The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I regretfully feel like crap about not being able to post on the mobile site. I don't have access to post on my cell phone at home. And, because I have been sick, I haven't been able to get to the library to get on this computer. I feel like I am missing something & feel left out. I have been wanting to get out more but my virus has kicked my butt. I have been looking on MIP a little here & there. I just can't seem to post. I don't know if I am doing something wrong. I know that it can't be that hard.
Well, now that I have complained for a whole paragraph, I realize that I don't really have anything to complain about & besides I was just rambling anyway. The main thing I am dealing w/ though is that my marriage is getting to wear on me a lot. I am getting the coulda shoulda wouldas from my loving but difficult husband. I guess he is just going to be the way he is & it is really out of my control. I sometimes finding myself almost hating him. I wonder sometimes if he is still the man I married. He seems to be on edge most of the time. An example is: he decided that I am going to continue to let water come out of the shower. I try to keep the curtain securely closed. He complains or actually criticizes me for living. I don't feel like I am being respected & that he treats me like a child. Sometimes I feel the roles are switched & that he is the wife & I am the other half. I just try to keep the peace when he is ranting & raving over something I have done. Obviously he hasn't done any of this stuff! I just wish he would let up on me. Sometimes he acts like a child & sometimes he one-ups me because he thinks he knows everything because he is much older. Maybe that isn't it but I feel like he is trying to control me beyond how he has done in the past. I just want peace. Today I am glad that I have been away from him for awhile & that I can get out. We have been spending way too much time together because I have been sick. Oh well...it may never change but I am willing to do anything to change my actions & reactions to all this. I could go on & on. By the way, he is a recovering alcoholic & has been sober for over 8 years. I am proud of him & do have a lot of respect for him. But sometimes I don't feel like I love him. It's complicated. I do love the man I married & he does do special things for me to make me feel loved. I guess I just need a reality check.
I can usually relate to a lot of the posts out there.
You are all so kind when you respond to my posts.
I need to hear some suggestions or just any kind of support I can get. Please post. I need to see things in a different perspective.
I noticed that as my Dad grew more mature, there were times he would become hyper-critical. What worked for me with him was to hold a hand up between us and say softly: "Stop. No more criticism." He stopped.
Good suggestion Catherine I also found that if I validated myself and indicated that I understood what was gong on and could relate that it stopped the insanity. Glad you could connec and share Kathleen.
