one else. I witnessed him when he went one day without drinking so he could 'fool' the doctor he was scheduled to see the next day. He was shaking, hands, even whole body. On the way home, he got the volunteer driver to stop off at the party store so he could buy some wine. This man is a diabetic, has heart and breathing problems and still he drinks and smokes. He went to his brother's house.
Last night his brother phoned and screamed at my sister telling her that this was a horrible time to kick him out, that he needed her to 'keep him straight', that she is breaking her marriage vows. And so what if he likes a drink now and then- everyone likes a drink now and then! He went on and on. She waited him out and then said that he was determined to kill himself no matter what she does and is dragging her down with him. This Christmas, she said, I will sleep soundly not worrying what he will do or who he will offend. He has ruined every Christmas for years but not this one. It took her fifteen years to work up to this.
I have three lovely women friends. Every time we get together these days, it has to have wine included. And they polish off at least two bottles and usually more. It used to be one or two glasses at the most but now the bottles have to be emptied. They do not get drunk actually but they cannot seem to celebrate anything or even have an afternoon get-together without alcohol.
My niece is at university and she and six other girls have rented a house to cut down on costs. She drinks very sparingly but the others, all between 19 and 24, drink at least three times a week to get drunk. And drunk they get! Blindingly, throw-up drunk!
Another niece works as a nurse in the ER and she says she is sick of huge number of clients that are there because they have abused alcohol or drugs or both.
Increasingly I am feeling that I am the odd one out. Has everyone lost the capacity to have joy in their lives without being buzzed? I am dreading Christmas because the holidays seem to be an excuse to over indulge. But a lot of people I know no longer feel the need of an excuse- drinking steadily is just business as usual. I know the world can be a harsh, cruel place at times but the troubles you drank to forget are still there when you sober up.
No. Not everybody has lost the capacity for joy without being buzzed. I felt joy just noticing how beautiful a pale yellow bath towel looked draped over a white porcelain bar with a framing backdrop of stark white tiles and lavender-blue walls in my little bathroom yesterday. Today I felt joy because my garage reminded me of Santa's workshop when I drove back into it and saw all the beautifully wrapped gifts that are ready for me to take to my daughter's on Christmas Eve. Tonight, I felt a shiver of joy because I have aqua yoga in the morning followed by a Christmas tea at my instructor's home. Every day, I do experience joy. It, like alcoholism, wasn't caused by me, can't be controlled by me and I certainly wouldn't want to cure it. I love the gift is there for me and for all - if we're open to it. I experience joy mostly when I'm simply being rather than striving, seeking, pushing, struggling, forcing, worried, fixing or trying to control.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 11th of December 2014 11:16:28 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 11th of December 2014 11:21:39 PM
I think it's important to remember that a huge percentage of people don't drink much or any alcohol. Otherwise we can get into that thing of "Well, maybe everybody does do it and so it's not that big a deal." About 95% of my friends drink alcohol rarely if at all. Most of them I have never seen take a drink. It sounds as if it might be a helpful thing for you to look to expanding your circle of friends? Many people who are into health or outdoor things don't put much store in alcohol. Or just like-minded people. It is certainly discouraging to see how many people have been sucked in by it, though.
(((Deacon))) I find that often what I see is most often due to the seer (me!). A few years ago when I was looking to buy a silver Ford Focus, I saw them everywhere. There is no doubt alcohol abuse is everywhere and people that don't abuse it are everywhere, too. If you are a misfit in the world you see, then congratulations!
Before my family was affected by alcoholism, I drank some, but not a lot. We would have a case of beer sit in the fridge for months, ready for guests, and the odd evening when I would have one. Now that wife doesn't drink, I rarely drink, and I don't really miss it.
Here are a couple of lovely misfits, I don't mind being like them at all!
Kenny :) I Love being one of the "Misfit Toys" myself . Watched Rudolph this week and enjoyed it all by myself.
I go out often with people who do not drink and do not think about it It just is not what they do . When I am with family they have finally accepted that I drink club soda and that is fine with them.
It leaves more for them to consume:).
LOL, Betty!!! If I'm ever with the majority of my sibs again and they tell me what a "loser" I am because I don't drink, I have a wonderful come back to that: "Well, geez! I'd think you'd be grateful that I'm leaving more for you?" Teehee. Thanks for my first laugh of the day.
Yesterday my sister asked her alcoholic husband to leave because he is taking rent and grocery money for alcohol. She works, he sits and watches tv all day.ouse.
Last night his brother phoned and screamed at my sister telling her that this was a horrible time to kick him out, that he needed her to 'keep him straight', that she is breaking her marriage vows. And so what if he likes a drink now and then- everyone likes a drink now and then! He went on and on.
I have three lovely women friends. Every time we get together these days, it has to have wine included. And they polish off at least two bottles and usually more.
. And drunk they get! Blindingly, throw-up drunk!
I know the world can be a harsh, cruel place at times but the troubles you drank to forget are still there when you sober up.
Hey Deacon, if you are a misfit where do i apply???? I wish MORE folks thought like you and some of the others of us here....I like a beer or two, but then i am ready to eat.....and a 12 pack lasts me, if i don't give it away to company, lasts me forever.....I'm just not into the crap.....I have get more joy out of book surfing at goodwill then drinking or toss me in the jacuzzi or pool at the gym and i am a happy one......or let me "cop" a good docu or movie, (true life movie) and i am in 7th heaven....or a back rub on my therapy thing i got to try and heal this back....
naaaaw you are not a misfit, but i do agree....seems a lot of folks are turning to alcohol or abusing substances....its stress, i think...when times are hard, it brings out the worst in people......folks drinking to escape instead of talking it over with a friend..............IN SUPPORT
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I'm in the misfit club and have a lot of fun without ever drinking and feel just fine the next day also! I have nursing student friends that drink and I can't understand how they do it and pass the classes, but I know it is not for me. Sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I'm a misfit as well, haven't had a drink in over 30 years. I divorced a few years ago and was shocked when I started dating again, drinking is a huge part of life for the plus 50 demographic. I have literally watched the smiles drop of women's faces when I tell them I never drink, it makes them very uncomfortable. Honestly that's just another reason I hate alcohol, even though I chose to eliminate alcohol from my life at a young age it still affects my life, my siblings have drinking problems, a drinking spouse screwed up my marriage, my son has become an addict, and now it limits my dating life.
